Ever Fall In Love
by M3535
Summary: Remus' heart is broken. Sirius wants him to be happy again. He discovers that his feelings for his fellow Marauder stick a lot deeper than just friendly concern. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: World and characters belong to J. K. Rowling - bless her.**

**A****/N: This is my first fanfic ever, so I'm quite excited and a bit nervous about it. I hope somebody likes it, and I'll be looking forward to writing more chapters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

"I'm not doing ANYTHING for a whole day. Not going to strain a single muscle," said Sirius, stretching his body lazily on one of the comfortable couches of the Gryffindor common room. It was Sunday morning just after breakfast.

"You're going to have to get up and go down for dinner tonight if you don't want to go hungry," said James from the big armchair next to the couch.

"Oh yeah..." said Sirius, frowning as if thinking hard. "Won't you carry me down to the Great Hall, then?" he asked, doing his best to sound earnest.

"Use your own feet, you lazy old fart!" said James and hit Sirius hard on the head with a cushion.

Peter, watching them from across the coffee table, laughed. "You don't have to starve, Padfoot," he said, patting a large paper-wrapped box in front of him. "Look what my owl came with this morning. It's from my mum." He opened the box and revealed a vast amount of sweets. He threw a box of Bertie Bott's at Sirius.

"Thank you, Wormtail! See, here's somebody who knows how to support a friend in need!" he nodded in James' direction. They all laughed and started eating the beans.

"Where is Moony?" asked Sirius a few minutes later.

"I think he's still in the dorm. He was busy planning something for -"

Before Peter could finish the sentence, Remus came running down the stairs.

"Hey, sleepyhead - come join us in our celebration of this blessed Sunday!"

"Sorry Prongs - can't do that. I have this really romantic thing planned for Camille and me..." He rushed off before any of them had time to say anything else to him.

"Ah, young love," mused Peter.

"That stupid Ravenclaw girl," muttered Sirius. "What's so special about her?"

"What's with _you_?" asked James. "Did she step on your toes or something?"

"It's just that he spends all his free time with her instead of us. Talks about her all the time. Camille this and Camille that. I'm sick of hearing about it..."

James gaped at Sirius for a moment. Then his face cracked in a grin. "You're jealous!" he laughed. "How about that, Wormtail - Padfoot's in love with Moony!" He puckering his lips, making kissing noises. "In luuuuve. Padfoot luuuves Moo -!"

"Shut up, you idiot!" shouted Sirius as he chased after James who was already halfway across the common room.

"I thought you weren't going to get up all day!" James mocked as Sirius knocked him over and started beating him up with a cushion.

**o0o0o**

They hadn't expected to see Remus until evening. But just half an hour later, he came back into the common room. They all looked up from their card game in surprise.

"Weren't you going out with your girlfriend?" asked Peter.

"No." Remus was white as a sheet. "No... not... anymore." He spun round and raced up the stairs to the dormitories.

James took off after him. Peter and Sirius looked at each other.

"Oh no," Sirius said, "she ditched him. Now I feel kind of bad about all my complaining..."

They were quiet for some time. Then Peter said: "Maybe... we should go up there?"

"Not now. James is there. We shouldn't all go at him at the same time."

Shortly after, Lily walked in, asking for James.

"He's upstairs comforting Remus. His girlfriend just dumped him," said Peter

Lily clapped her hand to her mouth as she dropped onto an armchair. "No, no, no! - POOR Remus! He'll be devastated."

**o0o0o**

About an hour later, James came back down. He looked sad and worried. "She ditched him for that big git, Bracken."

"The Slytherin beater? She dumped him for a SLYTHERIN?" asked Peter.

"I _told_ you she was stupid!" Sirius blurted out.

"I've never seen him this upset. Crying his eyes out. I had to give him a bit of Madam Pomfrey's sedative just to calm him down." James sat down next to Lily.

"Ah... he'll be fine in no time. There are plenty of fish in the sea."

Lily raised her head and looked disapprovingly at him. "Just because _you_ move from one girl to the next as if it were a sport - it doesn't mean that everybody else are like that! Some of us actually put emotions into our relationships!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying it isn't the end of the world! It's not like they were married or anything. He'll soon find someone else to drool over, and then he'll have forgotten all about that tart."

Lily looked furiously at him - "What are you talking about? Don't you know Remus at all? - he's a very sensitive kind of guy. He doesn't go around pouring his heart out to just anyone."

"Yeah," added James, "this girl really meant something to him..."

"Ah, he could do so much better. She's boring. And not very pretty, either".

"You know what, Sirius?" Lily said with ice in her voice. "You can be _such _an idiot sometimes. You're SO shallow when it comes to girls. Just because you're so damned good looking - you think you can have anyone you please!"

"Well he _can_..." mumbled Peter, but shut up immediately when he noticed the eyes Lily sent him.

She turned her attention back to Sirius. "It's spoiling you, all that success. You might not risk getting hurt like Remus, but as long as you don't take love seriously, you're not going to find true happiness either."

"You can't blame a guy for being gorgeous..." grinned Sirius and winked at her.

"Lily, take it easy," James said. "You know Padfoot. He's just messing with you. You're overreacting."

She wrenched herself loose of him and jumped up. "Arghh! All guys are idiots!" she said and marched off.

"Remus too?" Sirius shouted after her.

"Shut UP, Sirius!" James said. "She's right - you _can_ be an idiot sometimes..."

"You're just taking her side because she FINALY gave in and started dating you."

Sirius sat there, sulking for a minute. "She's _so_ overreacting. ... sure I take love seriously..." he muttered to himself. "I've just never fallen in love with anyone... Is that my fault?"

**o0o0o**

In the time that followed, Remus' condition improved at a very slow rate. The first days the other marauders hadn't even been able to get him to leave his bed. On the fourth day, Professor McGonagall had had enough of Remus' neglecting classes and prefect duties. She came marching into the dormitory and told James, Sirius and Peter that she needed a word with Remus in private.

"Professor, please don't punish him. He's not cutting classes for the fun of it. He's really miserable!" pleaded Sirius as she ushered them out the room.

"It really is none of your business, Mr. Black, but since you are obviously concerned for your friend, you can rest assured that I will not harm him in any way. He is not the first heartsick boy I've had to deal with, you know," she said, smacking the door in their faces.

Remus wouldn't tell them what McGonagall had said, but her visit _did_ result in him managing to drag himself out of bed in the morning and go back to attending his classes.

Although he was still having trouble understanding why Remus had _such_ a severe reaction to being dumped by a girl (because he himself had never experienced a particularly upsetting breakup), Sirius soon realized just how much hurt it was causing his friend. He felt like an idiot for what he'd said to James and Lily that Sunday, and was only glad that Remus hadn't heard any of it. He found himself unable to accept that his dear friend should continue to suffer so needlessly. He kept doing all he could to cheer him up, and pleaded with him to just get over it and be happy again.

**o0o0o**

"What are we going to do?" Sirius asked desperately, pacing back and forth.

"About what?" asked James.

"About Moony, of course! He's completely out of it. How can we get him to move on?"

"You can't make that happen, Padfoot. He just needs time. The only thing you _can_ do, is to just be there for him. Let him know you're his friend."

**o0o0o**

"Remus, you're overly sensitive. It's not healthy. Forget about her." They were sitting on Remus' bed in the dorm. "She's an idiot for not seeing what a good thing she had... You're much better off without her... There's so much to be excited about! And -" he smiled and winked, "- you are friends with the coolest people in the whole school!"

Remus forced a smile. "I know. And I'm sorry to be such a strain on you lot. I must be really depressing to be around."

"Don't be sorry. Just be happy!" laughed Sirius. Then his face turned grave. "You're not a strain. It just breaks my heart seeing you suffer like this, mate. I can't stand it." He put his hand on top of Remus' when he said the last part.

Remus looked surprised. "I'm sorry... I mean... it's very nice of you to -"

Sirius tightened his grip on Remus' hand and moved closer in on him. "I'll do anything to make you smile again," he said, looking straight into his eyes. "I mean it. Anything that will help you feel better. Just say it."

This time Remus' smile was sincere and unforced. However, he quickly broke the eye contact, looking down as if a bit uncomfortable being so close to the other boy, but he was clearly happy about what he had said. "Thank you, Sirius. That really means a lot to me. More than you know."

**o0o0o**

After that episode things slowly started to get better. Remus would smile and laugh along with the others more and more often. Sirius found that it warmed his heart every time he saw a smile on the other boy's face. More and more often he caught himself gazing at Remus, studying all his moves and facial expressions. Every time Remus noticed that he was being watched, he sent Sirius the sweetest, warmest smile one could imagine. He never asked why Sirius was looking. He just smiled. Whenever that happened, Sirius felt his stomach do a summersault. _I'm just concerned about his well being,_ he told himself. _That's what you do for a friend. It's perfectly normal._

Sirius was furious at the girl who had hurt his friend so deeply. Whenever he spotted her in the great hall or in the corridors he had to control his urge to go over and punch her. But at the same time, there was something else... another feeling towards her. He couldn't quite place it. Was it gratitude? No - that couldn't be it. How could he be grateful for something that caused Remus so much grief? Still he couldn't deny the feeling nagging away at the back of his mind. He wondered. Could it be, that he _had _in fact been jealous, like James had joked? Was he actually relieved that she had let Remus go? - So that he could have him all to himself?


	2. Chapter 2

****A/N: This chapter is really short. Sorry about that.****

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Sirius woke up not knowing exactly what had disturbed his sleep. Then he heard it - a muffled sobbing sound. It came from Remus' bed. Sirius got up and tiptoed across the floor. "Moony," he whispered.

Remus' body gave a little jump. "Padfoot? You startled me!" Then he looked embarrassed."I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Don't be," said Sirius. He looked around, then jumped onto Remus' bed. He drew the curtains around the four-poster.

The other boy stared at him. "What are you doing?" he whispered.

Sirius turned on a soft light with his wand. He sat with his legs tugged away under him, facing his friend.

"Now," he said, "what's up with you, Moons. Tell old Padfoot. Is it still that stupid girl? I thought you'd gotten over her."

Remus sighed. "It's not so much that. I don't really have feelings for her any longer. It's more... you know... the whole experience. I feel like such a loser! She said that I was a really nice bloke and all, but that she needed somebody more exciting. A bad boy. More manly." He was quiet for a minute. "I guess she's attracted to broad chests and big muscles and such. That Slytherin guy's got it all..."

"She's got bad taste - so what?" Sirius snorted, throwing his head back, his black fringe flipping away from his eyes.

"How could anyone find _me_ attractive?" Remus looked up, tears filling his eyes. "I'm just a skinny, dull looking little boy. I'm ugly! My hair's boring and my face is all deform with these two big scars..."

Sirius leaned forward and tilted the other boy's face upwards with his hand gently placed under his chin. He looked sincerely into his hazel eyes. "Moony... you are not ugly. Are you _kidding_ me? You are the cutest boy I know. Your hair is adorable," he grasped a big lock of the soft caramel-coloured hair with his free hand, "your face is beautiful! Those scars... really don't change that." He traced the scars with two fingers across Remus' face. "They're just white marks. They're even soft - like the rest of your skin. If I were a girl, I'd throw myself at you in an instant."

Remus looked at him in surprise. "Are you making fun of me, Padfoot? You can't be serious! There's no way I'm going to believe all that.."

Sirius let go of Remus' face and sighed. "Believe what you will. I meant what I said"

There was a long awkward silence.

"Well," Sirius said. "Are you going to be OK? Because if you are, I think I'll be getting back to bed..."

Remus nodded. "Yes. Thank you. I'm feeling better. It's kind of you to care so much for me."

**o0o0o**

By now Sirius could no longer fool himself about his feelings for his friend. He had a crush on him, and he had it bad. There was no denying it. He wondered if this was what falling in love felt like. Whenever Remus entered the room, he felt his pulse pick up speed and his throat thickening, making it hard for him to breath properly. It was impossible for him to concentrate on anything when Remus was around. Which meant that his schoolwork was neglected more than ever. He could sit and stare at an open book for hours without really absorbing any of the words on the pages.

Sirius was in a huge conflict with himself. He had no idea how to react to this brand new experience. He - Sirius Black - who always knew what to do, always acted on his impulses, never doubted himself. He had never been the kind of person, who restrained himself, or carefully planned how to conduct or formulate himself. When he wanted something, he normally would just go for it. And he wanted Remus - oh, he wanted him! But this was different. He had no idea what to do with all these new feelings. Should he just act on them? He wasn't sure he could take it if Remus rejected him. It wasn't that he was scared of looking a fool, but he was terrified of losing Moony's' trust and friendship. He had _never_ felt this vulnerable and it scared the hell out of him.

**o0o0o**

James had noticed the change in Sirius' behaviour. He confronted him one afternoon when Remus and Peter were off somewhere else.

"Now, Padfoot, tell me what's up with you."

"U-up? What do you mean? There's nothing up with me..."

"Oh - come off it! You've been acting bloody weird lately. Clearly something's bothering you." James put his hands on Sirius' shoulders.

Sirius shook them off, looking irritated. "Nothing's bothering me! What do you mean I'm acting weird?"

"Well, you're very quiet, for a start. You're rarely laughing, and when have we last played a prank on somebody?"

"We did one last week. Outside Filch's office, remember?"

"That was Wormtail's and my idea. We practically had to drag you and Moony along. And while that's kind of normal for Rem, it's not like you at all! You're like a shadow of yourself."

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, Potter. You're not going to get to practice you psycho therapy skills today."

"You don't fool me, Padfoot. Moony is worried about you too. But I think he's too shy to bring it up in front of you. Seems to think everything is his fault, like usual. And Peter... well, you know - he's not that observant. But _I'm _neither shy _nor _stupid. So tell me. Come on - I'm your best friend. We can trust each other with anything, you know."

"There's nothing to tell!" pouted Sirius stubbornly, stamping his foot in the ground.

**o0o0o**

James had left him alone after that. But it was a wakeup call for Sirius. He really had to pull himself together and try to behave like his normal self around the others. If James found out... even if he kept the secret, things would become awkward within the group.

For a while, Sirius managed to stay in character and act like his old self - being loud, pulling pranks, and just being plain rambunctious. He would tease and charm the pack of girls, that would often surround him. He thought he was doing a pretty good job, considering the torment going on inside him, and considering that none of his admires caught his interest in any way. He only yearned for one person's attention.

The hardest times for Sirius were when Remus send smiles in his direction, when their bodies accidentally touched, or basically whenever Remus was being particularly cute - which was often.

Sirius would lie awake for hours every night, not being able to sleep. He would listen to Remus' steady breathing from across the room, struggling to restrain his urge to sneak over and watch him sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Hope you guys like where it's going! And I hope it gave a little bit of insight into Remus' feelings, like some of you requested.**

**Love the reviews, they are very motivating!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

In early November the first snow fell. The lake quickly began to freeze and the ground lay covered in a thick blanket of white. The horse drawn sleighs were pulled out from the storage building and made ready for the winter.

The Marauders sat crammed into one of the sleighs, high spirits, cold noses and blushed cheeks. It was a cold and beautiful day with a clear blue sky - perfect for the monthly Hogsmeade trip.

When they got off, they immediately headed for the centre of the village. Sirius noticed that Remus had fallen behind. He stopped, turned around and spotted him standing in front of one of the horses. Sirius knew Remus was very fond of animals. He started walking back and stopped about ten yards from him. "Come on, Rem," he called, "we won't get a table at The Three Broomsticks if we don't hurry up!"

Remus was admiring the horse's head, slowly sliding his hand down its neck."Look, Padfoot, - the school's gotten a new horse. Isn't he gorgeous?" He called back, a big grin on his face.

It _was_ a very beautiful animal, it didn't take an enthusiast to see it. Pure white with a soft-looking silver mane. He could see why Remus was taken in by it. "Yes," he shouted, "it's very pretty. Now come on, before my arse freezes off!"

The slender boy didn't react. He seemed completely preoccupied with the horse. It arched its graceful neck and nudged gently at Remus' cheek. He laughed and lavished its face with gentle strokes.

"Oh, Merlin!" moaned Sirius to himself, staring at his friend like hypnotized.

Remus looked illegally cute standing there. His red and gold scarf was wrapped loosely around his neck, one end hanging down to his hip. Sirius swallowed hard. A faint breeze was playing with his hair. His lovely, light caramel hair. It fell perfectly around his head, down the nape of his neck, his fringe a little off to the sides so you could just make out his forehead.

"Aren't they amazing creatures?" asked Remus dreamily, not taking his eyes of the animal. "Imagine being one..."

_"I would like to be THAT one, right now,"_ Sirius thought desperately. For a moment he wished his animagus form wasn't a dog.

He could see from Remus' lip movements that he was whispering something to the horse. He blew air into its nostril and kissed its soft muzzle.

Sirius wanted to kick himself. _You're jealous of a _HORSE_, you bloody idiot! This has GOT to be an all time low - even for you_.

"Close your mouth, Padfoot," said a voice beside him. "You look like you've never seen a horse before."

Sirius jumped, not having noticed James coming back for them. "I...it's just that..." his thoughts raced to find a plausible explanation for his obviously lame expression, "... it's a _really_ nice horse, that one." He tried to read James' face to see if he'd bought the excuse. The puzzled raised eyebrow didn't exactly put his mind at ease.

**o0o0o**

They spent a delightful day in Hogsmeade. When they had visited all the shops they wanted to, and had as much butterbeer as they could drink, they still had some time to kill before the sleighs would take them back to the castle.

The boys were hanging out on the outskirts when a big snowball suddenly smashed into the back of James' head. It came with such force that he stumbled forwards from the impact. He drew his wand and spun around, ready to jinx some stupid Slytherin. The roaring laughter of the others would have been enough to drive James to curse the one responsible, no matter WHO. Except Lily, of course. She was coming down the hill with one of her Hufflepuff girlfriends. James lowered his wand and looked stupid.

"Nice one, Evans," hollered Sirius, still laughing.

James brushed snow out of his hair and muttered: "You're lucky I'm such a gentleman - not hitting girls and such..."

"HA!" Lily snorted and threw back her head. "You're as much a gentleman as Black is a saint."

"I don't know why I take this abuse," James moped, "but I love you anyway!" he said approaching her, seemingly to give her a hug. Instead he shoved a handful of snow in her face and gave it a good rubbing around.

"Goodbye Prongs," said Remus, "it was nice knowing you."

This being the detonator, a ferocious 'everyone against everyone' snow-fight erupted. Soon they were all covered in snow. Peter focused all his attention on Arabella, Lily's friend. He kept chasing after and throwing snow at her.

"That little clown - it's _so_ obvious what he's up to," said Sirius to James, who had paused next to him for a second to create an extra nasty snowball.

Before James could answer, however, Remus came running out of nowhere and pounced hard on Sirius. They tumbled down a small hill together and finally came to rest, Sirius on his back, Remus on top. Their faces were less than a foot apart. At first Remus was laughing, but then his expression turned serious. Both boys were staring at each other as if spellbound. Sirius' heart pounded so hard that it threatened to burst out of his chest. He was sure Remus must feel it. _He_ could definitely feel _Remus'_ chest heave and sink from his rapid breathing. He found it impossible to look away from the eyes of the other boy. He could hardly even blink. Remus' pupils had expanded so much, that they filled most of his big hazel eyes. There were flakes of snow caught in his lashes. His mouth was half open, and Sirius could feel the warm breath on his skin. It felt like they had been lying there forever. _He's not getting off of me. Why isn't he getting off of me?_

"HEY! You two love birds," shouted James, "- go get a room, or come help me teach the girls a lesson!"

As if pulled out of a trance, Remus rolled off Sirius and quickly got on to his feet. His face went from pink to dark red and he set off running up the hill. Sirius followed slowly behind, dizzy and completely dazed from the incident.

**o0o0o**

Darkness had fallen by the time they were back in the sleigh, sitting behind trotting horses. The night was icy cold and they were all tugging their cloaks extra tightly around themselves to keep from freezing too much. James and Lily were sitting in the back wrapped around each other. Peter, Arabella and Sirius were sitting in front of them, Remus behind Sirius. Everybody were quiet and tired from an eventful day .

As the sleigh travelled onto the frozen Black Lake, Sirius thought he felt something touching his hair. Startled, he twisted his head around and saw Remus yank his hand back.

"I-I..." stuttered Remus. "There was something in your hair. Sorry."

"What?"

"Just some snow," he said, avoiding eye contact.

"Oh. OK."

For the rest of the ride Sirius' thoughts were spinning around in his head. He felt more confused than ever. Was he imagining things, or had Remus been acting really weird around him today? He had blushed when James commented their incident during the snow-fight - Sirius was sure of it. It hadn't just been the cold weather. Could be that he was just embarrassed, though. Still, a bit of an overreaction, wasn't it? Nothing had actually happened! They'd just been a bit slow to react to the awkward situation.

_But he could have moved right away, _said a voice in his head. _He just lay there. For hours._

_He was in shock, _Sirius answered.

_But did you see the way he stared at you? _

_I stared at him!_

_Yes, but you are head-over-heels for him! _

_It doesn't prove anything._

_What about just before, then?_

_What about it?_

_He was stroking your hair._

_He was brushing snow out of it. You heard him!_

_Bollocks. He was stroking it._

_Friends can stroke each other's hair. It's just a display of affection. It's not like he snogged me or grabbed my crotch or anything._

The voice went quiet. _You're putting too much into it,_ he told himself. _You're seeing things, because you so desperately want to see them! _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next couple of days Sirius was more bewildered than ever. He simply couldn't figure out what to do with the I-love-Remus-and maybe-he's-into-me-too situation. He wasn't convinced that the signs of interest he thought he'd sensed in Remus were real. Maybe it was just his imagination. But the Hogsmeade trip had kindled a small hope inside of him. He could not get the look on Remus' face, as they lay on the ground at the bottom of the hill, out of his head.

The following days he often got the feeling that someone was watching him intensely when he was reading or writing notes in class. When he looked up, he thought he saw Remus cast his eyes down and blush. Sirius also noticed that he barely ate at the meals. He just sat there, stabbing uninterestedly at his food.

_Maybe he's ill. Or he's nervous about the upcoming full moon. That wouldn't be a first._

_Maybe he's in love with me and therefore has no appetite._

_You're being conceited._

_I'm going to tell him._

_You know he's straight. He went out with Camille, remember. And a few other girls before her. _

_So did I! And a lot more than him, to put it mildly._

**o0o0o**

Wednesday there was a special NEWT information class in which the 6th years of all four houses participated. Of the Marauders it was just Remus and Sirius that were present. James had been excused due to extra quidditch practice, the yearly game against Slytherin coming up that weekend. Peter was in the hospital wing with the flu.

As the class had ended and the students were flooding out of the classroom, a coarse voice sounded: "Hey, Scarface! What's up?"

Sirius and Remus looked up and saw a big Slytherin standing there, flanked by two others. It was Bracken, the guy Camille had dumped Remus for.

"Managed to find another bird desperate enough to go out with you?"

"Shut the fuck up you stupid wanker!" growled Sirius

Bracken ignored Sirius and continued: "No? I thought not. I honestly don't understand what Camille ever saw in you. Pathetic excuse for a wizard..."

"I'll hex you so badly that your own mother won't recognize you!" yelled Sirius furiously. He reached for his wand, but Remus put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"Sirius, don't."

"That's right - control your bodyguard, or he might get hurt," laughed Bracken.

Remus tightened his hold on Sirius' arm, obviously afraid of what he might get himself into.

In the doorway Bracken turned around and shouted: "By the way - she told me how ridiculous she thought you were. And how embarrassed she is that she ever let you touch her!"

His house mates roared with laughter, and Sirius went for the door as if shot out of a canon. Somehow the sight of such sudden and intense wrath shocked the three Slytherins, and they set off sprinting down the corridor. Sirius chased after and shot a stunning spell at them. It bounced off the wall as they turned a corner.

Suddenly he came to a halt as he remembered Remus. He knew that he must be very upset about Bracken's words. He knew they had hit home. He made his way back past the last of the students leaving the classroom. He heard fragments of conversations, such as: "Idiot" and "poor bloke."

Remus was still in the room, which was otherwise empty now. He was standing by the window with his back turned.

"Moony?"

No reaction. Sirius walked over to him and gently turned him around by the shoulder.

Remus' eyes were filled with tears, a few of them already travelling down his cheeks. The wounded look in his eyes broke Sirius' heart.

"Oh, Moony," he said and threw his arms around him. Remus buried his head in Sirius' shoulder and wept onto it. Sirius held him tight and could feel the little body shaking at each sob. He rested his cheek on Remus' head and rocked him gently, like someone comforting a child. He smelled his hair, taking in a deep breath. It smelled sweet of raspberry and fresh air.

"Don't listen to any of that. It's not true! He's just a stupid arse - who is soon to have seen his last morning when I get a hold of him, might I add." He kept rocking him slowly and stroked his hair. "She didn't tell him those things, Rem. He just said that to hurt you. He's probably just jealous of you, being her ex and all."

They stood like that for a long time. Then Sirius stopped and pulled back a little, letting go of his hold of Remus. He cupped his delicate face in his hands, ever so gently, and looked into his eyes.

"Remus, you mustn't think of yourself like that. Nobody else does - apart from a few Slytherins, of course. Everybody in their right mind likes you! Because you're a very likable guy. You never hurt anyone and you are always kind to people - even those who don't deserve it. "

Remus looked into Sirius' eyes. Sirius looked back, and they were both unable to break the eye contact again. Intense grey met warm hazel. Sirius brushed a lock of hair away from Remus' forehead. He traced the back of his finger across his perfectly curved eyebrow and continued down his cheek where he gently wiped a tear away. Remus had stopped sobbing. He lifted a hand up to Sirius' face and touched it tentatively. Their faces were very close and they were still buried deep in each others' eyes.

There was no way of telling who initiated the kiss. It was as if both just realised that this was the exact moment to do it. They closed their eyes and felt their lips brush lightly against each other. Sirius touched Remus' lips with the tip of his to tongue and Remus opened his mouth slightly to invite it in. He placed his hands on Sirius shoulders and Sirius cupped Remus' face in his.

They slowly sank to the floor, still in a close open mouth kiss. All Sirius' thoughts had left his head. He only sensed Remus, his delicate lips and tender tongue, his sweet breath, his soft hair and skin. He had no idea where or who he was.

They sat like that forever, carefully exploring each others' mouths with their tongues. Finally, they pulled apart and looked at each other.

"You are...that was..." began Remus.

"Wonderful," Sirius finished.

Remus nodded.

"I bet you've forgotten about Bracken now!"

"Who?" smiled Remus.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed away a dry tear on the other boy's cheek. He proceeded to the other cheek where he did the same. Then his mouth travelled back to Remus' and they kissed again.

Suddenly Remus jumped up with a nervous look in his eyes. "Someone's coming!"

"What?" said Sirius and jumped up as well.

James strolled into the room. "Hey, you lot! Found you on the map," he said, tapping it with his index finger. "Why are you still here? I thought the information class had ended a while ago?"

"Padfoot forgot his quill, so we went back to get it," lied Remus.

"Oh. Was it any good?"

"What?" asked Sirius hastily.

"The class, you twat! - What else?"

"It was really boring. You didn't miss anything."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Finally some action! Much more to come. Will be back soon, as I don't start at Uni until next month. Still love your reviews, I'm pleased to hear your thoughts.**


	5. Chapter 5

****A/N: **New chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

After that first amazing kiss and figuring out that Remus reciprocated his feelings, Sirius couldn't think of anything but when they would have a chance to be alone together again. He wanted more, and was also anxious to discuss what had happened. Where did they go from here?

Surprisingly, they didn't have to wait long. At dinner James announced that he had detention with Slughorn, later that night, because he had "spilled" a Hair-Raising potion on Snape in class. Remus and Sirius quickly exchanged gazes.

Later in the common room when James left for his detention, Sirius and Remus hurried up to the dorm. Sirius closed the door behind them and turned toward Remus. "We've got an hour!"

"No time to waste, then," said Remus and pulled Sirius in close to him. They started where they had left off, kissing softly and sincerely. They embraced, touching each other's backs, necks, shoulders and bums. The kiss became more intense and passionate as they stood close together, bodies pressed against each other. Through his jeans, Sirius could feel the other boy's arousal against his own. He could hear and feel Remus moaning softly into his mouth and he started moving his hand from his back to his crotch.

Remus grabbed Sirius' hand and stopped the movement. "No. It's going too fast," he said. "We haven't even talked yet."

"You're right. I'm sorry. It's just that you really turn me on, Moony!"

"Me too."

"You turn yourself on?"

"No, you daftie," laughed Remus and slapped him playfully.

"All right. Let's go lie on the bed then."

"The bed?" asked Remus doubtfully.

"Yeah. No funny business, I promise."

They lay down on Remus' bed facing each other. Remus looked into Sirius' face and smiled. "When did you know?" he asked.

"Know what?"

"That you were... that you...fancied me?"

"I don't know," said Sirius. "It sort of sneaked up on me. I started suspecting it around the time when you and Camille split up. I realised I'd been jealous, and then..." he looked away in shame and mumbled, " I was a bit relieved, that she'd let you go. I'm sorry Moony - that was really selfish. I _did_ feel horrible about you being so unhappy, though."

Remus smiled. "That's okay. You can't control how you feel."

"And then it just got worse and worse. After a while I couldn't think about anything but you."

"I wasn't like that with me at all," said Remus.

"What? You weren't into me...until today?"

"Oh, yes. But it didn't sneak up on me, like you said. I might have fancied you for a while, but I had no idea. Suddenly it just hit me. Like a hammer. That day in Hogsmeade when we rolled down the hill."

"Oh! _That's_ why you looked so shocked."

"I mean, I've admired you immensely for a long time. For your coolness, wit, rambunctiousness. And of course I'd noticed how incredibly handsome you are. But I'd never thought of it quite like this before."

Sirius smiled delightedly. "Wow. This is big. I don't know about you Moony, but _I'm_ completely, totally, head-over-heels for you."

Remus blushed and smiled. "Me too. - I mean, for _you_!

"Then... you'll be my boyfriend?"

"Yeah," grinned Remus.

They lay together for a long time, just looking and smiling at each other.

"So," said Sirius. "How are we going to tell the others?"

"What?" said Remus alarmed. "We can't tell them!"

"Why not?"

"Because... it's not normal. You know - we're blokes!"

"So what? It's not _that_ uncommon, Rem."

"It's still kind of weird."

"I don't care what people are going to think!"

"I know you don't. But I just don't have your self-confidence. I'm not ready. I haven't even come to terms with it myself. I'm confused. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm completely smitten with you."

"Ok. That's enough for now. We'll just wait till you're ready."

They started kissing again. Slow, intimate tongue kisses. They were so absorbed in it that they didn't hear James climbing the stairs. At the sound of the door opening, Sirius started and tried to get off the bed so fast that he fell onto the floor with a loud thud.

"What on _earth_ are you doing, Pads?" asked James.

Sirius cursed under his breath. "Fuck! I tripped over Moony's damned pile of bleeding books! Hurt my hip, too."

**o0o0o**

It turned out to be harder than they'd thought to hide their new found love from the other Marauders. Most of all because they had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other in public. Not surprisingly, Sirius was the one who had the biggest problem controlling his impulses. Remus would often have to send him frowning looks or flick away his hand.

They would sit very close at meals and in class so they could discretely paw over each other's thighs and intertwine fingers under the table. In the common room they would share a couch whenever they could, and cuddle up as much as they thought could pass off as mere friendly affection.

One evening in the common room, Sirius was half-sitting/half-lying on the couch with Remus pressed against him and his head resting on his chest. Watching Sirius petting the caramel hair enthusiastically, James commented suspiciously: "You two have gotten awfully chummy lately."

"Well, we are Marauders. We love each other like brothers! I like to show my affection for you lads," Sirius said quickly.

"Well, I've never seen you stroking Wormtail's hair like that!"

"Wormy's hair just isn't as soft as Moony's," explained Sirius.

"And you never cuddle up with me like that, either," James continued.

"Awwwww, are we feeling a little left out? Want a snog, is that it?" Before James could react, Sirius had jumped up - nearly shoving Remus off the couch - and planted a big smooch on James' mouth.

"Yuck!" exclaimed James, wiping off his mouth. Peter, and a few other students close by, laughed hard. "PLEASE show your affection for me in another way in the future, Padfoot!"

Afterwards, Remus was sulking about the incident.

"Come on Moony, you can't seriously be jealous of Prongs! I had to do something drastic. And it worked like a charm! Threw him off track, didn't it?"

"Hmmm. Well, we've got to be more careful."

"I don't want to be more careful. I want to snog in public and show off my great catch!"

**o0o0o**

That night Remus woke with a start, discovering Sirius climbing onto his bed. "Sirius get OUT! What do you think you're doing?"

"I can't sleep. Can I lie with you?"

"_No way_!" he whispered as loudly as he dared.

"C'mon Moony, I'll be really quiet!" he begged and displayed his best puppy dog eyes.

"You can't be quiet!"

Sirius batted his eyelashes.

"They might catch us. That would be... it's definitely not the way I want them to find out! Now, go back to your own bed."

Sirius finally gave up, and slunk off like a dog having been told off by its master.

**o0o0o**

As the Christmas holidays drew near, Sirius noticed Remus becoming a bit quiet and uneasy. "What's up, Moony? You seem a little under the weather."

"It's just that... come the holidays - I won't see you for almost two weeks! It'll be ghastly."

"Oh, yeah. Bugger! I hadn't thought about that," said Sirius. "Gee, I don't know if I can survive that, Moons!"

"I know."

"I never thought I'd see the day where I'd rather go to school than on holiday! I wish we could just stay here. But you have to go home to your mum, of course."

"Yeah well, it's not as if she'd be devastated if I didn't."

"What? Why?"

"It's a long story. The short version is that she has a new muggle husband, and she doesn't like to draw too much attention to her connections with the wizarding world. It's not that I'm not welcome, it's just that she isn't too comfortable having me around."

Sirius' mouth stood open. "That's cold, Moony! How come?"

"Don't like to talk about it."

"Well, anyway - if you don't _have_ to go there, why don't we just stay?" Sirius said excitedly. "Of course James' parents will be disappointed that I'm not coming, but I guess they'll get over it."

Remus' face cracked open in a grin. "That would be brilliant! And Padfoot - we would have the whole dorm to ourselves!"


	6. Chapter 6

****A/N: A difficult chapter this one. I had to struggle a good deal with Remus. I'm sort of happy with him now. I hope he'll come across right.****

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

They said goodbye to the others in the common room on the last day of school. It was quickly emptying as almost all the Gryffindors were going home for Christmas.

"Bye, you guys." said James. "I still think you should have come home with me, though. You too, Moony."

"I appreciate the invitation. Remember to thank your parents from me. But honestly, I'd rather stay here and have a bit of peaceful time to myself."

"Peaceful? - With _that _guy around?" James pointed at Sirius.

They both felt a little bad about having to lie to James, now that he and his parents were so hospitable.

"Moony needs a bit of company or he'll go completely hermit," said Sirius. "Besides, I've never been here at Christmas - I think it'll be fun! You guys should have stayed too, like I said. It would have been wicked!" Sirius had only made that suggestion because he knew James wouldn't want to disappoint his parents and that there was no way Peter's mother would let her precious little baby stay.

"Well, have a nice Christmas." James lifted a finger and adopted an authoritative expression. "Now, can you puppies behave until Daddy comes home?"

They both nodded innocently.

As soon as they left, Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and practically hauled him up to the dorm. "I thought they'd never leave!" he uttered as he pushed the door closed.

Remus grabbed him by the waist and pulled him in for an eager kiss.

"Easy, tiger. We've got two weeks!"

"No time to waste, then!" said Remus, and they both laughed.

They started kissing again, slowly and softly. Both kept their eyes open and gazed dreamily into the other's. Sirius brought his hands up to Remus' hair and dug into it. Merlin, he loved that hair! Apart from his eyes it was the most gorgeous part of Remus. He had the feeling that even if it had been attached to Snivellus' head he wouldn't have been able to keep his fingers away from it.

The kiss deepened and became more sensuous without speeding up or losing its tenderness. "Oh, sweet, dear Moony," he moaned softly into his mouth. He felt Remus' hands slowly pull his shirt free of his trousers and slide up under it. Sirius sighed and dug even further into his hair, massaging the scalp lightly. He let his teeth get a gentle hold of Remus' lower lip and sucked it, drawing a whimper from him. Remus let his hands roam Sirius' back. Sirius brought his hands down to Remus' collar and slowly began to unbutton the shirt. He worked his way to the bottom and pulled it free of the trousers.

"Wait," said Remus. "Let's go sit on the bed. I don't trust my knees to keep me standing for much longer!"

They sat down on the edge of the bed, twisting their bodies so they faced each other. Remus went to work on Sirius' shirt buttons as Sirius lowered his head to his neck and kissed it passionately. Then he moved up to his ear and started nipping it teasingly. He could hear Remus' breathing getting faster.

"Padfoot... s-stop. Stop for a minute. Before we go any further there's something we have to talk about."

Sirius reluctantly let go of Remus' earlobe and looked at him. "You have really bad timing, Moony, you know that?" he sighed. "What about?"

"It's just...can we...I don't know how to put this..." he mumbled and cast his eyes down.

"Go on, Moony. Just say it."

"Well... I don't think I can go all the way."

There was a short moment of silence.

"Are you saving yourself for marriage, or something?" said Sirius in a failed attempt to be funny.

"I just don't feel ready yet."

"Why not, Remus?"

"Well, first of all... I'm a little scared."

"What? It's just me! Your Padfoot. Don't you trust me?"

"Yes, I trust you! I'm not scared of _you_ - just the whole...thing. And I've never... you know..." He looked away in embarrassment.

Sirius smiled. "Oh, _that's_ it! That's nothing to be ashamed of, Moony. I think it's quite sweet, actually."

"I'm not ashamed. It's just that I'm completely inexperienced compared to you."

"You'll be surprised to learn that I'm not quite as experienced as everybody thinks I am."

Remus looked at him sceptically.

"Well, I've _gone out _with a lot of birds - there's no denying that. But it has all been very superficial and I've only gone all the way with a few of them. And those times it was just like _wham bang thank you Ma'am_."

"That's not very nice," commented Remus slightly disapprovingly.

"You sound like Evans! No - you're right, of course. I've been an arse. I never really cared about romance - not until I fell for you." He picked up Remus' hands and held them in his lap. "The truth is that... falling in love with you has been a brand new experience for me. I'm starting to suspect I wasn't attracted to any of those girls in the first place. That might be the reason why I cut things off as soon as it started getting serious. It never felt right. I thought that maybe it would feel right with another girl. But it never did. My notion of love and sex has changed completely. So you see, as far as _lovemaking_ goes - I'm pretty much as inexperienced as you. Besides - you're a bloke, and that's a first for me too," he winked.

Remus nodded.

"Oh Godric, I sound like a bleeding romance novel! My old self would retch," said Sirius, mimicking getting sick.

Remus laughed. Then he turned serious again. "I'm still nervous about not living up to your expectations, though. I really want it to be perfect."

"I want it to be perfect, too! But I know it will be. With the two of us being so hot together - how can it be anything short of perfect?"

"Well I'm still really shy about it. I'd like to take it a bit slow. If that's okay with you. Otherwise - I'll do it if you want me to..."

"It's all right. It's ok, Moony. We'll take it at your speed. As long as it's not because you don't want me."

Remus face lit up in a relieved smile. "Thanks Pads. I really _do _want you! More than anything."

"Okay. Trousers stay on for now, then. But everything else comes off!" said Sirius and pulled so hard on Remus' shoe that he flipped over on his back.

With the shoes gone, he proceeded to pull off a sock.

"Some people have a sock fetish," said Remus.

"Really? Well, I have more of a no-clothes-on-at-all fetish," said Sirius as he yanked off the other sock.

**o0o0o**

Later that night they were lying peacefully snuggled up in bed. It felt amazing to be able to lie together as long as they pleased, just enjoying each other's closeness and warmth, not having to worry about being caught.

"Moony?"

"Mmmm."

"How did your dad die?"

Remus was silent for a while. So long, that Sirius was about to give up on getting an answer. Then he said: "He drank a potion that had gone bad."

"What? How could THAT happen? A potion doesn't just go bad and become lethal, does it?"

Remus didn't answer.

"Do you think someone poisoned him? Switched potions while he wasn't looking?"

"Don't think so."

"How can one make such a mistake?"

"Don't you get it, Padfoot?" Remus said irritably. "He didn't make a mistake!"

Sirius looked horrified. "Oh! You mean... he committed suicide?"

"Yeah, that's what I mean."

"Moony, that's horrible! How could he DO that to you?"

"He wasn't well. He got so sick with guilt that in the end he just couldn't take it anymore. You know Fenrir Greyback attacked me because my dad offended him..."

"But that doesn't make sense! How can he feel so bad about harming you, and then go on to harm you even more?"

"Like I said - he wasn't well. He wasn't thinking straight."

"And now you feel guilty that he took his own life because of that, don't you?"

Remus shrugged. "Maybe a little bit."

"That's crazy, Moony! You mustn't DO that!" He pulled Remus closer and held on to him comfortingly. "What he did was unforgivable. How can a parent do such a thing to his child?"

"Don't talk about my dad like that. He was a good father."

"The HELL he was! If he were here right now, I'd kill him myself."

They were quiet for a while.

"And where was your mum in all this?"

"She...didn't deal with it very well. I think she blamed me. Being the indirect reason. She loved him very deeply."

"And what about YOU?" Sirius exclaimed, furious on Remus' behalf. "Didn't she love YOU? You're her SON, for Merlin's sake!"

"I guess she did - does. But she never loved me like she did my father. And she has always been a very fragile person - this thing just broke her. She turned her back on the wizarding world. Too much pain there." Remus couldn't hold back his tears anymore and started weeping silently.

"My sweet, brave Moony. You've kept this bottled up all these years. You should have told us!" said Sirius, cupping his face. He kissed him gently and then placed his chin on top of Remus' head, letting him bury his face in the crook of his neck. "It's okay. Just let it out. You've been let down so badly. But it'll be all right. Now you've got me. _I'll _never abandon you. I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'll be off to Holland the next couple of days, so won't get much writing done (will still be checking reviews, though). So it'll probably be 4 days till next chapter (provided that Remus choses to be more cooperative with me this time, that is :) )**


	7. Chapter 7

****A/N:** **Back again. Let's see how our puppies spend their Christmas eve, shall we?****

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

The Christmas feast was sumptuous and everybody in high spirits. Altogether there were only around twenty students, so all - including the teachers - were gathered at one table. The older students were allowed to drink butterbeer and - although it does have a rather low alcohol percentage - most of them got slightly tipsy. The teachers had wine or mead and were exceptionally frolic. Professor McGonagall even laughed at Sirius' jokes. Hagrid and Professor Slughorn were engaged in rhymes and songs that got more and more silly as they had more and more to drink.

Snape, who sat at the opposite side of the table, kept sending sour glances and sneers in the two Marauders' direction.

"What's eating you, Snivellus?" asked Sirius. "Somebody piss in your shampoo? No wait, that can't be it - you don't have any!"

"Sirius," whispered Remus, "please leave him alone - just for tonight. He's probably here because he doesn't have a loving home to return to."

"So what," pouted Sirius, "- neither do we!"

"Well, we've got each other. He has no one."

"Alright," Sirius sighed. "You're too soft, Moony. But if that's what you want, I'll do it for you..."

However, Remus had to remind Sirius of his promise several times during the evening to stop him from jinxing or insulting Snape any further.

In between dinner and dessert, Sirius suddenly felt a hand slide up his thigh. "Let's go snog in the corridor," whispered Remus in his ear.

Sirius looked at him in surprise.

"Don't worry, we'll be back in time for dessert."

They quickly checked that nobody was paying attention to them, and sneaked off. They had barely gotten out of the great hall before Remus pushed Sirius up against the wall and hungrily attacked his mouth.

"Hey, Moony - are we getting a little randy from the butterbeer?" teased Sirius between kisses.

They were so busy snogging and feeling each other up, that they forgot about the feast until they heard music coming from the Great Hall.

"Oh," said Remus and pulled his head away from Sirius' face. "I think we might have missed dessert."

"It doesn't matter. You taste much sweeter, anyway," purred Sirius.

Remus smiled shyly. "I think we'd better get back in there before they start suspecting something."

As they slipped back inside, only Dumbledore seemed to notice, and he gave them a wink.

"Do you think he has guessed?" whispered Remus.

"Probably. Dumbles notices everything. But I doubt he's going to tell anyone, so take it easy, Rem."

Several of the students and teachers had begun dancing to the music. Professor Sprout was swinging Flitwick around so that his feet barely touched the floor, and Dumbledore waltzed away with Professor Penkova. Two 5th year Hufflepuffs came over and dragged a Marauder each onto the dance floor. Remus' girl turned out to be rather aggressive and he had a hard time keeping her at arm's length. As she tried to kiss him, she suddenly jumped back with a squeal and clapped her hand to her mouth. Her front teeth had grown huge. Sirius' dance-partner came to her rescue, and Remus slinked back to Sirius.

"Thanks for helping me out. Although that was a little mean."

"What do you mean? I didn't do anything!" said Sirius innocently.

"That Densaugeo hex just cast itself, right?"

"It wasn't me! I didn't say anything. And look - no wand!"

"You are very adept at nonverbal spells. And what's that under your robes?" Remus said, and reached for Sirius' ropes."

_"Remus_!" Sirius exclaimed in mock shock. "Not_ here_!"

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe we should just retire to our quarters before you get us into trouble."

**o0o0o**

The boys were all over each other before they reached the Gryffindor Tower. None of them felt like parting lips in order to utter the password, so they leaned up against the Fat Lady, passionately clinging to each other.

"Well, I have NEVER...what ARE you doing to the nice Mr. Lupin - you HORRIBLE boy?...NO - DON'T UNDRESS HIM!"

"Oh, shut it, you old prude!" said Sirius.

The portrait swung open and the boys tumbled in through the hole.

"Wow," said Remus. "I think that's the first time she's ever opened without getting the password! Unless of course it was 'shut it, you old prude.'"

They hurried up to the dorm. Shoes and shirts came off and they lay down on Sirius' bed. They looked at each other's naked chests in fascination and began exploring with their hands. Sirius shuttered when Remus let his fingers circle and massage his nipple.

"Sorry," said Remus, "was that uncomfortable?"

"Merlins, no! Please don't stop!"

Remus gently pushed Sirius onto his back. He leaned over him and started kissing his neck, slowly making his way down to his chest. Sirius groaned and tangled his fingers in the soft caramel hair. Remus rested his body on Sirius as he continued to explore his chest with lips and tongue. Sirius moved his hands down to caress Remus' neck and back. He could feel his erection pushing against the other boy's stomach and had to gasp for air.

The closeness along with the kisses, licking and feel of Remus' breath on his moist skin was too much for Sirius. "Remus...I..._don't move_!" he panted and spasmed.

Remus looked at him in surprise.

"I'm sorry, Moony, I couldn't help it. How embarrassing. Like a schoolboy coming in his pants!"

"Well, you _are _a schoolboy, and you _did_ just come in your pants," smiled Remus. "But don't be embarrassed. I'm flattered to have this kind of effect on you, really. And besides," he blushed, "it kind of turned me on."

"Really?" grinned Sirius. He rolled Remus off him and cast a quick spell to clean himself up.

"Moony, try to lie down and let me treat you a bit." Sirius guided Remus onto his back and lay down on his side next to him. "Just relax and enjoy," he whispered in Remus' ear. He started caressing his neck and chest with feather light touches. Remus closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. Sirius lavished his neck with soft kisses and as he felt Remus' breathing pick up speed he let his hand go further south. He touched the flat stomach and traced the waistband with his finger, which made Remus moan softly. Then Sirius unzipped the pants and slipped his hand in.

Remus sat up with a jerk. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think? Don't worry Moony. Trust me and let me give it a go. If you don't like it, I promise I'll stop".

Remus hesitantly lay back down.

Sirius could feel Remus' body tensing up as he started rubbing him. He gently kissed his neck to soothe him and Remus became more relaxed. As Sirius continued his gentle strokes and kisses, Remus' breathing got faster and mixed with soft whimpers and moans. He slipped his hand under Sirius' head and dug into his hair at the nape of the neck.

"Do you want me to stop?" teased Sirius.

"No! Don't stop!"

Sirius stared at Remus' face in fascination. The closed eyes and expression of pleasure only made it even more beautiful, Sirius thought. He kept watching as he pushed him closer and closer to the edge. As he came, Remus hid his face in a pillow, muffling his moan.

Sirius removed the pillow and looked at a blushing Remus. "How was that?"

"It was ok."

"Just ok?"

"No. It was brilliant!" Remus blushed even more and looked away.

Sirius beamed. "Don't be so shy, Moony. You were wonderful. I LOVED watching you get off!"

Remus smiled, still blushing. "Wow. That was really something. I'm completely dizzy...and... warm inside." He leaned over to kiss Sirius. After a short while, he broke the kiss. "Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Let me do you. Or are you...can you...?"

Sirius laughed: "Don't worry! I can go again!"

Remus slid his hand into Sirius' trousers and went to work. Sirius didn't attempt to hold back this time and he didn't try to hide his pleasure like Remus had done. "Oh, Moony" he moaned, "oh, that's so good...dear Merlin!"

Remus stared mesmerized at him, clearly impressed with his uninhibited response.

Sirius' bucked his hips as he orgasmed in a loud cry.

Remus lay down and snuggled up to him.

"Bloody hell, Moony! That was amazing!"

The boys were exhausted and stripped to their briefs. They crept under the covers and wrapped themselves around each other, falling asleep almost instantly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Sirius woke up as the early morning light seeped through the windows. He freed himself of Remus' hold and sat up. A small pile of presents had magically appeared at the foot of the bed. Sirius excitedly went through it and turned to Remus to wake him up. He stopped for a moment as he looked at the sleeping boy next to him. He looked so peaceful and happy lying there, and Sirius' heart leapt. His hair was ruffled and his face as gorgeous and beautiful as ever. Sirius wondered how anybody could look so perfect in the morning. He didn't have the heart to wake him from his peaceful sleep, so he just sat admiring him for a while. His impatient nature, however, soon kicked in.

"Moony, wake up!" he said and shook him.

Remus whimpered and turned his back to him.

"Reeeeeemus - wake up! Watch - we've got presents!" he said, bouncing on the bed like an excited child.

Remus slowly turned back and opened his eyes. "Is it time for class?"

"No, you git! It's Christmas morning! Look - there are presents from..." he read the tags on each present, "... Prongs... Wormtail... Prongs' parents... and one from your mum!"

"What about your parents?"

"They've disowned me, you know. Besides, even if they _had _gotten me something, I'd have sent it right back without opening it."

"I'm sorry," said Remus and stroked Sirius' cheek.

"Don't be. Now, let's see what they got us, shall we?"

After they had opened the presents Sirius jumped out of bed and dove into his trunk. He came back up with a heavy square package. "Here's my present!" he beamed and put it in Remus' lap.

Remus smiled and opened it. "Wow!" he exclaimed as he looked at the cover of a beautifully bound book. It read: _Advanced Nonverbal Spells and Wandless Magic_. "Wow," Remus said again. "This is way too generous, Padfoot!"

"Don't be silly. I hoped you'd like it!"

"I DO. It's brilliant," Remus said, browsing the book.

"You can read it, and then teach me everything."

Remus laughed. "I don't think it's that easy, Padfoot! This is pretty advanced stuff!"

"No problem for two smart guys like us!"

"Look, I got you something too," said Remus and used his wand to summon a present from across the room.

Sirius caught it in mid air. He examined the package before opening it. "It's not a book..."

"No. I know you better than that! I want to give you something that will actually interest you."

Sirius tore off the gift wrapping, revealing a pair of ice skates. He looked up at Remus. "Wicked! - But... I don't know how to skate..."

"You'll learn easily enough - you're a natural at sports."

Sirius grinned smugly. "That I am!"

"I thought we could break them in today. The weather is beautiful," Remus said, looking out the window.

Sirius was struggling with the skates, trying to put them on. "They're too small," he frowned.

"No problem," said Remus and tapped each of them with his wand. "Now they'll fit."

**o0o0o**

"How does this work?" Sirius asked. The boys were sitting on the shore of the frozen Black Lake, adjusting their skates. Sirius was struggling with the laces on his, and cursed a bit under his breath.

"You're making it very hard for yourself with mittens on," said Remus and helped him out. "Your skates are going to twist on your feet if you don't tighten them some more."

"AAAAHH - Not so tight!" wailed Sirius." You're cutting off my blood supply!"

"Stop being such a drama queen, Padfoot. They're supposed to be like this."

Remus got onto the ice and stretched his hand out. Sirius edged closer and let Remus pull him up. He stood for about two seconds; then the skates slipped away under him and he landed on the ice with a thud. "AUUWW!" he uttered, rubbing his sore buttock.

"Back in the saddle," said Remus and pulled him up by the hands. "Everybody falls in the beginning."

"It won't happen again. I just got caught off guard. I'm in total control n-" said Sirius and crashed to the ground. He quickly got back up. "It's because I'm standing still. I need to get moving," he reasoned and lunged forward.

"Easy! You're just going to fall over again like that!" said Remus, and Sirius proved him right instantly.

"You didn't say it was such a dangerous sport, Moony," he pouted, sitting on the ice.

"Says the ex quidditch player!" laughed Remus. "Come on - let me help you. And take it easy this time." Remus supported him by the left shoulder and arm so he didn't fall over again. "Now - stiffen your leg a bit, and push off with the other one. Twist it a little to the side."

Sirius pushed off with far too much force. He lost his balance and propelled his right arm, Remus clinging on to his left one in a futile attempt to keep him upright. Sirius landed on the ice once again.

Remus tried to camouflage a giggle with a cough. "I feel a bit like Thumper trying to teach Bambi how to slide on ice."

"Who's Thumper? Who's Bambi?"

"Oh, you wouldn't know them, being a pureblood. It's an old muggle animated film. Thumper is a rabbit and Bambi is a fawn," explained Remus.

"I'm not a baby deer! - That would be Prongs, wouldn't it?"

"And I'm not a rabbit," laughed Remus. "There is also a skunk in the movie."

"That would be Peter!" grinned Sirius.

"Anyway, Bambi is a disaster on ice," Remus continued.

"How does it end?"

"It ends with Thumper nearly getting squashed and the two of them ending up in a huge pile of snow."

"Ok, funny boy. Show me how it's done, then."

"Ok," said Remus and showed Sirius how to push off, brake and turn.

"Nice," said Sirius. "Now show me some really impressive stuff. I know you can!"

"Oh, I'm not that good.." Remus began.

"Come on, Moony - don't be so modest."

"All right..." said Remus and set off at an impressive speed. He slid elegantly across the ice, turning and twirling, going backwards and doing small pirouettes.

Sirius gazed at him in awe. He looked absolutely gorgeous, moving gracefully around, his scarf fluttering behind him like a banner. "WOW," Sirius shouted and clapped his hands, "you look so pretty, Moony - like a little ice skating princess!" he teased.

Remus sped up and came straight at him. Just in time to prevent collision he twisted his hips and braked hard, sending a cascade of ice into Sirius' face.

"AAAHHHH!"

"That's what you get for calling me a princess!"

"Ok - _prince_, then. But you're still really pretty!" he smiled sweetly.

Remus smiled back and grabbed Sirius' hands. "Come on, handsome. Let's give it a go together." He got Sirius up and stepped in behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Now, try to relax and concentrate on finding your balance." Remus began moving slowly forwards, pushing Sirius in front of him. Sirius started to lose balance, but Remus moved closer in a tight embrace and stabilised him. Sirius relaxed into Remus' body and let himself be pushed across the ice.

"Look, Moony, it's working! I'm not falling!"

Remus laughed softly into his ear. "Now, try to move your feet. Push off like I showed you. Come - follow my lead." After a few clumsy attempts Sirius got the hang of it and they fell into a steady rhythm, synchronizing their movements.

Sirius had a huge grin on his face. "Yeah, Moony - this is FUN! I can skate!"

"I know you can," Remus whispered in his ear. "You can do absolutely anything you set your mind to."

Sirius enjoyed the experience to the full. He was flooded with wonderful sensations; the rush from sliding across the lake, the fresh air on his face, the wind playing with his hair, the sound of metal against ice. And most of all - the feel of Remus. His body against his, his chin resting on his shoulder, his head leaning against his own and the hot breath on his cheek. He wanted to skate with him forever.

After a while Remus brought them to a halt.

"Why are you stopping?" Sirius asked, not at all pleased with the interruption.

Remus turned him around. "Sorry. I just need to..." he said and pulled him into a deep kiss. Sirius forgave him instantly. Remus' lips were cold but his tongue and breath warm. Sirius thought he could die right now and not regret it.

"We should get moving again," said Remus when they finally broke the kiss. "We are getting cold."

"Can't you push me backwards?" asked Sirius. "I'd like to keep looking at you."

"You won't be able to see where you're going... you'll have to trust me, then."

"I trust you with anything! Don't you know that?"

"All right. Hold on to my shoulders, and I'll hold on to yours..." Sirius did so, and Remus started across the ice, pushing Sirius in front of him.

"Wuhu! - This is fun!" Sirius cheered. Remus grinned and gave him a quick kiss.

Sirius looked at his face and found that he couldn't look away again. "Moony..."

"Yes?"

"Moony, I... I... adore you." He wanted to say 'love' but he thought that might be a little soon, and he didn't want to risk scaring him away. "I'm crazy about you."

Remus beamed and looked at Sirius amorously. "I'm crazy about you too... In fact I -"

They crashed into a huge pile of snow at the shore of the lake. From somewhere inside the pile Sirius' voice sounded: "Okay, Mr. You'll-have-to-trust-me-then; can you please get me out of here?"

Remus got up and pulled the other boy out of the snow. "I'm sorry. But technically it was your fault."

"WHAT? You were in charge - I was at your mercy!"

"You were the one going on about how crazy you are about me. How can you expect me not to focus all my attention on you, then?" Remus said defensively.

"Well," said Sirius, brushing snow off his coat. "I guess we ended up in a pile of snow after all! Except this time it wasn't Bamboo's fault..."

**o0o0o**

It was the last night before the other students returned from their holiday, and the puppies were sitting wrapped up in each other on a couch by the fireplace in the common room. The remaining Gryffindors had already retired to their dormitories. Remus took a sip from his cup of hot chocolate and gazed into the fire.

"It'll be strange going back to normal. I've gotten used to just the two of us; all day to ourselves."

"It's been brilliant," said Sirius. "My best holiday ever."

"My best two weeks ever."

Sirius ruffled Remus' hair. "Me too, Sweetie."

"I'm going to miss being able to kiss and touch you whenever I please. And sleep in your bed."

"We could just tell them, you know. James and Peter."

Remus leaned back against Sirius. "No."

"Why not? Are you embarrassed?"

"You know I'm not. I'm just afraid what they're going to think. Maybe they won't like us anymore."

"That's utter rubbish, Moony. Our friendship is way too strong to have something like that come in the way. They might be shocked, they might not understand, but they'll never not accept it. They might even think it's great!"

"Maybe..."

"We can't keep it from them forever. They're going to find out sooner or later. James is already suspicious," said Sirius.

"I know," sighed Remus. "Could we wait just a bit longer, though?"

"All right. But not too long, ok? I can't wait to brag about how I scored you."

"What? You didn't score me! I seem to remember it was the other way around."

"Whatever floats your boat, Baby."

"You're an idiot," said Remus and took another sip from his cup.

"You've got a chocolate moustache."

Remus raised his hand to wipe it off, but Sirius stopped it. "Let me get that," he said and licked it off.

"There's something on my lower lip too," said Remus. "And in my mouth."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Sirius couldn't sleep. He was lying flat on his back in his four poster - had been for hours. The room was silent, save for the sound of his sleeping roommates' steady breathing. It had been great seeing them again - it really had. He had been so caught up in Remus that he had barely spared them a thought all Christmas, but when James and Peter had turned up in the common room with their trunks that afternoon, he had realized that he'd actually missed them. At the same time it had been wonderful being alone with Moony; to be able to be openly affectionate with him and spend all night in his bed. He wished he could have both at the same time. Wished that Remus would just give it up and tell the others so they wouldn't have to hide their love anymore.

Sirius briefly considered sneaking across the room and climbing into Remus' bed. But no. He _definitely_ wouldn't approve. He would be miffed over Sirius' lack of self control. He had promised not to risk their relationship being discovered by the others. He let out a deep sigh and tossed in his bed. How could Remus sleep so easily when Sirius was feeling desperately lonely and unable to get any rest without him? Obviously he didn't need Sirius as much as he needed Remus. Maybe he didn't love him as much as he did, either. Maybe he didn't love him at all. Maybe it was just a simple crush on his behalf. Sirius had no idea where all this insecurity was coming from. It had all started when he first fell in love with Remus, and now it wouldn't let go of him. Before all this - when had he last felt insecure about himself? He couldn't remember. Insecurity was a Remus thing - _not_ a Sirius thing.

"Padfoot?" A face peeped in through the curtains. Sirius started.

"Moony! You scared me!"

"Sorry," whispered Remus and crawled into Sirius' bed. "I can't sleep. Can I lie with you?"

"Such lack of self-discipline, Moony, _really_!" Sirius whispered, shaking his head in mock indignation. "Very unlike you."

"I can't help it. I've become addicted to sleeping with you. I can't do it alone."

"The others might find out..."

"At this point, I'm willing to risk that for a good night's sleep. Anyway, you're the first one to wake up usually, so you can kick me out before they get up. Can I? Is it okay with you?" asked Remus with a pleading look.

"Oh, come on, then," smiled Sirius and lifted the covers for Remus to slip in, "you know I can't deny you anything, Baby."

Remus cuddled up to him and buried his head in the crook of his neck. He let out a contended sigh. Sirius wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. He kissed his hair and stroked it affectionately. Remus nuzzled Sirius' neck and whispered: "I love you."

Sirius froze. The words were spoken so softly that he couldn't be sure that he had actually heard them. He pushed Remus away so he could see his face.

"What did you say?"

"What?"

"You said something!" he asked desperately. "What?"

"Shhhh... you're waking the others."

"Moony - what did you SAY?" Sirius repeated in a slightly softer but no less insisting tone.

"I didn't say anything..."

"Yes you did! - You just said... something. What was it?"

Remus blushed and looked away. "That I love you," he mumbled.

Sirius lifted Remus' chin so he could look at his face. "Come again?"

Remus looked sincerely into his eyes. "I love you," he said and held his breath, looking anxious.

Every cell in Sirius screamed and cheered. _Moony loves me, Moony loves me! _He beamed. "Oh, Moony - I love you too!"

Remus' face lit up in a huge and relieved smile. He looked so lovely that Sirius just had to kiss him that instant. "Love you..." he breathed into his mouth "...so much..." he continued, not bothering to break the kiss in order to speak, "...you have no idea..."

**o0o0o**

"You will be paired up and prepare for this task to be presented at the end of the lesson," said Professor Hawbuckle, the Muggle Studies teacher. "Longbottom - you go with Smith. Garrot with Husher, Potter with Pettigrew, Escovado and Turner. Black -" _Remus, Remus, Remus,_ chanted Sirius inside his head, crossing his fingers, " - you pair up with Evans," finished Hawbuckle. Sirius' heart sank. No hanky panky, then, and no slacking off either. _The woman hates me..._ he thought, feeling sorry for himself.

Lily and Sirius found a remote spot in the library and sat down at a table facing each other. Sirius began reading the instructions for the presentation. He could feel Lily looking at him intently. "Well, well, well," she finally said, her fingers drumming on the table. "Sirius Black in love... Now, who would have thought it..."

Sirius stared at her in shock. "What?"

Lily just smirked, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"What are you talking about? - I'm not in love!"

"Don't be such a dolt! You're not fooling me, Sirius," Lily grinned.

"What...how do you...how?"

She leaned forward towards him. "It's practically oozing out of you."

"So," he pouted, "what if I am?"

"I'm just saying. It's fascinating. Looks good on you, really. Much nicer than your old cocky attitude."

"Are you hitting on me, Evans? Because if you are, I'll have to disappoint you, that you're not the lucky object of my infatuation."

Lily laughed. "You conceited git! I'm just paying you a compliment."

"That's what I mean! You pay me a compliment, smile at me, _and_ call me Sirius. Never happened before."

"I also know who it is..." she smirked.

"You're bluffing! Forget it, Evans - I'm not telling you," Sirius said, crossing his arms.

"You don't need to."

"Who is it then?" he dared her.

"It's Remus."

Sirius' jaw dropped. "How do you know? Did he tell you?""

"No."

"Then how? Walk in on us or something?"

"Well, there ARE quite a few hints. Firstly, you both walk around with the same silly grins on your faces. Secondly, you can't stop gawping at each other. And you've been very... how shall I put it... _affectionate_ with each other lately. Need I say more?"

Sirius didn't quite know what to say.

"How long have you been together?"

"Two months. Since mid-November..."

There was a short silence.

"So... how is it?" she asked

Sirius looked earnestly at her. "I love him. I... I really love him, Lily."

"Wow," said Lily, raising her eyebrows. "Blimey, you've got it bad... What about Remus?"

"He says he loves me too."

"Well, then you know it's true. Remus wouldn't say such a thing if he didn't really mean it."

"Yeah?" smiled Sirius hopefully. He knew that Lily was close with Remus, and that she probably knew him almost as well as any of the Marauders.

"Yeah," she said squeezing his hand. "I think he does. I've never seen him this happy."

Sirius beamed. "Thank you Lily. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Don't thank me," she laughed, "_I'm_ not the one who's making him happy!"

He was quite surprised with himself opening up like this to Lily, of all people. But it actually felt good to talk to somebody else about it.

"He's such a good kisser..." Sirius said dreamily.

"I know. I trained him myself."

"WHAT?"

"I'm kidding, Black. But I _did _taste the merchandise..."

Sirius gaped at her.

"Don't get yourself a heart attack," she laughed. "It was nothing. I had a little crush on him in third year, so one day I cornered him and smooched him. He was too polite to refuse me," she said an leaned back in the chair. "Oh, come off it, Sirius - don't look at me like that. It's not like I'm going to try and steal him away from you! Nothing more happened. We're just good friends. And it's ages ago - we were kids!"

Sirius pouted a little.

Lily thought it wise to change the subject. "If you guys are this serious - why don't you just come out?"

"Believe me, I want to. But Remus is scared. I promised not to tell."

"Well, the way the two of you are going at it, it's just a matter of time until people find out. Even Peter and James - however daft they are."

**o0o0o**

As Lily predicted, it didn't take long for the two remaining Marauders to find out about Remus' and Sirius' relationship.

They had managed to get away with sleeping together (in the literal sense) for about a week; Sirius sneaking into Remus' bed when the others had fallen asleep and back to his own early in the morning. One morning, however, he overslept; no doubt because most of the night had been spent on kissing and heavy petting rather than sleeping.

They both woke abruptly as James shouted: "MOONY!" and shoved aside the curtains to Remus' bed. "Moony, have you seen Padf-" He stopped and stared at the two boys entangled under the covers. "Oh... Merlin's... beard! PLEASE tell me that you're not naked under there!"

"We're not naked under here," replied Sirius. "I'm wearing socks. Moony's got a bit of a sock fetish," he grinned.

"PADFOOT!" cried out a rapidly blushing Remus and lifted the covers to show James that they were, in fact, both wearing pyjama bottoms. _And_ no socks.

"Well," said James, "turns out I win!"

"Win? Win what?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, I have a little bet with Wormtail that you lads are... you know - fooling around."

Peter walked out of the bathroom just then and heard the mention of his name. "Did you say something, Prongs?" He stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Sirius and Remus. Then he emitted a high pitched squeal and ran for the door.

James caught him at the top of the stairs and dragged him back to Remus' bed."Look! Qualifies for a crate of firewhiskey for me, wouldn't you say, Wormy?"

Peter whimpered and looked like he wanted to die. James, however, continued to look at them in curious amusement.

"So - are you guys doing it?"

Remus buried his head under a pillow and Peter looked like he was going to faint.

"That's none of your bloody business, Prongs!" cried Sirius. "I don't pester YOU for details about yours and Evan's sex life!"

"Yes you do!" James cried back. "You do it all the time, you hypocrite!"

"Do you guys mind SODDING OFF?" it sounded from underneath Remus' pillow. "I'm feeling a little exposed here!"

"You'll have to excuse my little puppy - he's a bit shy," Sirius said apologetically and pet his lover's shoulder. "AUUUTCH!" he wailed as he was kneed hard in the thigh.

"Anyway," said James, changing his tone to a more serious one, "why haven't you told us about this? I thought we didn't keep any secrets from each other..."

"We were going to, eventually, of course," said Sirius, equally serious, "but Moony has been really afraid of your reaction. I've told him many times that you wouldn't think any less of him, but you know how he is."

"Honestly, Moony, that's a bit hurtful. We've _always_ loved you and thought the world of you. We didn't even blink when we found out about your lycantrophy."

There was no reaction from Remus.

"Come out from under there Mr. Ostrich," said James, removing the pillow from Remus' head, "I hate to brake it to you, but hiding your head doesn't make you invisible!"

"I'm sorry, Prongs, really," Remus said, sitting up and looking ashamed. "I'm such a coward..."

"Don't worry, mate!" said James, patting him on the back. "I'm perfectly fine with it. And so is Wormtail, once he's recovered from the shock," he continued, casting a glance at Peter, who was still standing like petrified, staring at Sirius' bare chest.

"As long as you promise not to shag each other in front of us." James grinned.

At this point Peter actually _did_ faint.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, now it's out in the open!**

**I hadn't planned to have Remus say the L-word just yet, but seems he couldn't wait. Oh, Well.**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews (especially those of you who keeps doing it). I highly value your opinion.**


	10. Chapter 10

****A/N: I thought it was about time for some lemon. Se here you go - enjoy!****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

To Sirius' surprise and immense delight, Remus had quickly become rather relaxed about showing affection in public - at least inside the safe boundaries of the Gryffindor Tower. He had seemingly been so relieved about how easily their relationship had been accepted by the others, that his courage had been boosted. The news had spread quickly and the reactions from the other Gryffindors had been mixed, but generally positive. After all, the Marauders were very popular, and most people automatically approved of anything they did. Most of the boys were secretly thrilled because this meant that two of the cutest boys in the school had efficiently been taken off the market; and so, the girls would have to direct their attention elsewhere. For the same reason, many of the girls were, at first, sulking about the fact that Remus and, especially, Sirius were now off limits.

At first James and Peter found it quite funny and entertaining to witness their two friends' constant and rather explicit preoccupation with each other. After a while, though, it did start getting on their nerves. One could frequently hear James uttering irritated exclamations, such as:

- "Could you keep it DOWN in there? Some of us are trying to sleep!"

- "Stop mind-fucking Moony at the dinner table, Padfoot. We're eating."

- "How many times do I have to remind you to hang a fucking tie on the doorknob when you're "busy"?"

- "Moony, do you think you could take your tongue out of Padfoot's throat long enough to help me finish this paper?"

- "Could you guys PLEASE finish up in the bathroom? Wormtail and I would also like showers before class!"

**o0o0o**

James sighed heavily and put down his Arithmancy textbook on the coffee table in the common room. "Do you guys remember that little promise you made the day we found out about you?"

There was no answer from the two boys on the chair at the other side of the table. Sirius was straddling Remus' lap, not allowing for any space between their bodies. They were snogging heavily, too preoccupied to actually register what James was saying.

"Lads? LADS! Helloooo - earth calling Moony and Sirius," he gestured and snapped his fingers.

"Mmmm?"

"Well, do you remember?" James tried again. Seeing that he was, once more, getting no reaction, he picked up a cushion and flung it at the amorous couple.

"HEY!" yelled Sirius, letting go momentarily of Remus' mouth to send James an angry look.

"I asked you a question! Do you remember the little promise you made that day we found out about the two of you?"

"What promise?" asked Remus, half way out of breath. His hands had made their way up under the hem of Sirius' shirt and were now fondling his back.

"The one about not shagging each other in front of us!" growled James.

"We're not!" shrugged Sirius and started sucking passionately at his boyfriend's neck.

"You're basically giving him a lap dance, Padfoot. That's close enough t-... LILY!" James gasped, horrified ,as he suddenly noticed his girlfriend gazing rather excitedly at Remus and Sirius. "_Please_ don't tell me that you're turned on by... by... _that_!"

"I'm not," she said quickly, "but you've got to admit - they _are_ sort of hot right now..."

"NO! - I think they're repulsive... and... and so do you!" Colour was rapidly leaving his face.

"Whatever you say, Hon," smiled Lily.

"And YOU - " uttered James, turning his attention back to the couple in question and pointing his finger at them, " - GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"Yes, Daddy," said Sirius as he jumped off Remus' lap and rushed for the dorm, dragging Remus along by the tie. "Don't disturb us for at _least_ a couple of hours!" he shouted back as they disappeared up the stairs.

"Don't flatter yourself!" replied James grumpily.

**o0o0o**

Back in the dorm Remus pushed Sirius down on his bed and threw himself on top, kissing him passionately.

"You were... driving me... crazy... down there... you know that?" he moaned into Sirius' mouth.

"Mmmm... I could definitely... feel it," replied Sirius.

"Poor James, though," Remus said, pulling back a little to look at his lover's face, but not stopping the slow rubbing of his body against his.

"You're such a softie."

"It made him jealous..."

"Me too..." pouted Sirius, "... the way Evans looked at you."

Remus stopped moving and looked disbelievingly at him. "She was looking at _us _- what we were doing..."

"She was staring hungrily at you..."

"That's bullocks, and you know it. She was just turned on by the... mood. Prongs will be thanking us later..."

"I didn't like it..."

"Oh, come off it, Padfoot - you loved it! You think I don't know that you get off from having people watch us?"

Sirius sniggered and ground his hips against Remus'.

"You're such a pervert." Remus purred into his ear.

"Mmmm - say that again! I love it when you talk dirty." Talk during sex was normally Sirius' speciality. Ever the talker, even in bed he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"You're such a pervert." Remus repeated and pulled Sirius' T-shirt over his head. Sirius set to work on Remus' tie knot. When it wouldn't budge, Remus sat up on his knees and untied it himself.

"Oh, yes... undress yourself for me," pleaded Sirius.

Remus began to slowly unbutton his shirt, tilting his head and licking his lips.

"Oh, dear Merlin - you turn me on, Moony!" gasped Sirius as he stared at Remus while touching himself through his jeans. Remus took his sweet time with his shirt, teasing Sirius in the process. As soon as the last button was undone, Sirius grabbed him be the waist. "Come here!" he growled and pulled him down in a hungry kiss. He wrapped his legs around Remus and urged him to move closer. Remus trailed soft, wet kisses down his neck, and along the sensitive skin of the collar bone. Sirius moaned and pressed his abdomen against Remus' stomach. He thought that Remus would have no problem driving him to climax just by trailing the tip of his tongue over his upper body like this. He drew circles with it around his nipples before lowering his lips to suck and nip gently at them in turn.

"Ah... Remus... I... too much clothes..." Sirius panted and flipped Remus onto his side. They fumbled feverishly with each other's zippers and kicked off their trousers. Briefs followed, and they stopped for a short moment to admire each other's naked bodies. Then Sirius rolled Remus onto his back and pressed him into the mattress. Remus adjusted himself so that their hips matched and they started moving together.

"OH... Moony... oh... YES... feels so good..." They were both very aroused by now and breathing heavily. "Moony - I want to hear you..." pleaded Sirius. "You don't have to be so quiet." He noticed Remus casting a sidelong glance at the door. "They won't hear a thing," he assured him. "You heard them... they're not coming _near_ the dorm anytime soon... it's okay... it's just me..." he whispered into Remus' ear and kissed his jaw and neck softly.

Remus seemed reluctant to let go of his inhibitions, but was gradually warming up to Sirius' gentle coaxing. He closed his eyes and let himself go a little bit, allowing his moans to flow more freely.

"Yes... baby... be loud for me..." Sirius begged. He rocked his hips harder and faster and groaned loudly at the feel of the friction. Remus entangled his fingers in Sirius shaggy, shoulder long hair and arched his hips. Sirius reached down and gripped both their lengths, holding them together. Remus gasped and bucked against him. Sirius could already feel his vision blurring, and he struggled to hold back. He wanted to wait for Remus, wanted desperately to come along with him. "Remus," he whispered, lowering his head down to his ear and panting into it. "Come for me, Baby." Remus thrust five more times and convulsed, clenching his eyes shut and screaming out Sirius' name. His hands clutched his hair painfully, but Sirius didn't care. Not now where it blackened before his eyes, stars appeared and he came harder than he had ever done in his life. He rode it out and dumped onto the mattress next to Remus, panting heavily.

After a short while catching their breaths, they turned to face each other. "You were right. It felt amazing. Not holding back," Remus said, all giddy.

"Thank you, Moony. You were fantastic! I don't have words for it..."

Remus caressed his face tenderly, running his fingers over every curve and feature, his eyes filled with a look of wonder. "You are so beautiful," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. "You don't need a wand - you could enchant anybody just by having them take a good look at you."

Sirius grinned foolishly.

"What?" said Remus. "Mr. Black, are you blushing? Sure you must have heard these sort of compliments many times before..."

"Well yes, but not put quite that way... and not from somebody who makes me feel like you do."

"Well, don't let it go to your head," Remus teased, pinching his cheek.

They started kissing slowly and deeply, lavishing each other with gentle touches all over and drowning in each other's eyes. "I love you," Sirius kept whispering, and Remus smiled and whispered it back.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"What we need is somebody who can get access to the their quarters..." James frowned.

The Marauders were sitting by the fire in the common room on a Wednesday evening. James and Peter were on the couch facing an armchair in which Remus was sitting sideways on Sirius' lap, an arm slung around his neck and his head resting on his shoulder. It was two days since his last transformation and he was still tired and peaky. Sirius was supporting him caringly with an arm around his waist.

"We've been over this a hundred times, Prongs. There aren't anyone," sighed Sirius.

They were discussing the matter of not being able to finish the Marauder's Map because they didn't know what the insides of the Slytherin dungeon looked like in detail. So far they had tried numerous things, such as sneaking in, using James' invisibility cloak, and intercepting the password. The problem was that the magical entrance wall would only respond to Slytherins or their invited guests - even if the correct password was given. Sneaking in would raise the alarm - they had learned the hard way - even if wearing an invisibility cloak.

"If Wormtail could stop being such a wimp, he could probably get in there in his animagus form," said Sirius. He knew very well that this was not going to happen. They had been over that before, too.

"It's a stupid idea, Padfoot," replied Peter nervously. "I could get killed!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Then why don't you try to score a Slytherin bird and get in _that_ way?"

"NO!" gasped Peter, turning white. "I'm not doing it! Slytherin girls are _cruel_. They... they make fun of me."

"Come on, Wormtail" said James. "It wouldn't kill you. Take one for the team! That's how Padfoot and I mapped out Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. Easy peasy!"

"Why can't one of _you_ do it, then? You're much better at that stuff than I am, anyway," whined Peter.

"If you haven't noticed, we are both sort of unavailable," snapped Sirius.

"Polyjuice potion?" suggested James.

Sirius stared at him. "Jamie, my boy - I think you might just be on to something! Why haven't we thought of that before?"

"I don't think it'd work," said Remus sleepily.

"Why not?"

"Because the invisibility cloak doesn't work. The magic used on the entrance wall is probably similar to what we used on the Map, and that's not fooled by cloaks, animagi _or_ polyjuice potion, remember?"

"Yeah," sighed James, "you're probably right... we can forget about Wormtail getting in as a rat too, then."

Peter looked relieved.

"Then there's just the girlfriend thing left," said Sirius, looking intently at peter.

"Actually it_ could_ be really simple," said James slowly, looking at Sirius, "- since we _do_ have family there..."

"I will refrain from shoving my DADA homework up your arse, Potter, for the sole reason that I KNOW you are only joking," Sirius said stiffly.

"What?" asked Peter, looking perplexed. "Family? What family?"

"Honestly, Pete, sometimes I wonder why you weren't sorted into Ravenclaw," said James.

"Ravenclaw?" asked Peter, more confused than ever. "But Ravenclaws are really smart!"

"Right, Wormtail. I was being ironic..."

"It's Regulus, Peter," explained Remus.

"Oh, of course! - Well that's easy then! Padfoot, don't be silly - couldn't you just-"

Sirius shot a murderous look at Peter. "Would YOU like my DA-"

"PADFOOT - be nice," intervened James and placed a protective hand on Peter's shoulder. Peter looked very grateful that Remus was resting on Sirius' lap, thus making him less likely to get up. "Honestly, though," continued James, "couldn't you just consider it? I know you two don't have the best of relationships, but we're kind of desperate..."

"Not the best of relationships?" spat Sirius. "James, we HATE each other! We haven't spoken a word since I ran away last summer!"

"All right, all right! We'll leave it at this, then."

"Thank you!"

"Speaking of Regulus... I saw him today, hanging out with that gang. You know - guys like Avery, Mulciber, Bracken..."

Remus winced at the mention of Bracken's name. Sirius gave him a reassuring squeeze. "The idiot doesn't know what's good for him! He's always been a fool."

"Yeah. They're some nasty guys, all right. Obsessed with the whole pure-blood thing. Rumours say that they're upcoming Death Eaters..." said James darkly. "My dad says that Avery's and Mulciber's fathers have been You-Know-Who's followers right from the start."

Sirius had tensed up, his lips thin and white and his right hand curled into a fist. "What Regulus does, is his own business," he growled. "I couldn't care less. And could we STOP talking about him, already?"

"Okay, okay!" said James, waving his hand and leaning back.

"He's a damned good seeker, though..." commented Peter, displaying a very poor sense of tact.

"Sure, but our Burkett is getting really good too," said James quickly, successfully preventing an outburst of anger from Sirius, "you should have seen him yesterday at practise. We'll kick Ravenclaw's arse next weekend!"

"That's going to be a bloody exiting game!" cheered Peter. "I _know_ we're going to win! We've got the greatest captain, after all!"

"Suck-up," teased Sirius, visibly relaxing at the change of topic.

"I'm only stating the fact!" insisted Peter.

An eager discussion about quidditch tactics followed.

Remus was nodding off. When Sirius noticed, he said: "Well, I think it's time to get you to bed," and kissed his temple affectionately.

Remus mumbled something incomprehensible.

"Sure, Love," said Sirius as he hooked an arm under Remus' knee pits and got up. He headed for the stairs, carrying him.

"... stupid... Padfoot... cn walk... mself," Remus murmured, but he didn't show any signs of actually intending to free himself from Sirius' hold and get down.

**o0o0o**

"Where is Moony?" asked Sirius restlessly. "His Ancient Runes lesson was over more than an hour ago!"

"I dunno. Probably studying in the library or something. He has a lot of work, you know, with all those classes he insists on taking."

"I'll go look for him."

"Give him some private time, Padfoot. You're smothering him. I'd get sick of it if I were him."

"Well, you're not, thank Merlin!" pouted Sirius.

"He'll come back to you in no time. Why don't you come help me with some chaser practise. You can play keeper."

"Hmmm... I should probably wait for Moony..."

"Come on, Padfoot. It's been ages since the two of us spend some time together. I sort of miss you," said James.

Sirius thought about it for a minute. "Okay. I guess that would be nice..."

"Great!" grinned James. "I'll go get our brooms!"

"I want to swing by the library on the way, though. To tell Moony where we're going."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh, all right. If you must."

**o0o0o**

They searched the library, but Remus was nowhere to be found.

"He's not here!" said Sirius, stating the obvious. "Where can he be?"

"I don't know. It's a big castle..."

"Let's go back to check the Map!"

"Padfoot, leave it! Let's just go play! You don't need to keep track of him all the time."

"I'm just worried about him, is all."

"That's ridiculous. He can take care of himself. And it's not as if the castle is a very dangerous place."

"Oh, all right - I'm coming..."

**o0o0o**

It was getting quite late, and Sirius was restless and worried. Remus had not come back yet, and they couldn't find him on the Map. Finally, around 10 o'clock the door to the dormitory flew open and a smug-looking Remus strolled in. He nonchalantly tossed a piece of parchment on the table where the others were sitting trying to focus on a game of exploding snap while waiting for him.

"Moony!" cried Sirius and flung himself at Remus, knocking over his chair in the process.

"What's that?" asked James and picked up the parchment Remus had presented.

"That?" said Remus and freed himself from Sirius' clinging embrace "- Oh, that's just a sketch of the Slytherin dungeon..." he proclaimed like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Everybody's mouths flew open, and they gaped at Remus. "But how? How did you...?" asked Sirius.

"You know Serena Duffton? She's a Slytherin in my Runes class. I asked her If we could work together on this paper for tomorrow. She was quite grateful - she's in the bottom of the class..." Remus explained. "Well, we went to work in the library, but then I convinced her that we needed a particular book that I knew she hadn't brought to the lesson. I told her I had lost my copy, and asked if we could go get hers."

"Why didn't she just get one in the library?" James asked.

"They had 'conveniently' all been borrowed..."

"You sly devil!" grinned James.

"So... she took you back to their quarters?" asked Sirius disbelievingly.

"Yup!" grinned Remus.

"Wow!" said Peter. "How did the other Slytherins react?"

"Well, they stared quite a bit, I can tell you that! I's not often that someone from another house comes in there - and a Gryffindor is almost unheard of. Thank Merlin there weren't any of our worst enemies in the common room... Anyway, I managed to get a good look everywhere. Except the boys' dormitories..."

"Does that mean you saw the GIRLS' dorms?" asked Sirius horrified.

"That's right! And I assume that the boys' are identical, so we can map them out as well..."

"But," said a bewildered Peter, "the stairs - they become a slide when a boy tries to enter the girls' dorms..."

"There are no stairs in the Slytherin dungeon, Wormtail," Remus informed him.

"So..." continued Sirius, "you were ALONE with that girl in her dorm?"

"Relax, Padfoot," laughed Remus, "it was strictly business."

"You USED her! How unlike you..."

"I helped her with that paper, didn't I? She'll probably be getting her best Runes mark ever..."

"Moony, you sly devil!" James exclaimed again, looking extremely impressed. "You are a true Marauder!"

Sirius hugged and kissed him. "I'm so proud of you!"

They pulled out the Map and set to work with great enthusiasm. When they were done, Sirius leaned in and purred into Remus' ear. "Wanna go _marauder around_ a bit?"

Remus turned his head and looked at him. "Where?"

"Doesn't matter - as long as it's somewhere secluded!" He grabbed the Map in one hand and Remus' hand in the other, and they hurried out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The Grand Staircase was almost deserted, because most students were outside in the nice spring weather, and Remus let Sirius hold his hand and nuzzle him a bit as they made their way up to their quarters. Although he had no problem displaying affection publically inside of the Gryffindor Tower where he felt safe and respected, Remus did not like to draw too much attention to themselves around students from the other houses - _especially _the Slytherins. Of course it was no secret that they were an item, since word spreads quickly at Hogwarts, like at any other school, so most people knew about their relationship. Still, Remus didn't like flashing it in front of everybody, and Sirius respected that. So they would limit themselves to discrete caresses and holding hands when going about the castle in the daytime. (What happened underneath the table in the Great Hall and in dark alcoves or empty class rooms away from prying eyes was another story entirely).

Neither of them were paying much attention to their surroundings as they reached the top of one of the staircases, and they nearly bumped into three students coming out from a corridor. A lanky black-haired boy glowered at them. He was flanked by two other Slytherins Sirius didn't know the names of, but the one in the middle he knew all too well. He let his eyes run up and down the two of them with a cold look, lingering on their joined hands. Remus quickly let go of Sirius' hand.

"So -" the boy said, his piercing grey eyes fastened on Sirius' face, "it's true, then?"

"Obviously," replied Sirius.

Regulus cast a disapproving glance at Remus and continued. "And this is your..." His sentence died out.

"My boyfriend, you mean?" said Sirius and suddenly pulled Remus close and snogged him ferociously while squeezing his bum. Normally Remus would have pulled back immediately, not allowing Sirius to do something like this right in front of Slytherins. But he engaged in it, apparently understanding that this was important to Sirius. Sirius looked at Regulus out of the corner of his eye and saw him standing with a shocked and disgusted expression on his face. He let go of Remus' lips with a smacking sound and looked defiantly at his brother.

Regulus sneered at him. "Just wait till Mum and Dad hear this! They're going to go off their rocker!"

"Suits me!" proclaimed Sirius.

"I don't know what will appal them the most - that he's a bloke, or that he's half-blood scum."

Remus braced himself, waiting for the explosion that was inevitable when somebody offended Remus. Sirius, however, just threw his head back and laughed.

Regulus walked away without another word and Sirius turned to Remus.

"Thank you for going along with this. That was brilliant! Did you see his face?"

**o0o0o**

However brilliant Sirius had thought the episode on the stairs was, he was moody and quiet the rest of the day.

After dinner Remus took him out to the Lake and sat him down in a secluded spot a good distance from the castle. They sat there silently for a while, looking at the water. Then Remus sighed. "What is it with you and Regulus?"

"I hate him, is all. I can't believe we're brothers! We have absolutely _nothing_ in common. We're nothing like each other. Except maybe our looks..."

"You never had a good relationship? What about when you were kids?"

"No. He's always been a brat. A real mama's boy. He'd go tell on me every time I did the least thing to him."

"And of course it was completely undeserved," Remus said with a hint of amused irony in his voice. "You were never mean to him or played crude pranks on him, I'm sure."

"Are you taking his side?" Sirius snapped.

"No. It's just - seeing how you treat the Slytherins, I could imaging you being a bit of a bully towards your little brother..."

"How can you take his side? He's a creep! Didn't you hear him today? What he called you?"

Remus shrugged. "I've been called worse." Seeing the hurt look on Sirius' face, he hurriedly added: "Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not taking his side. You are the one I love, aren't you? I know your family have been horrible to you. And I've never seen Regulus show any kind of sympathetic trait."

"He would constantly take Mum and Dad's side and mock me along with them," Sirius said. "Always nagging and pointing out my flaws." Sirius almost _never _talked about his childhood or his relationship with his family, and now that he had started spilling his guts, it all came blurting out. How his parents had never shown him any love, how they tried to brainwash him and Regulus with their obsession with pure-blood supremacy and family loyalty, and how they would severely punish and humiliate him when he didn't listen or agree with their preaching.

While Sirius talked, Remus just held him in his arms and listened patiently.

"I hate them, Remus, I _hate_ them!" he said with watery eyes. He tried to hold back a sob and buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck.

"It's all right, Sirius, I understand." Remus said, stroking his hair. "You still love your brother."

Sirius pulled back and stared at him. "I... I don't..." he whispered, and burst into violent sobs. Remus pulled him in and he cried loud and uncontrolled onto his chest. He hadn't cried since he was a very small child, and now the last many years' suppressed unhappiness and despair came rushing up in him like a volcano. He lifted his head and screamed out over the lake. He screamed and screamed and screamed until his voice had gone hoarse. Then he threw himself in Remus' lap and wept silently against his stomach.

Remus embraced him with one arm and stroked his head with the other. "It's okay to cry," he said softly. "I'm here." Sirius clung on to him desperately, digging his fingers painfully into his back, but Remus didn't remove them. "All that love you've missed out on - I'll try to make up for that. I'll give it to you. I love you"

"I... I don't deserve it. I abandoned him. When I left," Sirius sobbed. "Mum and Dad - I don't think they really love _him_ either. They're proud of him and all that, but I'm not sure it's actually love. And he only gets that as long as he behaves like they want him to."

"You can't blame yourself for that, Sirius. You're only a bit more than a year older than him. He has a mind of his own and a responsibility for himself. He could have broken free, like you did. He could have come to you if he wanted out."

"Even if he did, he doesn't have the guts. He's always been soft. I should have... I should have forced him to see the truth. I tried... but... I should have tried harder."

"You can't force people to see the truth. You and your parents have been pulling and tugging at him from either side all his childhood. They won. He has made his choice. You have to accept that."

"And now he's flirting with those Death Eaters. He doesn't belong there. He doesn't know what he's getting himself into. He's an idiot; he's stuck up and obnoxious, but he's not evil, Remus..."

"I know. Very few people are."

"I want to hate him, Moony, I really do. I really, really want to hate him. It'd be so much easier."

"You don't have to hate him, Padfoot." Remus said and wiped away his tears. "But you'll have to let him go."


	13. Chapter 13

****A/N: It's been longer than usual - I've been abroad with no internet (!). But I did get some writing done, so here it is.****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

"Good morning, lover-boys. Ready for the apparition test?" asked James and loaded his plate with scrambled eggs and sausages.

"Most certainly, Mr. Potter," said Sirius cheerfully as he and Remus sat down at the breakfast table, across from James and Peter.

"You lucky prats," sulked Peter. He had to wait until after the holidays to take the test, because he didn't turn 17 until August. This also meant that while the others would be allowed to use magic during the summer, he wouldn't.

"I'm sorry, Wormtail," said Remus sympathetically.

"What is that smell?" asked James suddenly and sniffed the air, trying to locate the source. "Like toffee or something."

"Uhmm, yeah," said Peter and sniffed eagerly, his nose wiggling very much like it would in his animagus form. "Smells great! - Unusual for breakfast, though."

"It's me," sighed Remus and rolled his eyes, "Padfoot charmed my hair to smell like caramel."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Peter and James simultaneously.

"It goes so well with the colour," said Sirius dreamily and looked very pleased with himself. "Isn't it adorable?" He buried his nose in Remus' hair and inhaled."

"I feel like an idiot," said Remus, rubbing his face with his palms.

"You're mental, Padfoot!" said James while shaking his head in disbelief. "Why do you put up with it, Moony? Why don't you just change it back?"

"I can't," said Remus wryly. "I don't know the counter-spell."

Sirius wasn't the only person who thought that Remus' new hair was adorable. A couple of 5th year girls soon came over.

"Awwww - that is SO CUTE!" one of them squealed. She grasped a lock of Remus' hair and bent down to smell it.

"HANDS OFF!" yelled Sirius and slapped her hard over the wrist. The girl looked at him horrified, rubbing her hand.

"Please kill me," Remus mouthed to James.

Professor Flitwick walked by the table that very moment and stopped to see what all the fuss was about. He was very interested in Sirius' project. "Very fascinating work, young man. Did you create that charm yourself?"

"Yup!" beamed Sirius.

"May I try to counter-charm it?" asked Flitwick politely.

"Go ahead, Sir!"

The Charms professor tried all the counter-charms he could think of, but nothing worked.

"This. Is. Surreal," said James.

"I fell like a lab rat," Remus whined.

"Very impressive, Mr. Black, very impressive charm work indeed. 10 points for Gryffindor!" declared Flitwick proudly.

"Too bad you're wasting your talent on such stupid things," said James when Professor Flitwick had gone.

"Sour grapes, eh Prongs?"

"About the test -" said Remus, trying to change the subject to something other than his oh-so-adorable-caramel-smelling hair, "- do you think anybody will flunk?"

"Maybe that Ravenclaw who splinched himself really bad last week. Urgh - what a mess!" replied James.

"That is so scary," said Peter. "I don't know if I even dare try it. Does it hurt much?"

"We don't know. None of us have tried splinching ourselves." said James.

"Judging by the sounds he made, it hurts quite a... - SIRIUS! _Tell_ me that you're not chewing on my hair!"

"Mnot chewin n ur air."

"You are too much Padfoot," said James. "You know that, don't you?"

They were quiet for a bit while concentrating on their breakfast.

Then James broke the silence: "Actually..." he said slowly. "We might just be able to use that charm of yours for something useful."

"What do you mean?"

"If you can do caramel, you can do other smells too, I reckon. Imaging what we could do to a certain Slytherin!"

"Bloody hell, Prongs!" Sirius gasped. "We could make Snivellus' hair smell like manure!"

"And nobody would be able to do anything about it!" added James with a smug grin on his face.

"You're a genius, Prongs!" cheered Peter.

"Lily would not approve," commented Remus dryly.

"Ah, don't be such a killjoy, Moony," said Sirius. "She doesn't even need to know! And she has forgiven Prongsie for worse."

James cast a quick glance further down the table where Lily was sitting, to check if she had heard anything. Fortunately, she was engaged in a conversation with her dorm mate, Alice. James hesitated a bit, but the Marauder in him stirred and this was simply too great a prank to abandon. So he began discussing the plan with Sirius and Peter.

Sirius, however, was constantly distracted from the planning because he was busy fighting off the girls that kept coming over to swoon over Remus. By the 15th girl he'd had enough. "All right - that's it!" he growled through gritted teeth. He jumped up and began dragging Remus out of the Great Hall.

"SIRIUS! I'm not done eating!"

When the couple came back to the Hall for the test an hour later, Remus' hair smelled like normal.

**o0o0o**

All three passed the apparition test without problems. Sirius had, in fact, been the first of all the students to master it, having done it perfectly already in the first lesson. James had followed soon after, whereas Remus was having a bit more trouble with it. The others teased him because he usually had the upper hand on all the subjects that took studying, and this one he couldn't ace by reading a book.

After showing that they could apparate to an exact spot at the other end of the Great Hall, they had to show that they could also do it over longer distances. The task was to appear outside Honey Duke's where an examinor was stationed to check on them. James was first, and as he was gaining his balance after almost toppling over, Sirius landed basically on top of him, squashing him to the ground.

"PADFOOT! You idiot!"

"How was _I_ to know you'd be standing right here?"

"All right, all right. Now get OFF of me!"

But before Sirius could get up, a third person dropped down on top of them.

"MOONY!" gasped James from the bottom of the pile. "Are you guys trying to kill me?"

**o0o0o**

After the exam James pulled Remus and Sirius aside. "Could you lads stay away from the dorm for a little while? I'd like to take Lily and, ahem_, celebrate_ passing the test."

"Sure thing, Prongsie," grinned Sirius and wiggled his eyebrows. "Go ahead and show her a good time!"

"Thanks, mate," said James and hurried off with his red-haired beauty.

Sirius turned to Remus. "How about we find an empty classroom to do our own celebrating?"

"I'll have to think about that for a while, Mr. Black. Okay - thought about it. Great idea."

Since all the sixth-year classes had been cancelled that day, finding an empty class room was a piece of cake. Sirius pulled Remus inside and colloportused the door. Remus was already working his shirt buttons.

"Are we a little eager, Mr. Lupin?" teased Sirius and attacked his mouth with a heated kiss.

Teeth clattered, tongues wrestled and lips swelled while Remus moved Sirius backwards until his thighs hit a low table and he came to a sit. Remus moved in on him and Sirius wrapped his legs around his. Remus undid the rest of Sirius' shirt buttons and moved his mouth to trail kisses across his chin and jaw. He reached his ear and continued down his neck. Sirius groaned at the intensity and tilted his head back wantonly to make his neck more accessible, begging for more. He twisted his fingers in Remus' hair. Remus delved lower, kissing and licking along his collar bone and down his chest.

"Sirius breathed harder and moaned: "Moony... that tongue of yours... it's... oh, _Merlin_..."

Remus undid Sirius' trousers and went lower, dropping to his knees.

"Moony?" asked Sirius, "- what are you do - ...OH!"

What Remus was doing was almost unbelievable. Sirius gasped, as he felt his parted lips envelop his member, slowly sliding down the shaft. His mouth was warm and wet and his tongue soft and strong. Sirius had thought that what Remus could do with that mouth and tongue to his neck and chest was the most incredible thing possible. Obviously, he'd been wrong. Now he was flicking his tongue delicately over the tip of his cock and occasionally down the shaft. Alternately he would close his mouth and suck.

Sirius had had one blow job before, but it had been clumsy, rough and quick, given by a girl he wasn't really attracted to. It was _nothing_ like this.

"Remus, you're... oh, gee!" Sirius moaned as he supported himself with his arms on the table and leaned back a bit so he could push his abdomen against Remus' mouth. Remus steadied him with one hand around the small of his back and closed the other hand's fingers around him at the hilt to increase the pleasure. Sirius urged him to go faster and he complied. With the increasing speed, there was no going back. Sirius exploded thrusting himself hard into Remus' mouth.

Remus coughed and spat.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius as he returned to reality.

Remus looked up at him. "For what? It was kind of supposed to happen!" he grinned and wiped his mouth in his sleeve.

Sirius let himself slip to the floor and sat next to Remus.

"Where on earth did you learn that?" he asked in awe.

Remus shrugged. "That's not important."

"Yes it is! It was bloody amazing! Where did that come from?"

"All right - I read it in a book," said Remus, looking slightly embarrassed.

"A book? Really?"

"Yes, a book. There are books out there, Padfoot, about all sorts of things. You can find instructions for anything you need. You should read more."

"Maybe I will!" grinned Sirius.

**o0o0o**

Both Remus and Sirius dreaded the summer holidays. None of them could imagine going without each other for two days, let alone two months. James had offered to ask his parents if Remus could stay with them, but Remus had declined.

"No, I don't want to impose like that."

"But Moony," Sirius pleaded, "they are really nice! They took _me_ in without hesitation - I'm sure they would be fine with it."

"No, Padfoot. It would be taking advantage of people's hospitality. Besides," he said to James, "I really should go to my mum's. I would like to try and maintain at least some kind of relationship with her. She _is _my mother, after all. My only family, in fact."

"I understand, Remus." said James.

Sirius also understood it, but the selfish part of him wasn't keen on admitting it.

Remus did, however, accept James' invitation to come for a two week stay along with Peter. It would make the first couple of weeks more sufferable to have this to look forward to.

**o0o0o**

The train ride home was as far from cheerful as it could possibly get. Remus and Sirius barely spoke a word to anyone and just sat clinging to each other by the window. They didn't let go until the last possible minute, when Remus had to change into Muggle clothing. His mother and her new husband, Mr. Middleton, would be picking him up outside the train station. Mr. Middleton didn't even know that the wizarding world existed, and Remus' mother wanted to make sure it stayed that way.

At the platform of nine and three-quarters they had to part ways. After a five minute long desperate embrace, James started tugging at Sirius.

"Padfoot, we gotta go. We can't stand here all day. You are just going to make it worse, dragging it out like this."

"I'm not ready to let go yet," said Sirius, fighting to hold back the tears that were already welling up in his eyes.

"Me either," Remus snuffled.

"You never _will_ be," sighed James. "Come on - get it over with. Don't force me to be the bad guy here. You'll see each other in two weeks."

Both boys ignored him.

"Come, Padfoot," James said and tried to pull Sirius away from a clinging Remus. "Moony, let go of him."

"I can't," whimpered Remus and tightened his hold.

"Come on, lads. Stop acting like children. You're making a scene!" said James and attempted to pry Sirius' fingers open. "Moony -" he said, "be the sensible one here. Stop this."

Remus kissed Sirius deeply and reluctantly let go of his hold of him. He whispered: "I love you," and picked up his trunk. Sirius felt his heart drop to his stomach watching him disappear through the wall.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The next two weeks, James was split between being immensely annoyed with Sirius and feeling sorry for him. He was clearly miserable, and James had to control himself to be patient with his restlessness, whining and constant talking about Remus.

"Prongs, what do you think Moony is doing right now?"

"I don't know, Pads. Probably studying - that's always a good bet with him."

"Do you think he misses me?"

"That's a stupid question."

"Do you think he's thinking about me?"

Silence.

"Do you think he loves me?"

"Sirius - shut up!"

"Do you think he can fall asleep at night?"

"Padfoot, _try_ to enjoy your holidays a little bit. You'll see Remus soon. It won't kill you to be without him for a couple of weeks."

"That's easy for you to say, Prongs," Sirius moped. "You see Evans all the time. You don't know what it's like!"

James was so lucky that Lily lived close by, and they saw each other every other day. He could easily imagine how horrible it would be to be separated from her for weeks, and he could definitely sympathise with Sirius.

"I know, I know," he sighed. "But torturing yourself with it won't make time go faster! Try to think about how wonderful it'll be seeing him again after all that time."

**o0o0o**

"Prongs, do you have any more owls?"

"No. We have three, and you are already using all of them."

"But I just thought about something else I have to write to Moony."

"You'll have to save it for later."

"But it's really, really important!" whined Sirius.

"Why didn't you write it in one of the five letters you've already sent today?"

"I didn't think of it then!"

"What is it?"

"I 'm not telling _you_."

"Why? Because it's something silly, like _'your eyes shine brighter than the sun', _or something?"

"I don't write stuff like that..."

"Pretty close to."

The conversation was abruptly cut short by scratching sounds coming from the window. Sirius jumped up and let in one of the Potters' owls. He eagerly untied a letter from the leg of the bird, who was glaring viciously at him. Completely oblivious to the owl's angry body language, Sirius tore open the letter and began reading it.

"He loves me!" he sighed with hearts in his eyes.

"REALLY? I had no idea," said James with thick sarcasm in his voice.

"He misses me a lot," Sirius continued with a big smile on his face. Then he frowned.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," pouted Sirius.

"Let's see it," said James and snatched the letter out of his hand. Seeing that Sirius didn't object to it, he read aloud: _P.S. I think we have to coordinate our mail correspondence. Mr. Middleton is getting suspicious with all the owls coming to the house, and my mother is angry. By the way, I think your owls are getting tired of being overused. I've already been bitten three times. Could we say that you send a letter at 9 a.m. and one at 9 p.m. every day? Then I'll be waiting somewhere away from the house._

James looked up from the letter in his hands. "Sounds fair enough, Padfoot. You know how important it is that his mum's husband doesn't find out about our world. Don't get him into trouble."

**o0o0o**

After what felt like a year to Sirius, the day when Remus and Peter were to come, finally arrived. He got up at 5 o'clock even though Remus wouldn't arrive until 12. At 10 he went outside to wait for him on the doorstep. He wanted to make sure that he was the first one to greet him.

At precisely 12 o'clock there was a pop and there stood Remus. Sirius was a little slow to react, and Remus came running and flung his arms around him. He squeezed him so hard it hurt, and Sirius squeezed back. He pressed his nose against Remus' neck and inhaled his scent in deep breaths. "I missed you so much," he whispered, and Remus laughed the way he always did when he was really delighted about something. Sirius pulled back to look at his face. Remus' eyes were full of tears.

"You're... crying?" Sirius said, confused.

"I'm just so happy to see you!" Remus said, laughing through tears.

"Me too! I thought I was gonna die without you... Come," said Sirius and dragged Remus by the hand to the side of the house. As soon as they couldn't be seen from the street, Sirius took hold of Remus' jumper and pinned him against the wall. He kissed him so feverishly that only one who has been yearning very intensely can do. Remus threw his arms around his waist and pulled him as close as possible, returning the kiss with equal enthusiasm. Sirius let his tongue run over every single feature of Remus' mouth. He closed his eyes and savoured the feel and taste of him. He felt a desperate urge to melt into the other boy, fuse with, become part of him. He pressed himself hard against him and plunged his tongue as far into his mouth as he could.

Sirius briefly pulled his head back just enough to be able to speak: "I... I want to be closer to you!" he panted.

Remus smiled. "I don't think that's physically possible. But I know exactly what you mean..."

**o0o0o**

Remus and Sirius spent the afternoon in the Potters' big garden. They didn't return to the house until dinnertime.

They still wouldn't let go of each other, having been separated so long, and they held hands through the entire meal, much to the amusement of the others. At one point Remus asked Sirius to switch hands for a while, because he was getting tired of eating with his left one.

"It's good to see you with a healthy appetite again, Sirius," smiled Mrs. Potter, who had been a little worried about him during the last couple of weeks.

The Potters had given Remus a warm welcome.

"Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, it's nice of you to have me over." said Remus.

"No problem," said James' father. "We have the cellar ready for your transformation, so don't worry about that. And of course you must come over for your next one also."

"And Henry will take good care of you in the morning after," said Mrs. Potter. Mr. Potter was a healer, working at St. Mungo's.

"I can't thank you enough. I'm _very_ grateful for that. It will make things much easier for me. My mother was also very relieved about not having to deal with it this summer," said Remus.

"How do you normally get healed after your summer transformations?" asked James' father concerned.

"Well, before my dad died he took care of it. It's been rather rough after that, though. My mother stops the bleeding the best she can, with muggle methods, and then drives me to a hospital."

"That is very risky! You could easily die from your injuries before you get there!" said Mrs. Potter shocked. Sirius felt sick by the mere thought.

"Yeah well, I'm still here, aren't I?" smiled Remus.

"Wait - did you say _hospital_? As in a _muggle_ hospital?" asked Mr. Potter alarmed.

"Yes. It's not as good as St. Mungo's, of course, but we live too far from London, and going by car is the only option we have."

"But they know nothing about your condition!" exclaimed Mr. Potter.

"No," replied Remus, " but they patch me up and give me blood transfusions, so I survive. When I'm stabilised, I go to St. Mungo's to get the stitches out and the wounds healed properly."

Sirius gasped in horror and hugged Remus comfortingly.

"You can't blame my mother for hating to deal with it. She has been accused of child abuse on several occasions," continued Remus.

"Why haven't you learned to heal yourself?" asked Peter.

"Healing is a difficult discipline," said Remus, "and you have to be born with the talent to learn it probably. And unfortunately I don't have it."

"Besides," added Mr. Potter, "it is difficult to heal one's own wounds - especially when injured badly."

Remus suddenly became aware of the pitying looks on everybody's faces. "Don't worry! I'm quite used to it. I'm sorry if I made it sound too horrible. It's no biggie, really," he smiled.

The others didn't look convinced, but they let the matter rest for now.

After dessert Sirius and Remus stood up. "I think we'll turn in early, if that's okay with you," said Sirius.

"Well, of course, Dear," said Mrs. Potter. "Have a good night's sleep."

"*cough* _silencing charm_ *cough*" said James, checking that his parents didn't catch it. Sirius smirked and Remus' ears turned red.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The next week passed quickly as they were all having a blast. July had been great so far, warm and sunny, and they spent most of their time outside, mainly in the Potters' huge garden. They had loads of fun playing games, chilling out and swimming in the lake behind the house.

Some days it was just the four of them and other days Lily would join them. She was gradually becoming a more integrated part of the group and had gotten to know each of them rather well. Remus she had always been close with, and James she had, of course, lately gotten _very_ close with. She was even growing to like Sirius. Partly because he was now too focused on Remus to spend much time pranking and hexing people, but also because his falling in love had brought new positive sides of his personality to light. It was no secret that she had always viewed him as a self-absorbed, conceited git, who cared little about what anybody else thought as long as he was having his fun. Now she knew that that was only a small part of who he was. While his hyper-activity, dramatic tendencies, cockiness and recklessness still narked her, she had an increasing respect for his big heart, his loyalty to his friends and especially his fierce commitment to and infinite love for Remus.

**o0o0o**

One night Remus was shaken awake by Sirius.

"What is it Padfoot?" he murmured, half asleep. "You want sex?"

"No."

"What - _no_? Are you ill?"

"Not now. Come on, get up! Put on your pyjamas."

"What for? It's the middle of the night!" protested Remus.

Sirius had two big rolled-up blankets in his arms. "We're going outside. The sky is completely clear and the Alpha Capricornids peak tonight."

"Alpha-what?"

"Alpha Capricornids. It's a meteor shower. Should be a good chance to see some shooting stars."

"Well, aren't _you _romantic!" smiled Remus.

"Anything for you, Babe," said Sirius and leaned in for a quick smooch.

They tiptoed down the stairs on their bare feet and sneaked out into the garden. Sirius rolled out one of the blankets to lie on and they crawled beneath the other one.

"Wow," said Remus, "the stars really _are_ bright tonight."

"And here comes the part where I point out all the constellations to you - if it isn't too much of a cliché."

"It's a nice cliché. I like it. You always were enthusiastic about astronomy."

"It's about the only of my family traditions I approve of," Sirius grimaced.

They lay there quietly for a while, on their backs, watching the night sky.

"Did you know there is a moon named Remus?" asked Sirius.

"Really?"

"It is one of 87 Sylvia's two moons. The other one is -"

"Let me guess - Romulus?"

"You're so smart. It's diameter is only 4 miles."

"That's tiny! No point in looking for it, then."

"No," laughed Sirius. "The only moon you can see with the naked eye is _our_ moon. Because it's so close. Moons are way too small to be seen over long distances. All the stars we see are like gigantic suns."

"I like Sirius the best," stated Remus, looking up at the brightest star in the sky.

"Of course you do," grinned Sirius. "Look! There's a shooting star!"

"Where? I didn't see it!"

"Don't worry - there'll be more."

"Did you make a wish?" asked Remus.

"No. I already have all that I wish for," Sirius smiled sweetly.

"You are so cheesy tonight. And I mean that in the nicest way possible," Remus sighed, " It's working. I'm so easy."

After a long silence, Sirius said: "Moony?"

"Mmmm?"

"Are we gay?"

Remus turned his head slowly and contemplated him with a puzzled look. "We are both blokes, we love each other and enjoy sleeping together. I think that qualifies as being gay, Padfoot. What more do you want? Limp wrists and tutus?"

"I just never considered myself homo-sexual... I'm obviously not hetero, though!" he added. "But I was attracted to girls before you..."

Remus shrugged. "So, you're bi."

"I'm not attracted to them any longer!" Sirius said hurriedly. "And I never fancied them the way I fancy you."

"Gay, then." Remus concluded.

"Yeah, but I mean - to be homo-sexual means to fancy blokes..."

"And you're saying that you don't?" Remus looked even more bewildered.

"I've never fancied _blokes_," he said, emphasising the 's'.

"Am I to take that as an insult or a compliment?"

"I only ever fancied _one _bloke."

"So?" asked Remus, still having no idea where Sirius was going with this.

"So maybe the term homo-sexual isn't quite suitable. _Or_ hetero. _Or_ bi."

"You're just confused..."

"It's like... my sexuality is only directed at you. So maybe I'm Remu-sexual!"

Remus gaped at him. Then he exploded with laughter. "Ah, Pads - you're some piece of work!"

"Don't laugh! I'm serious! - and don't make jokes on that!"

"All right," said Remus, stopping his laughter. "Then I'm _Siriusly_ sexual!"

"You sure are!" grinned Sirius. "I wouldn't have you any other way."

**o0o0o**

The Marauders were very uneasy the day of the full moon. Because they were illegal unregistered animagi and James' parents didn't know about it, they could not stay with Remus during the night. Remus dreaded it because he had gotten so used to the luxury of the others keeping him company and protecting him from himself, and he knew that locked up alone was going to result in severe injury. Still, this was much better than staying at home, since he would at least get the best of care right away, and he didn't have to fear for his life.

James, Peter and especially Sirius felt horrible about not being able to help Remus this time. It would be as bad as it was before they had become animagi, and that was nearly two years ago. As night drew near, Sirius became more and more desperate.

"James, we have to tell them so we can stay with Remus."

"NO, Sirius. They would _not _take it lightly. Being an unregistered animagus is a serious crime!"

"Then I'll tell them it's just me. You and Peter don't have to get into trouble."

"Padfoot, please don't," begged Peter. "Moony will manage. He's used to it."

"Oh well, that's just peachy, then!" Sirius spat at him.

"Remus will never agree to it, anyhow," said James.

"He doesn't have to know..."

"What don't I have to know?" asked Remus who was just coming out from the bathroom.

"Padfoot wants to tell my parents that he's an animagus, so he can help you tonight."

Remus glared at Sirius. "You'll do no such thing!" he ordered.

"But Moony..." whined Sirius.

"You heard me! Don't you dare!"

And that was the end of that discussion.

**o0o0o**

Screams of agony were cutting through floors, doors and walls of the house. Mr. Potter was pacing back and forth. James and Peter were pale and quiet. Mrs. Potter was holding a crying Sirius in her arms, tears running down her own cheeks as well.

Although the three Marauders had heard the sounds of Remus' transformations many times before, they had never been this close. In accordance with Remus' wish, they had always waited at the end of the tunnel outside the Whomping Willow until the transformation was over. Only then would they go in as Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. While Remus gratefully accepted their company and help during the night, he didn't want them to witness the 'most pathetic parts', as he put it. That also meant that they had to leave when he transformed back to his human form, and they were not allowed to see him until after Madam Pomfrey had treated him and taken him back to the hospital wing. Sirius had never understood why Remus would not allow them to be there to comfort him during the most painful parts. James told him it had something to do with pride and not wanting their pity. Sirius thought that was a stupid reason, but because it was how Remus wanted it, he had always accepted it like the other two.

"I'll go and cast a silencing charm," said Mr. Potter. "Should have done it from the start."

"No!" cried Sirius. "That won't make it go away! I want to know how he is!"

A few minutes later the human screams had died away and been replaced by howls, snarling and growling. It would have been an improvement if it wasn't for the fact that they knew Remus was going to suffer later from what the wolf was doing right now.

"Okay, Sirius. You've heard him change. Now I'm casting the silencing charm and then you boys are taking a sleeping draught so you can get some rest. You can't do anything for him until tomorrow, anyway."

**o0o0o**

Sirius was sitting in the hall, staring at the staircase leading down to the cellar, when James and Peter came down. They were both groggy from the sleeping draught Mr Potter had given them last night. Sirius had refused to take his and hadn't had any sleep at all. He greeted them without taking his eyes away from the stairs.

"Is Dad down there? What time is it?" asked James.

"It's 7 o'clock," answered Sirius, "and yes, he's down there. Has been for a long time. It must be really bad..."

James wanted to say something comforting, but he knew it wouldn't make any difference, so he just sat down next to Sirius and waited quietly.

Mrs. Potter came out from the kitchen and tried to talk the boys into having breakfast while they waited. None of them felt like eating, though, so she settled for waiting with them in the hall.

Finally Mr. Potter emerged from the cellar. He looked tired and his face was ash grey.

Sirius jumped up. "Remus? Is it... is it bad?"

Mr. Potter mustered a reassuring smile to calm Sirius. "He'll be okay. It's just... you never get used to this sort of thing. Even as a healer. It's a dreadful condition," he said and shook his head.

Sirius steered for the stairs, but Mr. Potter stopped him. "I believe you have an agreement with Remus not to go see him until he's better?"

"Yeah, but... you've treated him, right?"

"I'll bring him upstairs later today when he has regained some of his strength. You'll have to wait till then, Sirius." Seeing Sirius' moping face he added: "I'm not doing this to bother you. This is Remus' wish, remember?"

"I know," mumbled Sirius, wishing more than ever that Remus wouldn't be so stubborn.

**o0o0o**

Peter, James and Sirius returned to the house around tea time. Mr. Potter had made them go to town to keep themselves (and especially Sirius) occupied until Remus was better. Mrs. Potter met them outside.

"Henry is bringing him up to your room now, Sirius. You can go see him then," she smiled.

Sirius raced into the house just in time to see Mr. Potter coming up the staircase carrying an unconscious Remus. Sirius ran to his side. "Moony?" he said softly and stroked his cheek.

"Could you help me with the door, Sirius?" asked Mr. Potter.

Sirius rushed up the stairs and opened the door to his room. Mr. Potter laid Remus on the bed and Sirius helped tuck him in.

"He's going to be fine," he told Sirius, who was sitting at the opposite side of the bed, holding Remus' hand and watching him with a worried expression. "He's just exhausted. He'll wake up any time now."

"He'll get new scars..." Sirius stated sadly and ran his fingers lightly over a large bandage on Remus' arm.

"I don't think so."

Sirius looked up. "No?"

"A werewolf's scarring has a lot to do with how well and how quickly the wounds are healed. If done skilfully right away, there will be almost no scarring." said Mr. Potter. "I noticed how the vast majority of Remus' scars are old - probably from before his time at Hogwarts. Looks like Madam Pomfrey has been taking very good care of him."

Sirius smiled internally, thinking that it probably also had something to do with Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

Remus whimpered and stirred in the bed.

"Moony? Are you okay?"

He slowly opened his eyes.

"How are you feeling, Son?" asked Mr. Potter.

"A little beat," croaked Remus. "But much better. Thank you for helping me."

"You're most welcome!" smiled the healer. "Well, I'll leave you boys alone, then. Call me if you need anything," he said an got up.

When he had left the room, Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus' forehead. "I was so worried about you. I swear I'll never let you go through another one alone."

Remus gave him a weak smile. "Let's not discuss that now..." He lifted the covers. "Come here. You look tired."

Sirius gratefully slipped in under the covers and cuddled up to Remus, being careful not to hurt him. Both boys quickly fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

****A/N: Wow, you guys are amazing! So many reviews, and so quickly. Well, I worked hard and have this new chapter for you. A horrible one to write. Had a bit of a writer's block. I hope it turned out all right in the end, though.****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

Sirius' and Remus' second separation that summer was no more fun than the first one. There were still 5 long weeks left of the holiday. Sirius again begged Remus to stay longer at the Potters' and Remus again declined. He felt that coming over for his next transformation was more than enough inconvenience for them.

"We'll find out something soon, though, Pads. There's no way I'm going another two weeks without seeing you. We can meet somewhere once in a while. And Pete said that he'll ask his mum if we can all come visit him at some point. We'll make it through."

"And after this, we'll never ever separate again," Sirius promised.

**o0o0o**

To Sirius' surprise and joy he did not have to wait long for a chance to see Remus again. Just 5 days later, he received an owl with good news.

_**Dear Padfoot**_

_I talked my mother into letting you come over for a week-long stay! I honestly don't know how I managed. I assume that I don't really need to ask you if you want to come... _

_Since you don't know where I live, I will come pick you up tomorrow at 10. _

_A few precautions, though:_

_1. Mr. Middleton may under NO circumstances find out that we are wizards. You're going to have to be a Muggle for a whole week. I lied a little bit to my mum and told her you were well accustomed to the Muggle world. So you will have to do your best. I'll trust your acting abilities. That also means NO MAGIC whatsoever! Don't even bring your wand. _

_2. They do not know about our relationship, and we cannot let them find out. Mr. Middleton is a vicar and a very conservative one, at that. In the Muggle world most conservative Christians think that homo-sexuality is a sin. So we really have to be careful. You will also have to be polite and well behaved (that means no swearing or coarse language, Padfoot!)_

_If I don't hear anything else, I will pick you up tomorrow at 10. I can't wait to see you!_

_**Love you forever, Moony**_

Needless to say, Sirius was ecstatic. To pass the time, he went to see Lily and asked her to give him some advice about the Muggle world.

"Evans - teach me to be a Muggle," he demanded. "I'm going to visit Moony, and his mum's husband can't know I'm a wizard."

Lily grinned and rested her elbow on the table, her chin on her palm. "Just like that? In less than a day?"

"It can't be that difficult, can it?"

She laughed. "Oh, this is going to be hilarious! You as a Muggle. Epic."

"It's not funny, Evans!" Sirius scolded. "Moony will get into big trouble if I screw up!"

"Right," said Lily, turning serious. "He must be _really_ desperate to see you to take that risk... Okay, I'll give you a crash course. Just the basics, like how a Muggle house functions. You know, electricity and such." She stood up. "Come on, I'll give you the grand tour of our house."

**o0o0o**

True to his word, Remus picked up Sirius at 10 o'clock the next day. Sirius was fidgeting with impatience, while Remus went over the basics on how to behave when they got there.

"Did you leave your wand behind?"

"Yes, yes. Let's GO, Moony! I can't wait getting there. I've never lived with Muggles before! It'll be so fun."

"Just remember what I told you," said Remus and stuck his elbow out for Sirius to grasp. Then he turned on the spot and they both disappeared with a pop.

Remus' mother greeted them at the door. She was a nervous, frail-looking woman. Sirius recognized Remus' delicate facial traits and beautiful eyes.

"Good morning, Mrs. Lupin," said Sirius, shaking her hand and flashing her one of his most charming smiles.

"Good morning, Mr. Black," she smiled. "And it's Mrs. Middleton now."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Anyway, thank you very much for your hospitality. And please call me Sirius."

"Very well, Sirius."

"I can certainly see where Remus gets his good looks from!" he flattered her.

They went inside to meet Mr. Middleton.

"Good day, Mr. Middleton. Sirius Black at your service," said Sirius and bowed to him, like greeting a hippogriff. "I am most grateful to be invited into your beautiful home."

Remus smiled to himself. Sirius had obviously not forgotten his old Black manners.

The vicar smiled and shook Sirius' hand. " You are welcome. What a polite young man!"

Remus' mother showed Sirius his room and left him to unpack.

"I'm sorry you can't stay in my room," said Remus. "And you can't sneak into my bed at night, either. It's too risky."

"Oh," said Sirius, looking disappointed. "Well, I guess it's better than not being with you at all..."

"We can go for a walk, though. There's an old abandoned barn nearby. We could make up for lost time there," Remus said and flashed him a suggestive smile.

"A roll in the hay - literally _and_ figuratively. That'll be fun!" grinned Sirius.

**o0o0o**

"You came up all the way from London?" asked Mr. Middleton. They were having a nicely prepared dinner on the patio.

"Yes, Sir."

"Was it a rough trip? How did you get here?"

"I took the tube!" answered Sirius, proud of his knowledge of Muggle transportation.

Mr. Middleton raised a puzzled eyebrow.

"He means he went by tube to the station, and then by train," Remus cut in.

"Oh, yeah. That's what I did," Sirius nodded eagerly.

"It is so nice of you to come visit Remus. It can get a little boring for youths this far out in the country," Remus' mother smiled at Sirius.

"I'm happy to be here! London can be boring too, believe me. As a child I barely saw anything else."

"So, where did you two meet?" Mr. Middleton asked curiously.

"We are dorm mates at Hog- the boarding school. We became best friends right away," replied Sirius.

"It sounds like a nice school. I've never heard of it before, though. What was it you said its name was, Remus?"

"Wigglewood," Remus said, making sure that Sirius heard it. "It's not a very famous school."

"Do you have good sporting teams there?"

"Yes!" said Sirius eagerly. "We have the best -" He stopped himself before actually saying 'Quidditch'.

Remus' mother cut in: "You have good football and cricket teams, Remus tells me."

"And do you play on any team, Sirius?"

"Yeah! I mean, I used to be a bea-..." he swung an imaginary bat.

"Tennis!" Remus blurted out. "He used to play tennis."

"Let the boy speak for himself, Remus."

"Tennis," Sirius nodded. "I've scored loads of goals..."

Mr. Middleton looked bewildered.

Remus' mother quickly stood up. "Maybe it's time for dessert. I've made a nice treacle sponge pudding. Boys, could you help me with the dishes?"

**o0o0o**

Two days later, Mr. Middleton was showing Sirius and Remus around in the tool shed. They had agreed to help him tidy it up.

"Leave it to us, Sir," said Sirius, "we will take care of it, no problem."

"That's very nice of you boys. Well, I'll go back to the house, then, and work on my sermon for Sunday."

"Is he gone?" asked Remus.

Sirius craned his neck and looked out the window. "Yeah, he just went into the house."

"Thank God!" said Remus. "Not a moment to ourselves all day." He cupped Sirius' face in his hands and started kissing him slowly.

Sirius thought for a second that maybe they should be more careful, but then Remus' tongue was caressing his and all thoughts left his mind. He leaned into the kiss and snaked his arms around Remus' waist, pulling him closer.

"Boys, I forgot to -"

Sirius looked past Remus' head and saw Mr. Middleton standing in the doorway, a shocked and horrified look on his face. Sirius quickly pushed Remus away.

The vicar's face changed from shock to one of disgust. "What do you think you're doing?" he growled. "Does your mother know you're... you're doing..." he grimaced, "_this?_"

"No," said Remus quietly and looked down at his feet.

"YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF THIS!" Mr. Middleton shouted and marched across the yard and into the house.

"Shitshitshitshit," Remus cursed.

"I'm so sorry Moony. I screwed up!"

Remus looked at him. "What? It's not _your_ fault! I'm the one who screwed up. I started it."

"What now?" asked Sirius.

Remus sighed heavily. "I guess we better go in and face the music..."

**o0o0o**

As they approached the front door, they could already hear agitated voices.

Remus' mother stared at him when they walked in. "Is it true, Remus? - TELL me it isn't true!"

"It's true," Remus said.

She started crying and dropped into a chair. "How can you... how _could _you... after all that you've put me through!"

"HEY!" said Sirius, "what do you mean, what he's put you through?"

"Be quiet, Sirius," said Remus and put his hand on him.

"Is this a way to repay your mother?" thundered Mr. Middleton. "By bringing your... _tart_ into our house and... commit sodomy under our very noses!"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT!" Remus shouted, tears of anger in his eyes.

"We were only kissing!" Sirius added.

"It's an ABOMINATION, and I will not STAND for it! Not under my roof!" the vicar roared. He eyed Remus maliciously. "You vile, filthy, pathetic excuse for a son!" He marched to the door and grabbed his coat. He turned around in the doorway. "You will both burn in hell! - And you better be gone when I come back!" With this, he left, slamming the door shut.

All stood frozen for a moment. Then Remus ran to his mother, dropped to his knees and grabbed her hand. "Mum, _please_ try to understand," he begged. "I'm not doing this to spite you."

"Then _why_ are you doing it, Remus?" she asked, still crying.

"Because I love him, Mum. He means everything to me. He's the love of my life."

She looked at him. For a short moment Sirius thought she was going to respond to Remus' pleas, but then she hissed: "First that damned wolf-thing. Then your father. And now this! - You are NOT my son anymore!"

She stood up and slapped him, with the back of her hand, as hard as she could across the face. Remus stumbled back, lifted his hand to his cheek and stared horrified up at her. Sirius bolted forwards, outraged.

"SIRIUS - NO!" shouted Remus. "STAY AWAY! Go back to the Potters'!"

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, bewildered as to what to do. "But Remus..."

"DO AS I SAY! Go back and wait there for me. I have to sort this out on my own!"

Sirius had never heard Remus this determined. He chose to obey and disapparated.

**o0o0o**

Sirius stumbled in through the front door. "JAMES!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Mrs. Potter appeared in the kitchen doorway. James and Lily came running out from James' room and stopped at the top of the stairs. "What HAPPENED, Padfoot?"

"They found out! About us! All hell broke loose!" Sirius blurted.

"Where is Remus?" asked Lily as she and James ascended the stairs.

"He sent me away..." He started sobbing and let James embrace him. "You should have heard him. What he called Remus. He's an evil man..."

"Did his mother put up with that?" asked Mrs. Potter, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She hit him," Sirius sniffled.

"Good for her!" said James.

"No," said Sirius , "she hit _Remus_! And she basically told him he'd destroyed her life..."

James held him at arms' length. "And you LEFT him there?"

Sirius looked horrified.

Mrs. Potter broke in. "James - if Remus told him to leave, of course he should do it! He'll want to sort this out with his mother on his own."

"I'll go back," said Sirius.

"No, Sirius," said Mrs. Potter and Lily in unison.

"Okay. I'll give him half an hour. If I haven't heard from him by then, I'll go."

**o0o0o**

Sirius was sitting on his bed with James and Lily, explaining to them in detail what had happened, when they heard the door bell.

James gave him a soft push. "You should go down."

He paused at the top of the staircase. He could see Remus standing in the doorway with his trunk, talking to Mrs. Potter. Something made Sirius hesitate and stay where he was.

"I don't know where else to go... can I stay - just for a little while?" he heard Remus ask.

"Of course you can, Honey," said Mrs. Potter and pulled him into a big hug. "You're staying here the rest of the summer. No discussion."

Remus burst out sobbing against her shoulder. " My mum doesn't want me. I'm officially orphaned now. "

Mrs. Potter rocked him slowly, stroking his hair. "I'm so sorry, Remus. You don't deserve this. I cannot in my wildest imagination understand how any mother could abandon her child like that. I know it sounds harsh - but you don't need her when she can't accept who you are. You're a good person. Don't take heed of anything she said."

"I know," Remus sobbed. "But it still hurts."

Sirius heart bled, watching Remus crying this heartbreakingly like a small child in Mrs. Potters' arms. He also felt a slight sting of jealousy that it wasn't _his_ arms he was crying in. But in a way he understood that right now Remus, more than anything, craved reassurance from some kind of mother figure.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"I'm bored," announced James. They were all sprawled on their beds, not really doing anything. Sirius was on his back, resting his head in Remus' lap, Remus playing with his black locks - not looking bored at all.

They were back at Hogwarts and well into 7th year. Remus and Sirius were particularly happy to be back. Not because they had not had a great time at the Potters or weren't grateful for them opening their doors to them, but because both had considered Hogwarts their true home ever since they started in 1st year.

"Wizard's chess?" suggested Peter.

"Nah," said James. "I beat you every time. It's getting old."

"Exploding snap?"

"I don't want to play a game..." whined James.

"Kitchen raid?" Sirius suggested.

Peter's face lit up and he looked hopefully at James, awaiting his approval.

"Hmmm... I guess we could do that... who should go, then?" he asked. There was only space for two under the invisibility cloak.

"Moony and I can go," offered Sirius.

"No! - You'd disappear into an empty classroom or some alcove and we'd starve to death before you came back."

Sirius grinned. "Okay - that _might _happen."

"How about the two of us, then" suggested James.

"Why, _you_ want to disappear into an empty classroom with me?" smirked Sirius. "You could have just told me you're gay, Prongsie!"

"Stupid mutt!" growled James. "Moony - pinch him for me, will ya?"

"No, I don't have the heart to," sighed Remus and sent his lover an enamoured look. "He's so lovely."

Sirius grinned triumphantly and James rolled his eyes.

"No, seriously - want to come with me, Pads?" he asked.

"I don't want to leave Moony here. Peter might try to molest him."

Peter looked alarmed by the thought. "I'm not a poof! I have a date with Amy McKenzie this weekend."

"But Moony's so gorgeous - he could turn anybody. I wouldn't blame you. Or - correction - I _would_! I'd probably kill you. But I'd under_stand_..."

"Well, I guess it's you and me, then, Wormtail," James said. He pulled out the cloak from his trunk and headed for the door with Peter. Then he turned around. "And please don't be doing any kind of _stuff_ when we come back! I don't want to lose my appetite."

"What do you mean, _stuff_?" asked Sirius, faking ignorance.

"You know what I mean, Padfoot!" frowned James. "Promise me!

"I promise," said Sirius, not at all looking like he intended to keep it.

"Moony - promise!" ordered James.

"Why do _I _always have to make promises?"

"Because _you_ keep them!"

"All right, I promise," sighed Remus.

James nodded and they left.

Remus looked down at Sirius, smiling. "I love you so much. Do you know that?"

"I've heard rumours," said Sirius and flashed his most charming smile in return. He moved his hand up to Remus' face and tugged a strand of hair behind his ear. "I love you too, Moony. More and more every day - if that's even possible."

Remus let his fingertips gently caress Sirius' face while looking deep into his eyes.

"Does snogging count as _stuff_?" asked Sirius.

"I don't know. I guess it's a matter of interpretation."

Sirius took hold of Remus' tie and pulled him slowly down until his lips met his. After a few minutes, Remus was getting sore from straining his neck, and he leaned back on the bed, pulling Sirius with him without breaking the kiss. Sirius made himself comfortable, straddling Remus. He let himself get completely lost in a slow, long lasting French kiss.

At some point, they heard the door open and the others come back, but neither were able to pay it much attention.

"Argh - Peter, look at them!"

"At least they're fully clothed..."

"Moony - you _promised_!"

Remus reluctantly pushed Sirius away and sat up. "We decided snogging wasn't classified as _stuff_. You should have specified."

"That's _so _you. Getting off on a technicality."

"Look what we got!" said Peter excitedly as he flung a bag on the table and started to unload it.

"The house-elves have really outdone themselves," grinned James, "they just made the most amazingly delicious looking hot fudge cake."

He conjured four spoons and plates for them and Peter stacked each with a large piece of cake. "There's extra fudge here," he said, placing a steaming jar on the table.

"Oh, Merlin's beard - this is good!" said James, stuffing his face.

Peter nodded in agreement and poured extra fudge on top of his piece. "I'd get so fat if we did this every night!"

"Oh, _no_!" groaned James suddenly.

Peter turned his attention away from his cake and caught sight of Sirius, who was smearing fudge on Remus' lips. He was biting his own lip and looked very concentrated like he was creating some piece of art.

"We didn't think it through when we picked this dessert..."

"We might as well have brought them whipped cream and strawberries too..."

Sirius proceeded to carefully licking away the fudge on Remus' lips, shoving some of it into his mouth with his tongue.

"So, Wormtail - have you finished up that essay on anti-serums for old Sluggie?" asked James, trying to divert their attention away from their two friends.

Remus was now giving Sirius the same treatment. Sirius caught his finger with his mouth and slowly started sucking it clean. Their breathing had become shallow and erratic. Sirius saw Remus staring into his eyes, his pupils wide with arousal. Sirius was sure that his own face was mirroring the expression on Remus' perfectly. He really, _really_ wanted to take off his boyfriend's shirt and explore some more. "Prongs, could you..." he began, breathlessly.

"Yeah, all right. We'll go finish ours in the common room. I guess we brought this on ourselves."

**o0o0o**

"Look," said Lily, as she walked up to the part of the Gryffindor table where The Marauders were sitting, and slapped a fresh issue of _The Daily Prophet_ on the table in front of them. They were all half-way through breakfast, and the daily mail had just been delivered by the usual flock of owls. She dropped down next to James and tapped her finger at an article on page 2. They all leaned in to read it.

"There's been another disappearance," she said darkly.

"Do you know who she is?" asked Sirius.

"No," said Lily. "But it says here that she's Muggle-born. Like most of the others who have disappeared or been found dead."

"What do you think happened to her?" asked Peter

"Taken by Death Eaters, of course!" said Sirius agitatedly.

James shushed him and looked over his shoulder to check that no one was listening.

"They don't mention Death Eaters or You-Know-Who anywhere in the article..." said Remus thoughtfully.

"The editors are cowards!" huffed James. "They know perfectly well who's behind it. They just don't have the guts to write about it."

"But why do they _do_ it - the Death Eaters, I mean?" asked Peter.

"They think Muggle-borns are unworthy to practice magic. That they should be "weeded out". And they do it to anybody - whatever blood status - who oppose them or get in their way. Or even just for the fun of it! Some of them are crazy buggers... pure evil." said Sirius.

"It's extra scary with the torturing cases, I think. Like the one we read about last week." said Remus.

"Oh, yeah. That poor bloke who got crucioed to death," shuddered Sirius. What a way to go. At least Avada Kedavra is painless and quick."

"They're killing off Muggles, too," informed Lily. She subscribed to a Muggle newspaper as well as _The Prophet_ and had been keeping an eye out for possible Death Eater activity. "The Muggle Community is perplexed about a growing number of strange deaths, where healthy and often young people suddenly drop dead from a heart attack. They can't find any explanation for it."

"They wouldn't," said Remus quietly. "The Killing Curse doesn't leave any trace."

"As you know, my mum works at the Ministry," said James. "She says they are _very _worried about the increasing Death Eater activity. That things are seriously getting out of hand."

"The department your mum works in doesn't deal with these matters, does it?" asked Lily sceptically.

"No, no," replied James, "but she hears things. And knows a lot of people. He leaned closer, willing the others to do the same, and lowered his voice to almost a whisper. "She says that You-Know-Who is recruiting heavily these days. They're targeting pure-blood families directly. Especially putting pressure on adolescents."

"Have they gone after _your_ family, Prongs?" asked Peter.

James shook his head. "I don't think so. My family have never been into pure-blood supremacy or the Dark Arts. But there are other families that are being put a lot of pressure on. Like the Malfoys..." he glanced at Sirius, "...and the Blacks."

"I don't CARE, James!" snapped Sirius. "They mean nothing to me. I've put all that behind me. You know that!"

"I'm just saying that probably your bro-"

He was cut off by Remus, who put a hand on his arm and looked him in the eye. "Don't go there, James."

James opened his mouth but then chose to close it again.

"It's not just pure-bloods who join them..." said Lily.

"Oh, no - plenty of half-bloods too," said James quickly. "My point is that you can be sure that a fair part of that lot over there -" he nodded in the direction of the Slytherin table "- are trainees or at least flirting with the idea."

Peter turned around, eyes wide in shock. "R-really? Do the teachers know?"

"Of course they know!" said Sirius and rolled his eyes. "Did you really think that Prongs was smarter and more well informed than the whole staff?"

"Then why don't they just shut the whole house down?"

"Because that would make us as bad as the Death Eaters!" explained Remus. "You can't generalise like that. You can't apply the same yardstick to everybody. Just because you're in Slytherin, it doesn't mean you're bad."

"But James just said that many of them _were._.."

"Yeah, but how are you going to prove which ones are trainees?" said Lily. "You can't - and _shouldn't _judge people by appearance alone. You should know that, Peter, seeing as two of your best and most loyal friends is a Black and a... a Remus."

"That's different. They're in Gryffindor!"

"That's not the point."

"Some of them _are _pretty obvious, though. But like Lily says - you can't do anything about it as long as there's no proof. Innocent until proven guilty, right? You just have to watch out for them," finished James.

Peter squirmed in his seat end wringed his sweaty hands. "It's just... it's scary having them around."

"Don't worry Wormtail - they wouldn't dare hurt anybody as long as they're at Hogwarts. Not with Dumbledore around," said Remus reassuringly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Sirius had been uneasy all day, and as they were lying together in bed that night Remus was waiting patiently for him to confide in him. He knew Sirius so well by now; knew that he did not need to be pressured to tell what was plaguing him. Remus just had to make himself available.

"Moony," said Sirius after a short while. "There's something we need to talk about."

"What is it, Padfoot? Something wrong?" Remus asked caringly.

Sirius sighed. "It's just that..."

"Yes?" coaxed Remus, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"You know, now we're so close... we don't have any secrets from each other, right?"

"Right."

"And we trust each other completely, don't we?"

"Where are you going with this?" asked Remus.

Sirius worriedly took notice that Remus didn't answer his last question. "I want to be there with you when you transform back. I want to be able to help you and comfort you right away."

Remus sighed and lay back. "Sirius - not again. We've been over this. Can't you just let it go?"

"Why don't you want me there?" Sirius asked, hurt in his voice.

"Because I don't want to inconvenience you with my condition more than I already do."

"That doesn't make any sense, Moony! You can't _inconvenience_ the one who loves you more than life itself and will do _anything_ for you."

"If you'll do anything for me, you'll let it go and accept that this is how I want it."

"But I'll be doing it _for you_. I want to help!"

"Sirius, I said no. And I mean it."

"Moony, please. Please let me stay!"

Remus was getting irritated. "Why can't you just let it go? Why can't you respect my wish?"

"I... I... respect your wish... I just want to be with you. After the full moon tomorrow - please let my stay then."

"Why can't you take no for an answer?" said Remus angrily. "Stop _begging_ me!"

"I just don't understand _why_ you don't want me there."

"Because I don't want you seeing me like that, all right? Don't you get it?"

"But we've seen each other in all sorts of situations! There's nothing to be ashamed of. I'd never judge you."

"I don't want it, all right? Now, let it go!"

"Remus, please, please, please. Just for that one time?"

"I said NO. Stop it! I'm warning you, Sirius. Don't try anything tomorrow. Forget about it."

And with that, he turned his back on his boyfriend and concentrated on falling asleep, leaving a disappointed and hurt Sirius alone with his own thoughts.

**o0o0o**

Sirius, Peter and James were heading back towards the castle in the early morning. It was icy cold and the grass and leaves were frosted over. They were acutely aware of the low temperature, having just transformed back from their nice furry animagus forms.

Suddenly Sirius stopped.

"I, uh... forgot my watch in the tunnel. I'll just go back and get it."

"Your watch?" asked James confused.

"Yeah. It must have slipped off my wrist when I was Padfoot..."

"You never wear a watch!"

"Well, I did tonight, and I don't want to lose it!" snapped Sirius.

"All right, we'll come with you, then."

"No need. Just hurry back and get some breakfast. I'll be quick."

"You're not doing something stupid, now, are you Padfoot?" asked James suspiciously.

"Of course not. Don't worry. I'll be back soon!"

James reluctantly agreed, and Sirius turned into Padfoot, covering the distance to the Whomping Willow in no time.

It had been a very difficult day for Sirius, who had been fighting an internal battle over what to do. One part of him wanted to go against Remus' wish and stay with him in the morning, and the other part knew that it was wrong. What it all came down to, however, was that on that terrible night of Remus' first transformation at the Potters, Sirius had realised that he simply could not live with knowing that Remus was going through so much pain alone. He knew he could help ease his pain and comfort him. If he was not able to convince Remus, he was just going to have to show it.

As he entered the tunnel, he could hear the screams of Remus transforming back to his human form. He ran as fast as he could while cursing James for delaying him. He reached the door to the Shrieking Shack and scrabbled frantically with the latch.

When he entered the room, he immediately spotted his lover lying curled up on the floor. His screaming had faded out into whimpers and his breathing was laboured. Sirius threw himself on his knees next to him.

"Moony - it's me! Are you okay?"

Remus showed no sign of having heard him. His eyelids were heavy and he seemed only semi-conscious. Sirius let his gaze run over his naked, maimed body and he felt sick to his stomach. He knew that this was nothing compared to how he would look if he had not had his animagus friends with him, and that tonight had been rather peaceful, but to him it looked bad enough.

He suddenly became aware that Remus was shivering violently, and he hurried to the bed in the corner of the room and grabbed a blanket. He carefully wrapped Remus in it and carried him to the bed where he tugged him in to help him stay warm. Remus was still trembling, partly from pain and sickness, partly from the cold. It was freezing in the shack in the frosty November morning. Sirius cast a warming charm on the blankets. He realized with horror that if he had not been here, Remus would have been lying on the floor, freezing and suffering, until Madam Pomfrey arrived. How could he _possibly_ prefer this over the embarrassment of letting Sirius see him?

He began to examine Remus' wounds and cuts, carefully uncovering one small part of his body at a time so as not to expose him too much to the cold. They were nasty but none looked life threatening.

Remus squirmed in the bed and leaned over just in time to retch over the side and onto the floor. Sirius quickly placed a supporting hand on his forehead and held his hair back. When it finally stopped, he eased Remus' head back on the pillow. He evanescoed the mess and conjured a wet cloth with which he wiped Remus' mouth clean. Then he conjured a glass and filled it with water. Remus groaned in displeasure when Sirius helped him to a halfway sit.

"Here - drink this. You need it."

Remus still did not look like he was wholly aware of his surroundings or even that it was Sirius by his side.

"Come on, Moony, try to drink some." Sirius pressed the edge of the glass to his lips and tipped it slightly. Remus responded by taking a few gulps. Then Sirius eased him back down. He kissed his forehead gingerly and traced a finger over his cheek.

Sirius was utterly shocked over just _how_ bad Remus' state was. He had not imagined him to be quite _that_ sick and helpless, and it made his heart bleed. He felt more confident than ever that he had made the right decision coming here. He couldn't think of a single good enough excuse as to why Remus should suffer more that he absolutely had to.

Why didn't Madam Pomfrey hurry up? Remus needed her! He needed to be healed as fast as possible. Sirius had brought James' invisibility cloak so he could hide from the matron when she arrived. He would have some serious explaining to do if she found him in here!

Sirius' care was turning out to make a big difference for Remus. His shivering had subsided and his breathing was steadying. The sickly pale face was regaining some of its colour. He blinked a few times and slowly opened his eyes.

"Si... Sirius?" he croaked.

"Yes, Moony - it's me," he smiled and cupped Remus' face in his hand while rubbing his cheek with his thumb.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to help you. And I did! You're much better now."

"I TOLD you not to come!" said Remus and tried to sit up.

"But... I _had_ to. I can't allow you to suffer when I can do something about it!"

"You defied me!" Remus' eyes were boring into him.

Sirius winched at the coldness in his voice. "But..."

"What IS it with you and my transformations?" Remus said, angrily. "You just can't deal with them, can you? This is not the first time, remember?"

Remus might as well have stabbed him in the heart, bringing up the horrible incident from 5th year where his recklessness put both Remus' and Snape's life in danger. Sirius had spent the last two years trying to erase the memory from his mind.

"But Remus..." he whispered.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Remus yelled as loud as his weakened state allowed. "Have you no respect for me AT ALL?"

Sirius' felt his throat tighten, making it difficult for him to speak.

"I..."

"Go away, Sirius."

"Moony, I'm sorry! I didn't mean any disrespect. I did it because I love you! I just want to take care of you."

Remus looked straight at him. "Well, I don't need it. Now, leave!"

Sirius stumbled to his feet and backed towards the door away from Remus, staring wide-eyed at him in disbelief. Then he turned around and, blinded by tears, sprinted through the tunnel. He was so oblivious to his surroundings that he didn't stop to press the knot as he emerged from the entrance and didn't notice that he was inches from being thumped to pulp by the Whomping Willow.

**o0o0o**

Peter and James were just about to leave for a quick breakfast before class, when a wild-looking black-haired boy came storming into the dorm and threw himself on his bed, face down. He was sobbing vehemently and his fellow animagi were so taken aback by the sight that they stood frozen for a minute, gaping at him. Then James snapped out of it and hurried to Sirius.

"Padfoot - what's happened?"

Sirius just kept sobbing loudly and didn't respond.

"Is it Moony? Did something happen to Moony?"

Still no reaction.

"TALK TO ME, Sirius! You're SCARING me!" James yelled and shook Sirius.

"Moony s-sent me away..." Sirius sniffled.

"You went IN?"

"Yes... he... he HATES me, James!"

James breathed a sigh of relief, assured that nothing fatal had happened.

Peter was standing by the door, shuffling his feet and looking very uncomfortable. "Prongs -" he began, "we'll miss breakfast..."

"Well hurry up, then," James snapped.

"What about Padfoot?"

"I'll take care of him. Tell Professor Waller I won't make it to DADA class."

When Peter had left, James turned his attention back to Sirius. However irritated he was about Peter's insensitivity, he understood why he was uncomfortable. He, too, was at a bit of a loss as to how to deal with the situation. He had only ever witnessed Sirius crying once, and that time his mother had taken care of it. He was quite skilled in consoling Remus, but with Sirius it was new and felt strange.

"Padfoot," he sighed and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Moony doesn't hate you. No matter what you did, I _know_ he doesn't hate you. It's just not possible."

"You should have heard him... "

"Why did you have to go and do something so STUPID, Sirius?"

"I c-couldn't h-help myself," sobbed Sirius.

"Try to calm down. It's not the end of the world. Remus will forgive you. He always does. No matter how big of an idiot you've been."

"Maybe you're right..."

"I KNOW I'm right! Now, come on. Stop crying."

But Sirius didn't stop crying. If anything, he cried even harder.

"Padfoot. He'll forgive you. You know he will."

"It's not s-so much t-that..."

"What is it, then?"

Sirius murmured something incomprehensible between sobs.

"Padfoot, you have to try and get a hold of yourself. I can't hear what you're saying," said James in a calming tone and rubbed his back. "Come now - deep breaths."

Sirius forced himself to do what James asked, and as he gained a little more control, he sat up, legs tugged under himself and faced James.

"He... he... I don't think he trusts me."

"Oh," said James. "Well, what you just did doesn't exactly prove to him that he _can_ trust you, does it? I'm sorry, Padfoot, but you _did_ disregard his wish. _Even_ though you knew it was something he felt very strongly about."

Sirius nodded. "I know. But I'm talking about _before_ that. He didn't trust me then either. He isn't completely comfortable around me. He's embarrassed to have me see him like that. That's why he wouldn't let me be there."

"I don't think you're giving Remus enough credit, Padfoot. Or yourself, for that matter. I think you're over-interpreting things."

"No," whispered Sirius. New tears were starting to spill down his cheeks. "He doesn't trust me enough to let me see him at his most vulnerable." It was clear that this thought was the thing that upset Sirius the most.

James, feeling just how much this was hurting his best friend, wrapped his arms around him and let him cry onto his shoulder. After a few minutes, he pushed him back a bit so he could look him in the eyes.

"Padfoot - I'm going to talk to Remus."

Sirius looked alarmed. "No... no! I don't think you should get involved! It would be like I've been going behind his back, or something. Please don't do it, James. He'll be even more angry with me!"

"I'm going to do it, Sirius, no matter what you say. He's my friend too. I'm not going to tell him off, or make him do anything. I'm just going to talk to him."

"But why?"

"Because I think you two are talking at cross-purposes, and that you may be needing a bit of help realising that."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Sirius?"

Someone was shaking him. Sirius opened his eyes and tried to focus. His head felt heavy and buzzing, eyes red and puffy. He was lying curled up on top of the covers on his bed. He must have fallen asleep from exhaustion sometime during the day.

"R-Remus?" he said, rubbing his eyes and blinking.

"Yes."

"You're back from the infirmary?"

"Yeah."

"Do you hate me?" Sirius whispered, dreading the answer.

"You silly thing. I don't hate you," Remus smiled. "Make room."

Sirius moved a bit and let Remus lie down next to him.

He looked into the warm hazel eyes that he loved so much, the previous anger having left them.

"You're... you're not mad at me?"

"No," sighed Remus. "I'm not mad anymore."

Sirius closed his eyes and felt a rush of relief washing over him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry Remus. I... I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm a horrible person. I keep doing bad things, even though I mean well. I don't know why. Maybe it's in my genes. Maybe I just can't escape being a Black... Maybe-"

"Stop babbling, Sirius. You're a fool, but you're not a bad person."

"Did you talk to James?" asked Sirius quietly.

"Yes. He came up to me in the infirmary."

"I'm sorry, Moony. I didn't ask him to go. I told him not to."

"It's okay. I'm glad he did. Helped me put things into perspective."

"What did he...?"

"He told me how distraught you were. You gave him quite a scare, there."

Sirius didn't know what to say, so he just stayed quiet, waiting for Remus to make the next move.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Padfoot." Remus finally said.

Sirius looked at him in disbelief. "What? YOU'RE sorry? I'm the one who hurt YOU!"

"Yeah, but I think I hurt you more. I'm sorry I was so hard on you. I was an arse. I just... I thought this was all just about you getting your way. I guess that's why I got so angry. I'm sorry I misjudged your intentions so much. I really should have known better."

"It wasn't... I just couldn't..." Sirius said with a lump in his throat.

Remus reached out and pulled Sirius into his arms. Sirius couldn't help surrendering to another round of tears, this time a peculiar mix of relief and frustration, and he cried them all into Remus' shirt.

When the sobs subsided, Remus pulled back and looked at him. "Now - tell me exactly why you are so upset about the whole thing. What was this _really_ all about?"

"I don't understand why you won't let me _in_... I mean, I let _you_ in. There's no part of me that I don't trust you to see. When I'm hurting or feeling lost - all I want and all I _need_ in order to get better is _you_. But you don't feel the same way. I need you - but you don't need me..."

Remus looked taken aback. "But... you're wrong! I DO feel that way about you. How can you doubt that?"

Sirius didn't look convinced. He continued: "And what I did back in 5th year... I thought you had forgiven me... I know I don't deserve it, but..."

"I _have_. I forgave you a long time ago. I knew you didn't mean any harm." He sighed. "I'm sorry I brought that up this morning. It wasn't fair to you. I didn't mean any of it."

"Okay," nodded Sirius. "But you still don't trust me. Forgiveness and trust isn't the same thing - I know that," he said quietly.

"No it isn't. And it took a lot longer than it did forgiving you, but I _did_ come to trust you again. You'd learned your lesson. And you're older and more mature now. I _know_ you will never do something like that again. I really do trust you, Padfoot. Completely."

Sirius looked confused. "But... then, why..."

Remus cupped Sirius' chin in his hand and looked into his eyes, a smile pulling at his lips. "Did you really think that I wouldn't let you stay with me during my transformations because I'm embarrassed or uncomfortable about letting you see me at my most vulnerable? That I don't trust you?"

Sirius cast his eyes down and nodded.

"Padfoot, you couldn't be more wrong! I did it to _protect_ you."

Sirius looked up, confusion written all over his face. "Protect me? What do you mean? From what?"

"I know how much you care for me and how much it would hurt you seeing me in that state. I didn't want to share that pain with you."

"And you think I don't feel your pain just because I can't see it directly? Do you think I don't know that you're going through hell in there?" Sirius could feel his temper rising. He sat up on the bed. "Have you ANY idea how it feels, knowing how much your loved one suffers, not being able to do anything about it? And even worse - that you actually CAN do something about it, but are not ALLOWED to! How it feels just sitting there, waiting for it to be over? And knowing that you have to do it again next month, and the next, and the next? Have you any idea how much THAT hurts? - A HELL of a lot more than being there with you - sharing your pain, as you put it! What if it were me, Remus? What if it were ME suffering and you weren't allowed to be there for me? How would THAT make you feel?"

"Can I speak now?" asked Remus quietly when Sirius finally ran out of air and stopped his ranting.

Sirius looked at him and loosened up. "Yeah. of course."

"It would kill me, Sirius."

"What?"

"If it were you. I never thought of it like that. I'm sorry."

Sirius grabbed his hand. "I _want _to share your pain, Moony. I don't understand why we should both be hurting alone, when we can do it together."

Remus nodded thoughtfully and sighed. "All right, Padfoot. If you can _guarantee_ me, that it is less painful for you than if you're not there, then you can stay with me from now on."

"Really?" said Sirius hopefully. "You wouldn't feel uncomfortable with me there?"

"No," smiled Remus. "It would comfort me a lot."

"I'll do all I can to help you," Sirius said eagerly. "I did my best this morning, really. I tried to help."

"You _did_ help. I felt much better, much faster than normally. Madam Pomfrey was very surprised that I was doing so well when she came in. I'd have been very grateful, if I hadn't been so angry."

Sirius flung his arms around Remus' neck and squeezed him gingerly, careful not to hurt him. "Thank you, Moony! You won't regret this! I promise!"

**o0o0o**

A couple of days later, Sirius and Remus had the dorm to themselves after their last lesson.

"How do you feel?" asked Sirius and pet Remus' hair caringly. "Are you still hurting?"

"I'm fine. Just a bit stiff in the joints."

Sirius nuzzled his cheek. "Then, how about... playing a bit with your favourite dog?" he asked and flashed him his most charming smile.

"Hmmm... maybe," Remus teased. He caught his boyfriend by the mouth and flicked his tongue playfully across his lips.

Sirius responded eagerly and soon they were engaged in passionate snogging. They had just pulled off each other's shirts when Remus suddenly let go of Sirius and stood up.

Sirius whined in discontent at the loss. "Where are you going, Moony?"

"Just wait a second," he said and started rummaging around the dorm. When he returned, he tossed two Gryffindor ties on the bed in front of Sirius.

"Tie me up."

"W-what?"

Remus sat down in front of his lover. "I want to show you how much I trust you."

"But... you don't need to! You convinced me the other day!"

Remus looked at him with an earnest expression. "I need to prove it to you. Please let me."

"But I don't want to hurt you."

Remus chuckled. "It won't hurt me, Padfoot. It's just neckties! Besides, I _trust_ you to not hurt me - that's the whole point! You know how obsessed I am with being in complete control of myself. I'm giving that up for you." He put one wrist on top of the other and held them out in front of Sirius. "Please oblige me."

Sirius hesitantly tied his wrists together.

"A bit tighter, Padfoot. It ruins the whole purpose if I can slip out of it!"

Remus lay down on his back and stretched his arms above his head. "Tie it to the headboard," he instructed.

Sirius did it, and noticed, a little ashamed of himself, that he had a raging hard-on. He wondered if Remus had seen it. And he wondered what the other tie was for.

"Now - you can do with me whatever you want. Anything."

"A-anything?"

Remus nodded solemnly. "Anything."

"Even...?" Sirius' eyes widened.

"Remus nodded again.

"Are you SURE? I don't want you to do it simply to prove a point."

"I've wanted it for a long time. I was just waiting for the perfect occasion. And I think this is it... That is, if _you_ want to, of course," he added uncertainly.

"Oh, I want to! Believe me."

"Will you blindfold me?" Remus nodded in the direction of the other tie lying on the bed.

Sirius did it, although not entirely sure what the purpose of this was.

"What about Prongs and Wormtail?" he asked.

"Taken care of. They promised not to come in here for the rest of the day. You can take as much time as you like," replied Remus.

Sirius had to admit that the sight of a shirtless Remus lying exposed, tied up and blindfolded, completely at his mercy, was extremely arousing. He bent down to kiss him lightly on the mouth. If Remus wanted to prove to him that he trusted him completely, _he_ in turn was going to prove that he had good reason to. He was going to show him just how much he cared for and adored him. He was going to make this as pleasurable for him as humanly possible.

He propped up Remus on a few pillows, so he was lying comfortably before him. "Gods, you're so beautiful like that," he murmured before he bent down and started kissing him again, slowly and softly.

He moved to kiss Remus' forehead, nose, cheeks, every little part of his face that wasn't covered by the blindfold. Finally, he kissed his way from the chin, along the delicate jaw line, up to the ear, and after having paid extra attention with his tongue there, he started moving slowly down his neck, kissing, licking and nibbling with his teeth. His efforts were rewarded by the occasional soft whimper and moan of contentment he was drawing from the boy beneath him.

Sirius took his time working his way down Remus' upper body. He stopped at the waistband of the trousers and flicked his tongue teasingly between the fabric and the skin, which made Remus groan and arch his hips up towards him.

"What's that?" he grinned. "Want your trousers off?"

Remus nodded eagerly.

"Well, be my guest! I'm not stopping you."

"You stupid mutt," growled Remus.

"Oh! - you want ME to do it?" he asked in mock surprise.

"Yes!"

"Ask nicely," reprimanded Sirius.

"Please!" gasped Remus.

"Well, all right," said Sirius and pulled off the belt before proceeding to undo the button and zipper with his teeth. He laughed a little inwardly - he was really starting to enjoy himself. Remus sighed with relief when he slipped them off for him and urged him to do the same with his briefs.

"Easy now," Sirius purred. "You'll get what's coming to you." He removed the briefs, careful not to touch anything else, although Remus clearly wanted him to. He couldn't help himself teasing him a bit more, so he continued to kiss, lick and caress him - carefully avoiding the throbbing erection. He sucked on each of his nipples and trailed his tongue down his chest, onto his stomach and elicited a loud moan when he plunged his tongue into the navel. He then let his tongue continue its route south, only to pull away right before it reached its destination.

Remus cursed under his breath.

"What kind of language is that, Moony? Tsk, tsk. And to think they made you a _prefect_!" He lowered his head again and let his mouth pay exaggerated attention to Remus' hips.

"You're tormenting me!" whined Remus.

"Why, what do you mean?" asked Sirius innocently.

"You know what I mean!"

"Is there something you need me to do, Sweetie?"

"Yes!" panted Remus.

"I wonder what it could be..." He blew a puff of air on the tip that he was hovering over and made Remus gasp and squirm.

"Padfoot - _please_!"

Sirius thought he'd had enough for now so he lowered his head and took him in his mouth, relishing in Remus' sigh of relief. He gave up on teasing and focused completely on giving him the best blow job possible. He put his mouth, lips, tongue, teeth and hands to good use and soon had his boyfriend reduced to a moaning, writhing mass underneath him. Sirius looked up at him, every so often, to see his sweaty face and half open mouth, to see him biting his lip, tugging at the restraints and throwing his head back in ecstasy. He made an effort to keep his own lower body as still as possible, because he was so aroused that he feared he might come just from the friction of his trousers. They would have to go as soon as possible!

Remus was whimpering loudly now and begging for relief and Sirius gave it to him with a few more hard sucks.

"Si-ri-UUUS!" Remus cried and bucked violently up against him, spilling everything into his mouth. Then he collapsed onto his back, still shuttering from the aftershocks.

Sirius climbed up to his face and smooched him.

"How was that?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Remus grinned goofily. "Do you even have to ask?"

"I thought it looked quite pleasurable, but you never know..." Sirius grinned back.

"Thank you so much. That was... mind-blowing! I want to pay you back."

"You'll get your chance in a minute... unless you've changed your mind?"

"Oh. No - of course not. You just had me forgetting everything for a minute, there."

Sirius discarded his trousers so there would be no premature accidents. He waited for Remus to recover a little before resuming kissing and petting him again. He started out with a relaxing and erotic foot-massage that had Remus melt in his hands in no time, and then moved up his legs.

Remus felt a strange sensation and something slick below. His body jerked in surprise. "What was that?"

"A lube and preparation charm," answered Sirius as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Where did you learn THAT?"

"From a book, Moony," he grinned. "I've done my homework too!"

Remus lay back and chuckled. "I'm proud of you, Pads!"

"Bend your knees," asked Sirius in a gentle voice and positioned himself between his legs. "Are you scared?" he whispered.

Remus shook his head. "No."

"I am. A little bit," Sirius said quietly. "I'm scared of hurting you."

"You'll do fine," smiled Remus.

Sirius used his finger to check if the preparation charm had worked. Since Remus seemed okay, he preceded to slowly edge himself in. He stopped almost immediately as he felt Remus tense up and draw a sharp breath. "I'm sorry! I'll-"

"No, don't stop. Just wait a bit."

Sirius kept completely still, only moving his head slightly in order to plant soothing kisses on Remus' neck. When he felt him relaxing he whispered: "Okay, Love? Want me to go on?"

Remus nodded.

Sirius pushed himself in a little further, and stopped again when he could feel Remus' discomfort.

"Sorry," said Remus. "I'm just a little nervous, I guess."

"It's okay," whispered Sirius. "I'll take good care of you. We'll go as slow as you need. And tell me if you want me to stop, yeah?"

They continued like this, Sirius taking a small step at a time and waiting for Remus to be completely relaxed before taking the next. It took all of his self control, because it felt so amazing; Remus was so _incredibly tight_ it almost hurt _him_, and the only thing restraining him from giving in to the urge to just pound him into the mattress was his intense love and care for him. So instead of pushing on, he was patient, kissing and whispering soothing words into Remus' ear.

And finally, he realized, _finally_ he was in all the way. He felt his pulse pick up even more speed, and he pushed off the blindfold with a shaking hand.

Remus blinked and opened his mouth to say something but was quieted by Sirius' finger on his lip.

"I want you to see me, when we do this. I want to look into your gorgeous eyes when you come."

"Kiss me."

And he did. They kissed softly and sincerely until Remus silently gave Sirius permission to start moving.

The outside world stopped existing. It felt incredible, it felt so _right._ He felt like he couldn't get any closer to Remus. The only thing that was missing was...

His right hand groped for his wand on the bedside table. He found it and diffindoed the tie holding Remus' wrists. "You've proven your point. Now - _hold me_," he begged.

Remus clung to him, one hand on his back and the other clutching at his hair; his legs wrapped around his waist. Sirius could feel Remus moving with him, starting to take physical pleasure in the act, urging him on. He wished he could keep this going for long, but knew there was no way. He could feel his orgasm rapidly building up in his abdomen and realised that Remus wasn't going to have a chance keeping up with him. He slipped a hand in between their stomachs to clutch his member while trying desperately to control himself. He found that Remus had beat him to it and was already helping himself along.

"Don't try to hold back," Remus panted into his mouth, "I want you to let yourself go."

Eternally grateful, Sirius let go of himself, throwing his head back and crying out Remus' name as he came hard with a few vigorous thrusts. He was vaguely aware of Remus getting close as he was riding out his own orgasm, and he managed to keep moving just long enough for Remus to finish also. Then he collapsed on top of him, completely and utterly spent.

The two boys lay there, panting, for a long time, limps entangled and their sweaty hair plastered to each other's faces.

"I'm squashing you," Sirius finally said and mustered all his strength to roll off Remus. "We should clean up," he mumbled, but didn't show any intention on actually doing it.

Remus made to get up.

"NO! Don't go!" whined Sirius.

"I'm not going anywhere," smiled Remus. He cast cleaning charms, drew the curtains and lay down next to his everything and pulled the covers on top of them.

Sirius snuggled up to Remus. They were both too tired and satiated to speak, and neither really felt they needed to. They both knew that they had just shared their most intimate moment so far, both physically and emotionally.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Phew! That was a tough chapter. The sex scenes are so difficult for me. Definitely my Achilles' heel. I can never quite get them to work out like I imagine them. They're always so much hotter in my head than on paper! Well, I've done all I could with this one, and I guess I'm satisfied with it. At least, I don't think I can do it better.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

James walked up to Remus who was working on an Ancient Runes essay in the common room.

"Hi, Moony. Do you know where Lily is?"

"She's off somewhere with Padfoot, studying Potions."

"AGAIN?" He dropped into a chair next to Remus. "Don't you think that's a little suspicious? I mean, they've been doing that a _lot_ lately."

Remus looked up from his parchment, frowning. "What are you implying, Prongs?"

"Nothing! It's just a little strange - Padfoot all of a sudden being so serious about schoolwork..."

"He has probably realized that this is our last year and that his exam results are important."

James huffed. "Why doesn't he study with _us_, then?"

Remus dipped his quill in ink and continued writing. "He says that Lily's the only one who can challenge him in Potions..."

"Well, I guess that's true," said James, looking a little proud. "She's brilliant, isn't she?"

"She sure is."

"But honestly, Moony, aren't _you_ just a tiny bit worried?"

Remus put down his quill and looked disapprovingly at him. "James, he's basically your brother! How can you even THINK something like that about him?"

James wringed his hands. "Right. I know. I'm sorry. It's stupid. I guess she's just my weak point."

"I guess she is."

After a little while James spoke again. "He's been acting a bit strange lately, though. Not just this thing with Lily."

"What do you mean?"

"He's studying a _lot._ That's not like him at all."

"Like I said, he's probably realised there's a life after Hogwarts. I'm glad he's finally taking his education seriously."

"He's also gone a lot. He used to cling to you constantly. Do you know where he goes? He won't tell me. And he always makes sure to bring the Map when he goes."

"No. I don't keep an eye on him all the time. And I don't interrogate him either."

It wasn't entirely true that Remus thought nothing of Sirius' secretive behaviour. He _had_ been wondering about where he was off to so often and why he didn't involve him in it. He had asked him about it, casually, a couple of times but only gotten evasive answers. He hadn't pursued it any further, since he did not want Sirius to doubt his trust in him again.

**o0o0o**

The quartet were sitting around the table in the dorm, studying. Or rather - Remus and Sirius were studying. Peter and James were basically just hanging out.

"What would happen if Moony were to become an animagus?" asked Peter.

"He'd become a regular wolf," said James in a matter-of-fact tone.

"No, I wouldn't," protested Remus. "Your animagus mirrors your personality. I'm nothing like a wolf."

"Yes you are," said Sirius. "Wolves are shy, aloof... beautiful..." He leaned toward Remus and fluttered his eyelashes at the last word.

"- and they don't mind doing it with dogs!" continued James.

Remus choked on his hot cocoa. Peter laughed hysterically.

"Especially with very _handsome_ dogs!" said Sirius smugly. "And they mate for life."

"Dogs, on the other hand, are utterly promiscuous - they'll shag anything that moves," snickered James.

Remus choked on his cocoa again and Peter laughed even more hysterically.

"Shut UP, Prongs," yelled Sirius and punched him on the upper arm, "you're scaring Moony!"

"He's not scaring me, Padfoot," Remus said drily and returned his attention to his book. "Your animagus form is determined by your personality - not biology."

Sirius was not going to let James off that easily, though.

"Did you lot know that stags have harems? Where do you keep yours, Prongs?" he teased. "In the dungeons, maybe? Or the forbidden forest?"

James rolled his eyes.

"Does Lilykins know about this? Do you want me to go tell her?" Sirius sniggered.

"Dogs are difficult to housetrain because they have so little self control," James shot back.

Peter looked like this was the most entertaining conversation he'd witnessed in years. Remus looked like he thought a triple History of Magic lesson with Professor Binns would be hilarious in comparison.

"Stags lose their antlers once a year. And it makes them look stupid," continued Sirius.

"A lot of male dogs are neutered because their owners get tired of having their guests' legs humped," James replied.

Remus slammed his book shut. "You guys are unbelievable. How old are you - 12? I'm going to the library to get some studying done. It's impossible around the two of you." He got up and marched off.

"See what you did, Prongs!" Sirius scolded.

James laughed. "Ah, come off it, Padfoot. Moony's just being Moony. There's nothing to it."

But Sirius got up anyway and went to find Remus in the library.

**o0o0o**

He walked up behind Remus and put his arms around his neck and his head on his shoulder. "Why did you leave?" he pouted.

"Because I want to study in peace. I told you so."

Sirius stood there for a minute, swaying slightly and nudging Remus' neck with his nose. "That thing Prongs said..."

"I didn't take that seriously. Padfoot, come on. How insecure do you think I am? Besides, it's got nothing to do with reality."

Sirius let himself drop onto Remus' lap. "Good. Because you _know_ you're the only one for me, right?"

Remus smiled and gave him a quick kiss. "I know. James forgot to mention that dogs are also fiercely loyal to those they love."

Sirius' face lit up in a big smile. "I love you. And I miss you whenever we're not together. And that even rhymes!" he added.

Remus looked thoughtful for a minute. Then he said: "About that... We haven't seen each other much lately..."

"Oh," said Sirius, his smile fading. "That's what's bothering you."

"I doesn't bother me. I mean, I don't suspect anything. You've just been a bit strange lately. Frankly, I'm a little worried. Is something wrong? I thought we didn't keep secrets from each other."

Sirius nodded. "All right. I _have_ been keeping something from you," he said, fiddling with a lock of Remus' hair.

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"But it's not a _secret_-secret. It's more of a _surprise_-secret."

"Yeah? What kind of surprise?"

"I can't tell you, now, can I?" grinned Sirius and tapped Remus' nose. "It wouldn't be a surprise then, would it?"

"When will I get to see it?" asked Remus who couldn't really hide his curiosity.

"Don't know. Not yet. You'll just have to wait and see," Sirius teased.

"You're evil."

"I know. I'm a Black!"

**o0o0o**

James, Peter and Sirius climbed the stairs to the infirmary on their way to visit Remus the day after the full moon. They had just finished the day's lessons and were very tired, as usual, because they had been out running all night. They hoped Remus would be well enough to come back with them. Before Sirius had begun staying with him in the mornings, he would normally have to stay in the infirmary at least another day, but now he would be well enough by late afternoon or evening most of the time. Madam Pomfrey was thrilled about this improvement although she had no clue as to how it came about. Sirius always brought James' cloak and sneaked out from the Shack behind her and Remus.

The matron greeted them as they entered the infirmary. "Hello Sirius," she smiled. "Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Potter. I think Remus would like to go back with you. He has my permission. But wait half an hour - I've just given him a potion that needs to work before he can get out of bed."

"She called you Sirius?" Remus said when they had sat down by his bed.

"She calls you Remus," replied Sirius.

"Yeah, but we know each other well."

"She knows _us_ pretty well too, by now, spending so much time here with you," reasoned Peter.

"She doesn't use our first names, though, Wormtail," said James.

"I guess it's just because I'm here more than the two of you," explained Sirius.

After checking that no one was listening in on them, they started chatting about last night's escapade.

Suddenly Sirius changed the subject. "I think Reggie is a Death Eater."

The others looked at him in surprise.

"What?" said James. "You mean trainee, right?"

"No. I mean Death Eater," replied Sirius darkly. "He keeps rubbing his left forearm. Like he's uncomfortable or something."

Peter looked very confused. "What? Why?"

"That's where they put the Dark Mark, Pete," explained James.

Peter turned white and edged himself a little further away from Sirius as if fearing he had received the Dark Mark along with his brother.

"It can't be," said Remus, shaking his head. "He's only 16! Surely they wouldn't give the Mark to someone that young."

"He'll be of age in April. I don't think a few months matter to them. He probably got it during the Christmas Holidays," said Sirius.

"He _would_ be a great catch for them, wouldn't he?" speculated James. "The heir to the House of Black..."

"I thought Sirius was the heir?" said Peter confused.

"He _used_ to be. When he was disowned that honour passed to Regulus," said James.

"I think you're jumping to conclusions," said Remus. "Give him the benefit of the doubt."

James ignored Remus' comment. "If it's true, then you'll have to beware of him, Padfoot. He could be really dangerous. You're a blood traitor and he's got it in for you on a personal level."

Sirius dismissed it with a wave of his hand. "Nah - he doesn't have the guts to touch me. He knows I can beat him up anytime."

"You're not kids anymore, Sirius!" said Remus, suddenly sounding anxious. "James is right - you should watch out."

Sirius turned to him with a quizzical look on his face. "Didn't you just say we shouldn't jump to conclusions?"

"Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with being careful..."

"I'm always careful."

James and Peter snorted.

"No, you're not!" said Remus. "You think you're invincible. Please promise me that you won't go looking for trouble."

"Take it easy!" exclaimed Sirius, holding up his hands defensively and rolling his eyes. "Geez - I never said I was planning on starting anything!"

"Just stay clear of him, all right?"

**o0o0o**

A couple of weeks later Remus headed for the infirmary where he was going for his weekly routine check. He stopped right outside the door as he heard Madam Pomfrey talking to somebody on the other side. He hesitated for a minute, not wanting to barge in on something private.

Then the door slowly opened and he heard the matron saying: "All right - you come see me again Wednesday and Friday, then."

The person coming out of the door bumped into Remus and turned to face him. It was Sirius.

"Remus?" he said nervously.

"Sirius? What are you doing here? Is something wrong with you? This is the second time I've run into you here during the last two weeks!"

"I just got a small cut that needed fixing," he said. It came out smoothly, but Remus noticed that he was avoiding eye contact and was shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

He stepped up to him, narrowing his eyes. "You're lying."

Sirius swallowed hard but didn't say anything.

"What's wrong? Are you ill?" asked Remus, clearly anxious.

"No! Nothing like that."

"You've been coming here a lot lately, haven't you? That's why Madam Pomfrey is being so informal with you - like she is with me. This is where you've been going, isn't it?" Remus was getting quite worked up now. "What's wrong with you? Is it some kind of serious illness? Did somebody curse you?"

"I'm FINE! There's nothing wrong with me."

"TELL ME THE TRUTH! I'm getting really scared, Sirius!"

Sirius grabbed hold of both of Remus' arms and looked him in the eyes. "All right, Moony. I'll tell you. Just... let's go sit down somewhere."

**o0o0o**

They found a deserted aisle and Sirius guided Remus over to a sunlit window facing the lake. He sat down on the ledge and motioned for Remus to do the same. He took both of his hands in his and prepared to spill his secret. Remus' hands were shaking slightly, his breathing fast and superficial and his eyes wide.

"Remus - don't be scared. There's nothing wrong with me - I told you!" He sighed. "I wasn't going to tell you yet. It was going to be a surprise when I'd become really good, but I can't have you worry about me, so here goes: Poppy has been teaching me healing for the last couple of months."

Remus' worried expression turned into one of surprise and confusion.

"It's going really well, too. She says I'm very talented. Keeps pushing me to consider making it my profession, actually! Can you believe that?" he laughed nervously.

Remus was staring at him, still saying nothing.

"I'm doing this so I can take better care of you. So that I can heal you immediately after transformations and keep you well. And when we leave Hogwarts Madam Pomfrey won't be there to help you. I couldn't stand thinking about that."

Remus kept staring at him, his face impossible to read. Sirius was getting nervous. This was not how he had pictured Remus' reaction to the news.

"Are you mad that I didn't ask you first? Remus, say something!"

Remus blinked a few times as if coming out of a trance. "And all the Potion studying - is that for the same purpose?"

Sirius nodded.

"You... you're doing all this... for me?"

"Of course! I'll do _anything_ for you. I've told you before."

"That's... the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me," Remus said, almost in a whisper.

Sirius beamed. "Yeah?"

Remus threw his arms around Sirius and squeezed him so hard that it hurt.

"Mmmmph! Moony, you're suffocating me!"

Remus let go and brought their foreheads together, looking into Sirius' eyes. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

Sirius grinned goofily. "No. But I hope it's a _lot!_"

Remus kissed both of his eyelids in turn and then his nose. "You can count on that."

They sat there for a while in the window, watching the sun set over the Black Lake, Remus with his back against the recess and Sirius resting against him.

"So Poppy reckons you could be a healer?" asked Remus, caressing his boyfriend's cheek with his thumb.

"Yeah. Funny, right?"

"Why not consider it?"

Sirius shrugged. "I always imagined something a little more exciting. No. I think I'll just be your personal healer.

Remus chuckled a bit. "You know - I think you're just doing this to make me dependent on you."

"What if I am?" grinned Sirius.

"Then I'd say that there are worse things to be dependent on..."

"You know, Moony, we're a perfect match you and I. I'm good at healing and potions - about the only things that you're_ not_ - and really need. And the things that I'm crap at, you're brilliant at. It's like destiny. We're meant to be together."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Remus hadn't given his ex-girlfriend, Camille, much thought since he and Sirius had gotten together. He couldn't really remember what he had ever seen in her. It seemed like ages ago. She would usually look uncomfortable and avoid eye contact whenever they passed each other in the corridors, and Remus found that he didn't much care.

One day, however, in early March, she walked up to him after lunch. She cast a quick glance around to check that Remus was alone.

"Hi, Remus," she said, fiddling with the cuff of her shirt.

"Hello, Camille," Remus replied with a kind smile.

"I, um, wanted to talk to you about something..."

Sirius caught up with Remus at that moment and stopped abruptly at the sight of Camille. His lips tightened in a thin line and _she_ didn't look any happier about his presence than he with hers.

"Yes?" said Remus, seemingly oblivious to the cold air between the two others.

"Well..." she said and scowled at Sirius, trying to signal to him that he was intruding on a private conversation.

Sirius stepped closer to Remus and glared back at her, making it very clear that he had absolutely no intention of leaving Remus alone with her.

"I wanted to tell you that I broke it off with Craig..."

"Oh," said Remus, not knowing if he was supposed to say _I'm sorry_ or _good for you_. There was an awkward silence.

"I thought I owe you an apology. I wasn't very nice to you. I didn't... I mean... I've realized that I was an idiot for letting you go. You're so much better than he ever was."

Sirius let out a bark-like contemptuous laughter. "Took you long enough!"

Camille hesitantly reached out for Remus' hand but Sirius jerked him away by his robes and she pulled her hand back.

"I just wanted to say that if you ever..." she cast a fleeting glance at Sirius.

Sirius' hands curled into fists and he took a swift step in her direction. "Excuse me," he growled into her face, "have you not SEEN me standing here? Are you completely devoid of tact or are you just plain stupid?"

"Calm down, Padfoot!" said Remus and pulled him back.

"You don't own him, Black!" she spat.

"You have SOME NERVE coming here, hitting on my boyfriend right in front of me! And after what you've done to him - YOU RETARDED BINT!"

"Sirius, BEHAVE!" scolded Remus and got a firm grip on his jumper with both hands, keeping his fuming boyfriend back.

"Camille, I'm sorry, but I'm really happy where I am, and that's not going to change."

She nodded. "I thought as much. No harm in trying, though, is there."

Sirius glared at her as if there really was.

"How did he take it?" asked Remus.

She shrugged. "Not too well. Not that I think he cared that much about me, but I don't think he liked the idea of being dumped. He was kind of possessive. He could be really mean, too."

"Remus, we need to get going," said Sirius, tugging at him. Remus ignored him.

"I'm sorry about that. Good thing you got out of it," he said.

She bit her lip and took a small step closer. "He scares me sometimes..."

"What do you mean? Why?" asked Remus concerned.

"He says some really nasty things, sometimes, him and that group he hangs around..."

"What do they say, Camille?"

"You know, badmouthing Muggle-borns, Muggles -" she said, ticking off on her fingers, "- blood traitors, Gryffindors, Dumbledore, and so on. And all that talk about the Dark Arts..."

"Have you heard anything that can incriminate them?" asked Remus, frowning.

She shook her head. "Not exactly. When they look like they're discussing things, they always clam up when I get near."

Sirius stepped up to her and she winched. "Camille," he said in an almost whisper, his hostility momentarily forgotten, "is Regulus part of that group?" He already knew the answer, but he felt he needed confirmation.

She nodded slowly.

Sirius stepped back, sighing and tried to hide the hurt on his face. Remus grasped his hand and gave it a consoling squeeze.

"Do you think Bracken will leave you alone?" Remus asked Camille.

"Yeah. He didn't seem _that_ upset..."

"But you're afraid, anyway, that he might try something?"

"Maybe. A little bit."

"Right. Listen, Camille, if he threatens you, come straight to me and I'll deal with it, okay?"

She looked surprised and grateful at the same time. "Really? You'd do that?"

Remus nodded. "Of course. And Sirius too - won't you, Padfoot?" he said and squeezed his hand again.

Sirius groaned. "Well, all right," he muttered, looking down at his feet. "But only for you, Moony."

Remus smiled and showed him with a deep kiss that he had absolutely no reason to be jealous, and Sirius melted completely.

"All right," he said again. "We're stupid Gryffindors, after all."

* * *

><p>"I love spring," said Remus, gazing out over the lake. He was sitting with Sirius at their favourite secluded spot by the Black Lake, The Forbidden Forest behind them and the magnificent Scottish mountains towering up behind the shore in front of them.<p>

"So do I. Everything's so fresh and new. It's beautiful."

Remus nodded.

"Remus... "

"Mmm?"

"Have you thought about what's going to happen after we finish here?" asked Sirius.

"I was sort of counting on us staying together..." Remus said, a smile pulling at his lips.

"Yeah - of course! I mean more specific. Where are we going to live? What are we going to do?"

"You're right. We _should_ start thinking about that. I don't really know, Padfoot. It's not going to be easy. None of us have any money or family to help us get started."

"My Uncle Alphard left me some gold in his will. It's not an awful lot, but probably enough for a down payment on a flat or something."

"You should save that. It's your gold."

"Shut it, Moony! Why on earth should I do that? I want to put it to good use, and I can't imagine a better one."

"You know it will be difficult for me to keep a job. Not many will employ a werewolf. I'm afraid I'm going to be a burden for you."

"Don't start on that. You will NEVER EVER be a burden for me! I know you don't like it, but I would love to take care of you. I wouldn't mind even if you didn't make a knut and I had to work night and day to keep us afloat. I would do anything. You know that. I wouldn't even care if we had to live on the streets. As long as I have you. It's the only thing that really matters."

Remus smiled and kissed Sirius' temple. "I feel the same way. But I don't think it will come down to that. I could probably get a Muggle job."

"It would be a waste of your talents, though. It's SO unfair, Moony. It makes me so angry!"

"I know. But don't get yourself worked up about that. Like you said - the only thing that really matters, is that we're together."

Sirius leaned into Remus and lowered his head to his shoulder. Remus put an arm around him and rested his chin on Sirius' head. They sat like that for a long time until Sirius broke the silence.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"I'm... I'm scared."

"What? You're the bravest person I know! What are you scared of? The future? "

"I'm scared of losing you," he whispered.

"You don't have to be. You will never lose me."

"You can't guarantee that."

"I can guarantee that I'll never leave you. No matter what stupid things you might do."

"But something could happen. You might... die or something."

"Sirius, stop that. That can happen to _any_body at any time. Death is the only thing that's certain in life. But I really have no plans on going anytime soon, so don't worry. I'm young and you're taking good care of me on full moons, so it's very unlikely that I should drop dead all of a sudden."

"Hmmmm..."

"Padfoot, it's a completely irrational thing to fear."

"I know. But I can't help it. It keeps eating away at me. It's always there underneath all the happiness."

Remus turned Sirius' head and cupped it with his hands. "I'm not going anywhere, all right? I'll never leave you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"How can I be sure?"

"I always keep my promises. Prongs said so, remember? And when is Prongs ever wrong?"


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Moony, hurry up!" laughed Sirius as he was running towards the castle. "The feast has already started, and if we don't hurry, Peter will have eaten all the good stuff!"

"PADFOOT! YOU SORE LOSER!" panted Remus who was slowly closing the gap between them.

Sirius had dared Remus to race him back to the castle, and knowing that Remus was probably faster on the long distance, he had - well - _cheated_ a bit, giving himself a head start by turning into Padfoot for a few strides.

Sirius had just entered the clearing around the Stone Circle when he heard a voice crying "Expelliarmus" and he felt his wand fly out of his pocket. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked franticly around for the culprit. He turned and saw Remus come running up behind him, drawing his wand. But before he could use it, he was hit square in the chest with a forceful Knockback Jinx that hurled him 7 or 8 yards back and caused him to drop it.

Sirius wanted to run to Remus, but his instinct told him to locate the source of danger first, so he turned around to look in the direction from where the spells had come. Two large figures stood at the far end of the circle, both in Slytherin robes, and two more stepped out from the shadows of one of the big stones. Sirius recognised them immediately as Bracken and Avery. All four started advancing on Remus and him.

Avery pointed his wand at Sirius and shouted: "YOU - _pretty boy_ - don't move!"

"Well, well, well," drawled Bracken's malicious voice, his wand aimed at Remus. "What have we here? If it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Poof." Which one of you is the bitch, by the way?"

The others guffawed loudly. Remus made to get up.

"Oi!" yelled Bracken. "Stay down in the dirt where you belong, you filthy piece of shit!"

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE, BRACKEN!" shouted Sirius. "Do you feel brave kicking people when they are down?"

"What do you mean?" Bracken displayed a fake ignorant-looking face. "Like this?" he said, levitating Remus a few yards into the air and then dropping him.

Sirius immediately set off in the direction of Remus who was squirming and gasping on the ground, but a Trip Jinx sent him slamming down face first. Before he could collect himself, Avery's foot was on his back. "I TOLD you not to move!" he snarled.

"I think we need some restraint for that one," speculated Bracken, "so I can play a little bit with Scarface here - undisturbed. Skinc, Varano - you take care of that."

Sirius was pulled roughly up by the shoulders. He struggled like crazy to wring himself free of the two goons' grip, but they each had several inches and probably 40 pounds on him, so he didn't stand a chance.

"What is this about, Bracken?" yelled Sirius. "Is it petty jealousy over a _girl_?"

"I'll tell you what this is about! It's about teaching two disgusting queers a lesson. And it's about teaching a worthless half-blood and a dirty blood-traitor their rightful place on the social ladder!"

"Are you really so insecure that you're jealous of a _gay _bloke? That's pathetic!" Sirius knew he had hit the nail on the head, because for a split second Bracken's mask of arrogance slipped from his face and revealed raw anger and hatred.

He burst into a fake laughter. "Do you really think I GIVE A TOSS about that stupid bitch?" He twirled his wand in his hands. "Well, on with it. Where were we? Oh, yes," he said, levitating Remus again and then throwing him sideways.

Remus landed with a thud and tumbled on for a few yards. He curled up and groaned in pain. "Bracken," he gasped, "there's nothing to be jealous about. I haven't touched Camille."

"Didn't I just tell your fiancé that I don't care about her? I think I did!" He sent Remus tumbling once more.

Sirius was starting to panic. Remus was getting hurt and Sirius could do nothing about it. He had probably already broken something - at least a rib, judging from the way he was clutching at his side. He began kicking wildly and managed to strike Varano hard in the calf. He jumped away from Sirius, cursing. Before Sirius could make use of it, however, Avery kneed him hard in the stomach. Bent over, gasping for air he felt a Leg-Locker Curse being cast on him.

He could hear Remus yelling: "STOP IT! Just leave him alone! It's _me_ you want!"

"Remus, don't!" Sirius croaked, still not having caught his breath.

"Oh, isn't that just adorable," mocked Bracken, "trying to protect each other." He resumed hurling Remus around.

"Have you bastards no honour?" cried Sirius. "We're unarmed!"

"You should watch your wands better," hissed Avery.

"YOU AMBUSHED US!"

Avery leaned in on him, his gecko-like face levelling with his. "Don't YOU dare speak a word about honour! Pissing on your family like that. You're a disgrace - _damned traitor_!"

Sirius spat in his face. Avery wiped it off and stared at his hand in disbelief. Then he looked back at Sirius and punched him hard in the face. The pain was blinding. There was a flash of white before his eyes and then darkness threatened to close in on him for a few seconds. He could hear Remus yelling something from somewhere miles away and taste blood as he slowly regained full consciousness.

"Avery, if you have ANY hint of decency, you give me my wand and we'll sort this out the proper way!"

Avery ignored him and turned his attention back to Bracken who was still preoccupied with tormenting Remus. Sirius was getting seriously scared for him now. He frantically searched his mind for ideas of how to stop this. Maybe if he could provoke Bracken enough, he would turn his attention to him instead and leave Remus alone. Maybe he could even manage to draw the attention of all four, so that Remus could get away and run for help.

"Bracken - has anyone ever told you that you look like a cross between a flobberworm and a troll?"

Bracken sneered at him but didn't respond more than that.

"No, I'm sorry," said Sirius, "I take that back. You're actually both uglier and dumber than a troll, and you've got smaller balls than a flobberworm."

Avery kicked him hard in the stomach and Sirius folded up, struggling for air. Remus was yelling again.

Bracken pointed at Remus and growled: "ONE more word from you, Lupin, - and I'll hurt that pretty boyfriend of yours so badly that you'll never be able to recognise him again!"

Remus' mouth snapped shut and his eyes widened with fear.

"Coward!" gasped Sirius.

Bracken took a few steps in Sirius' direction. "I beg your pardon?"

"Coward!" Sirius repeated, regaining his breath. "You're a BIG FAT COWARD who is NOTHING without his lackeys around him and unarmed defenceless enemies to torment!"

"Watch your mouth, Black!" he uttered in a venomous voice. "You just wait - I'll get back to you later! And then I'll make you wish you'd never been born!" He turned to face Remus again.

"NO!" howled Sirius. And then he thought of an insult that might actually do the trick. "Bracken," he laughed mockingly. "You must be a _really_ lousy shag!" Bracken spun around and stared at him with narrow eyes and bared teeth. Sirius continued: "Obviously you are so bad in bed that you drive your girlfriend back into the arms of her ex - because she knows HE can do a much better job, even though he isn't into girls!"

Bracken's face turned dark red with anger, a vein throbbing dangerously on his forehead. He marched over to Sirius and didn't stop till he was standing right in front of him, jabbing his wand into his throat and glaring into his face. Sirius glared back, eyes on fire and his gaze hard as rock.

For a second Bracken looked like he lost his nerve, shocked to be met with such defiance instead of the expected fear. He stepped back away from Sirius and took a deep breath, collecting himself. Then an evil grin slowly spread across his face. "I think I've figured out the trick just how to get to you..." he sniggered.

Sirius braced himself for whatever was going to hit him, but to his surprise Bracken just turned and walked away. He then fixed his stare at Remus and raised his wand. A split second before hearing the actual incantation, Sirius knew what was going to happen. He screamed so loudly that Bracken's "CRUCIO" was almost drowned out. And then Remus was screaming. The sound cut through Sirius like a knife, and for a moment he couldn't do anything but stand petrified.

Then it stopped for a moment and Remus lay panting. Sirius was still paralysed and shaking from the shock when the Slytherin cast another Cruciatus Curse, sending Remus into another fit of screaming and thrashing on the ground. This finally woke up Sirius. He flung himself violently against his restraints and yelled incoherent curses and threats at Bracken.

"YOU'LL GO TO AZKABAN FOR THIS! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU ALL! IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

This just couldn't be happening! Sirius had, of course, witnessed Remus in severe pain many times before, but this was worse, much worse, than any of Remus' transformations. Sirius _knew_ just how unfathomable pain the Cruciatus Curse caused. Although he had spent most of his life successfully repressing the memory, he could never forget that one time where his mother had lost her temper completely and crucioed her seven-year old son. It had only been for a few seconds, but that was more than enough. Remus had been tortured for minutes now, and Bracken didn't look like he had plans on stopping any time soon.

After what seemed like ages, Bracken took another break. Remus went limp, shivering and wheezing.

"Do you want me to shut Black up?" shouted Avery to Bracken, pointing to Sirius, who was still yelling threats at the top of his lungs.

"No," cackled Bracken, "it's quite entertaining! Ads a bit of zest to the atmosphere." He walked over to Remus and bent down. "Would you like me to stop?" he asked in a sweet voice.

Remus nodded slowly.

"Well, you just have to ask me. A little 'please' will do."

Remus didn't answer.

"No? Well, I guess we'll give it another go, then!" said Bracken amused and aimed a curse at Remus' head. Remus shrieked and clutched his head, his feet kicking vigorously.

"YOU TOLD HIM HE COULDN'T SPEAK, YOU FUCKING CREEP!" yelled Sirius.

Bracken lifted the curse and looked at Sirius. "I never said he couldn't speak! I just said that it'd cost him. But if he isn't willing to pay the price..." he shrugged and made to curse Remus again.

"Remus - say 'please'!" begged Sirius.

Remus shook his head, and Bracken gave him another round. When he stopped he asked him if he still had nothing to say.

"REMUS! - DO IT!" cried Sirius. "You've had enough! You can't take any more! Stop being so bloody stubborn! If you really love me, you'll do this for me..."

All four Slytherins laughed hard. Avery was almost folding over. "Oh, Merlin! This is the most fun I've had all year!"

Sirius' mind was swirling as Remus was crucioed over and over. He had never been so afraid in his whole life and he was shaking violently. Why didn't anybody come to their rescue? How could so much yelling and screaming go unnoticed? Of course, almost everybody must be at the feast. But James and Peter - wouldn't they wonder where they were? Perhaps check the Map?

Sirius had lost all sense of time. He had no idea how long Bracken had been torturing Remus, but it was way too long. He knew how repeated use of the Cruciatus Curse could leave permanent damage to the victim. He had heard of all sorts of things ranging from insanity to cardiac arrest. He thought that even if Remus didn't lose his mind, there was a good chance that he himself would go insane from listening to the horrific sounds of Remus' suffering.

Suddenly he became aware that the effect of his Leg-Locker Curse had worn off. His heart rate picked up speed - this was his chance! He stopped struggling for a minute and waited for his captors to loosen their grips a bit. Then he hurled himself forward with all the strength he could muster. He almost managed to yank himself free. Almost. As he was brutally yanked back, he heard - more than felt - his left arm break. Skinc and Varano shook him violently and Avery delivered three powerful blows to his face.

He felt his body go limp, only being held up by the two goons. His head fell back and his vision went dark grey. Almost all sounds faded away except for the overwhelming throbbing of his pulse in his ears. He was vaguely aware of something wet gushing over his face from his eyebrow and nose, and he wondered why somebody would be pouring water on him.

Sirius didn't know how long he was in this state, but slowly his senses started coming back to him. He blinked as the surroundings came into focus again and sounds rushed back to his ears, almost deafeningly loud. But there was something wrong: Remus had stopped screaming. Of course that would have been a good thing if it wasn't because Bracken was still crucioing him. Sirius watched his beloved Moony lying completely motionless on the ground.

"STOP IT!" he cried, "YOU'RE KILLING HIM!"

Bracken showed no intention of stopping his abuse although his victim had stopped showing signs of its effect. And then Sirius did something he would never ever have thought he would do. He begged an enemy for mercy. Something he would never have demeaned himself to do on his own behalf, but for Remus he would - if there was even the slighted chance that it would save him.

"Please, Bracken - please stop. Have mercy! I beg you!" He would have dropped to his knees if he hadn't been held up by his captors. "PLEASE! I'll do anything - if you just leave him alone!" Tears were streaming from his eyes, mixing with the blood running down his face.

Bracken looked surprised. Then he broke out in an evil laughter. "Sirius Black on his knees, begging like a girl! Oh, this must be my birthday! But I'm sorry, Sweety Pie - I can't do that. Not when I'm having _such _a good time."

Somebody roared "STUPIFY!" There was a glimpse of red light, and Bracken was blasted backwards. Sirius turned his head to see Dumbledore coming racing down the trail leading to the castle, a tail of people stretched out behind him. The three boys holding Sirius back let go of him and tried to make a run for it, but more Stunning Spells whizzed through the air and they dropped to the ground one by one.

Sirius barely detected any of this. He stumbled forwards and threw himself on his knees next to Remus. "REMUS!" he moaned, cupping his face in his hands. Remus' eyes were dull and gazing at some indeterminable point above Sirius. He tried to get him to focus on him, but there was no reaction. "Remus - LOOK AT ME!" He shook him by the shoulder but there was still no reaction. Sirius desperately pressed his ear to Remus' chest do listen for a heartbeat.

"Sirius - MOVE!" Dumbledore tried to push him away but Sirius clung to Remus.

"He needs me!" he wept. Then somebody was pulling him away by the waist.

"Padfoot, you need to give Dumbledore space so he can help Moony."

Another person came up and wrapped her arms around Sirius as well.

Dumbledore was joined by McGonagall. "Albus," she said with a shaking voice, " - is he...?"

"Where's Poppy? We need Poppy!"

Madam Pomfrey was making her way through the crowd that had gathered at one side of the clearing. She ran to Remus and bent over him.

McGonagall stepped back to give her room. "Close his eyes, Albus," she said.

Sirius heard what must be James and Lily gasp. He felt like his chest was wound in string that was being tightened with unmerciful force and an ice cold rush coursed through his entire body. "No - NO!" he cried hysterically.

The Transfiguration professor turned toward him. "No Sirius - it's not like that!" she hurriedly said while running up to him. She placed a consoling hand on his neck. "He's not dead. But he's not blinking and I'm afraid that his eyes might dry out if they remain open."

Sirius felt a surge of relief and his knees almost buckled under him.

"Is it bad? Is he going to make it?" asked James in a voice that barely sounded like his own.

"I don't know, Potter. It looks very bad, I'm sorry. I just don't know," she said, shaking her head slowly.

Dumbledore was motioning for Hagrid to come forward. Sirius watched the gigantic man bend down and pick up Remus like he weighed nothing. The slender boy looked like a tiny ragdoll in the enormous arms, his limbs dangling and his head lolling back dangerously until Hagrid noticed and shifted to support it with his elbow. Then he began making his way towards the castle, the crowd parting in front of him to make way.

Sirius wanted to follow but he found that he couldn't move. His body weighed a ton and his head was spinning. The pain in his arm was shooting through him with renewed strength. Bile was rising in his throat and sounds were becoming muffled and distant. He could hear James saying something incomprehensible and another voice - perhaps Peter's. Then he felt his legs give way under him and he fell into darkness.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Footsteps. Voices. Sirius wished they would go away. They were hurting his head. What were they all doing in the dorm, anyway? Why wouldn't they leave him alone? He was definitely not getting out of bed to go to lessons today. He just wanted to sleep.

_No. You have to wake up! _A voice said in his head. Sirius told it to go to hell.

_You have to wake up - something's wrong,_ the voice insisted.

_My head hurts. It'll only get worse if I get up_, he replied.

_Something much worse than your headache is going on. Something very bad happened._

_What?_

_I don't remember. But you have to get up and find out!_

Sirius groaned in displeasure and tried to force open his eyelids.

"Padfoot?" a voice said. Then, much louder: "Prongs - he's waking up!"

Then hurried footsteps and another voice: "Padfoot - thank _Godric_ - are you okay?"

Sirius managed to open his heavy, sticky eyelids and saw a worried face hovering over him.

"James? What... where are we? What happened?"

"Infirmary. You took some bad blows to your head. And broke your arm."

"Where's Moony?" he asked. _Moony... MOONY!_ He was suddenly wide awake as all the events at the Stone Circle came back to him.

"Where's Moony?" he repeated with panic in his voice. He tried to sit up, but James pushed him back down with a hand to his chest.

"Don't get up. You'll just..."

Sirius shoved James' hand away, none too gently. He flung his legs over the side of the bed and landed on his feet. He immediately felt the blood rushing away from his head and it blackened before his eyes. He vaguely felt James catching him and easing him back down on the bed.

He blinked and waited for his head to clear while fighting to hold back the sick that was threatening to rise in his throat.

" 'You'll just pass out' was what I was about to say," said James.

"But Remus - WHERE'S REMUS?" Sirius asked desperately.

"He's just across the aisle."

Sirius tried to locate him, but he couldn't see the far end of the infirmary from his position.

"How is he?"

"You'll have to wait a bit, and then we can get you up slowly," said James, not answering his question.

"HOW IS HE?" Sirius cried, struggling against James' hold, to get up.

"Calm down, Sirius! He's... he's alive."

"But...?"

"But nothing. He's unconscious. They don't know anything yet."

"But he's not dying?"

"I don't KNOW, Padfoot. They say it's very difficult to determine damages from the Cruciatus Curse because they aren't visible. Dumbledore has gone to St. Mungo's to fetch expert help."

"How long have I been out?"

"Maybe an hour."

"Help me up."

James helped him to a sit. He made to get out of the bed, but his head started spinning and he felt sick again.

"Just sit like that till your head clears," James instructed.

After a short while Sirius felt better as blood returned to his head, and he stood up, knees shaking.

James led him to the end of the ward where Remus lay surrounded by staff. In addition to Madam Pomfrey, a mediwizard and a couple of nurses, Professor McGonagall and Hagrid were there, as were Lily and Peter. Sirius pushed himself past them to Remus' bedside and seized his hand.

"Moony - I'm here!"

Remus was deadly pale. He had a deep gash running down his temple, a few bruises on his face and a lot more on his battered body. A large bandage was wrapped around his chest, another covered his collarbone and his arms had been patched up.

"Wake up, Moony," begged Sirius and kissed his palm. "Come on - wake up!"

He ran his thumb gingerly along Remus' face. "He's so cold," he said, looking, through tears, up at Madam Pomfrey. "Why is he so cold? Why don't you heal him?"

"We're doing all we can, Sirius," she sighed. "But he's been very badly abused - it's not an easy job."

"What's that?" asked Sirius, pointing to a strange-looking plaster across the bridge of Remus' nose.

"It's a patch that helps him breathe. It's magical, of course."

"Why? He can't breathe on his own?" Sirius asked horrified.

"Not... very well. We need to make sure he gets enough oxygen."

"But you can help him, right? - Please help him!" Sirius uttered in a high pitched voice.

"We ARE helping him, Sirius."

"Then why is he lying there, hurt, cold and barely breathing? FIX HIM!" Sirius demanded, tears gushing down his cheeks. He took rapid, shallow breaths, and was beginning to shake.

Then Lily's hands were on his shoulders. "Calm down, Sirius. You won't do Remus any good getting yourself worked up."

But Sirius wasn't about to calm down. Instead he found himself giving in to panic. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING? HELP HIM! MAKE HIM WAKE UP!" He bolted towards Remus and started to shake him. "Remus - WAKE UP!" he demanded desperately.

"SIRIUS! Calm DOWN! You might hurt him!" sounded McGonagall's stern voice.

James and Peter pulled him away and he struggled to free himself of them to get back to Remus. Behind them, Lily was sobbing loudly.

"WHY DON'T YOU HEAL HIM! FIX HIM! MAKE HIM WELL!" He screamed, now hyperventilating and shaking violently. His head was buzzing again, he was overwhelmed by nausea and once more he was losing consciousness. He felt himself being guided onto a chair and his head being pressed down between his knees.

"Sit still," he heard Madam Pomfrey's authoritative but caring voice say. "Come now - deep, slow breaths. Good. That's it."

When he came round he raised his head and looked up at the matron. She had a vial with purple liquid in her hand.

"You need to take this potion, Sirius. And then we have to get you back to bed."

"What? NO! I want to stay with Remus!"

"You are not well. I won't take responsibility for -"

"My injuries aren't that bad!"

"It's not so much your injuries. It's more the fact that you're in shock." She held the vial to his lips and urged him to drink it.

Sirius pushed it away. "No! I don't want to go to sleep!"

"It's not a sleeping draught. It's just a sedative."

"I... please don't make me go to bed! I can't leave Remus - I have to see what happens!"

Madam Pomfrey sighed deeply. "Well, all right. But you must drink the potion and you have to control yourself. If you get agitated again I'm going to have to put you under. It's for your own good," she added.

Sirius nodded and emptied the vial obediently. Lily sat down next to him and pulled him into a comforting hug. He could feel the potion take effect almost immediately. He felt extremely dull and numb and his head was heavy. Madam Pomfrey had done her job well - there was no way that he would have the energy to work himself up into another hysterical fit. All he could do was lean into Lily's embrace and cry with her.

They sat like that until Dumbledore entered the ward. He was followed by a middle-aged man with steel grey hair, wearing the characteristic lime green robes of St. Mungo's. Before introducing the man, Dumbledore gave Sirius a sad smile and a pat on the head.

Scott Fletcher, who was specialised in Cruciatus Curse victims, knew Dumbledore well and held a deep-felt respect for him, so he was more than willing to leave the hospital and come to his aid. He took a quick look at Remus and asked for an update. Dumbledore had already filled him in on what had happened at the Stone Circle, and Madam Pomfrey quickly accounted for the physical injuries.

"Broken ankle, broken collarbone, three broken ribs, a punctured lung, a gash to the head and numerous bruises and cuts. All are - of course - already being tended to."

Fletcher nodded. "Of course, Miss Pomfrey, your excellent healing skills are well known."

He reached into his bag and pulled out a quick-quotes quill and parchment. He proceeded to give Remus a check-up while dictating observations to the quill. He shone a bright light into Remus' eyes. "No pupillary response," he muttered. He checked the blinking reflex and jerked Remus' face rapidly to the side to see if the eyes followed.

Sirius tensed up in his seat at this, and James went to stand next to him and placed a consoling hand on his neck. "Take it easy, Padfoot. He knows what he's doing."

The healer examined the rest of Remus' body, using his wand to stroke or tap various parts such as knee, bicep and foot. Sirius noticed that his facial expression turned more and more grave.

He stopped and looked up at Madam Pomfrey. "All reflex responses are either absent or very poor," he said, frowning. "This is not a good sign."

The healer continued his examination, moving and swishing his wand over Remus, muttering numerous incantations.

* * *

><p>Sirius could hear footsteps coming down the corridor of the hospital wing and their owners in agitated conversation.<p>

"I am VERY much against this Albus," sounded Madam Pomfrey's voice. "The boy is deeply traumatised, and it's only been three days."

"I have already explained how important this is," said a man, whose voice Sirius didn't recognise. "Without a detailed account of events given by an eyewitness, persecution will be very difficult."

"I'm sorry Mr. Twiggs, but the wellbeing of my patients comes first."

"Poppy," said Dumbledore in a calm tone, "Sirius, more than anyone, wants those boys brought to justice."

"Yes... but the state he is in... he's still in shock! He hasn't slept, he hasn't eaten - he just sits there, staring at his friend."

"Isn't that _your _job to make sure your patients get what they need?" said Twiggs irritatedly.

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?" answered Madam Pomfrey angrily. "Do you want me to force-feed him and pour potions down his throat? And traumatise him even further?"

"Now, now," interrupted Dumbledore. "How about we just ask Sirius if he wants to do it?"

"He doesn't know what's good for him! As his nurse, I am responsible for his condition."

"Poppy, let's just talk to him, okay? I will take that responsibility on my shoulders."

The curtain around Remus' bed was drawn aside and the headmaster, the matron and two official-looking wizards entered.

"Sirius," said Dumbledore, smiling at him. "These gentlemen are criminal investigators from the Ministry. They would like to question you about the recent events. Now, I understand if you don't feel you can talk about it yet, but-"

"I want to do it," he interrupted.

"I'm glad," smiled the old wizard.

The Ministry officials pulled up chairs and sat down, facing Sirius. Madam Pomfrey got behind him and placed her hands protectively on his shoulders. Sirius didn't need to see her face to know that she was glaring angrily at the two wizards.

"Mr. Black," Twiggs started, "I would like you to describe - in detail - what happened that night."

Trembling, Sirius began telling the story. As soon as he got to the part involving Remus he could feel his heart starting to pound fast and cold sweat breaking out on his forehead.

"I must protest!" said Madam Pomfrey.

Twiggs ignored her and urged Sirius to go on.

Sirius only managed a few more sentences before he was shaking and gasping for breath. His heart beat so fast and violently that he feared it would explode in his chest. He started to panic - he... he couldn't breathe... not get enough air... he was going to suffocate!

"STOP IT," roared Madam Pomfrey. "He's having a panic attack! - GET OUT!"

The officials reluctantly got up from their chairs and retreated to the aisle with Dumbledore. Pomfrey kneeled down in front of the panting boy, trying to calm him down and instructing him how to control his breathing.

"What about the other boy," asked the second investigator, "- the one who raised the alarm? He's an eyewitness - we could get a testimony from him."

"No," said Dumbledore firmly. "He is in enough trouble as it is. He has put himself at great risk turning in these particular house mates."

"As Ministry officials it's our right to-" began Twiggs.

"As headmaster it is MY right to protect my students! It's out of the question. I will not even let you talk to him," Dumbledore said with such authority in his voice that the other wizards dared not pursue the matter any further.

"I will do it!" said Sirius, who had managed to get somewhat control of himself.

The three wizards in the aisle turned and looked at him in surprise.

"Sirius - you can't -" started the matron.

"I... have to... for Remus... give me... something..."

Very reluctantly Madam Pomfrey gave him a sedative and half an hour later the criminal investigators had gotten a fairly useful account of events.

"Poppy," asked Dumbledore, "would you be so kind as to accompany these gentlemen out? I would like a private word with Sirius."

The matron nodded and left with the officials.

Dumbledore sat down in front of Sirius, who was clutching Remus' hand, like he had all through the interview to give him strength to get through it.

"That was very brave, Sirius," said Dumbledore in a kind and admiring tone.

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask who it was that raised the alarm?"

"Of course. It was your brother."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Peter, James and Lily hurried to the infirmary after dinner. They had brought some food for Sirius - although they had no illusions about him actually eating any of it. He had survived on water and occasional sips of pumpkin juice ever since the disaster.

The last 3 weeks had been a living hell for James Potter. Not only did he fear for the life of one of his best friends, he was also worried sick about his other best friend's health and sanity. The healers hadn't been of much use, James thought. They hadn't been able to do anything for Remus other than keep him on life support and monitor his vital functions. There was no way of telling what kind of damages the curses had caused, or whether he was going to die, stay in a coma forever or wake up. There was nothing to do but wait and see, they said.

James had no idea how he would have been able to deal with all this if not for Lily. She was almost as devastated as he was, but they had the support of each other. James knew that he _had_ to keep it together; that he couldn't allow himself to despair over Remus, because he needed to stay strong for Sirius. He knew that apart from Remus, James was the only person in the world that TRULY meant something to Sirius.

It had been absolutely heartbreaking witnessing Sirius' reactions the past weeks. He had alternated between hysteria, denial, crying (a _lot_ of crying), rage, panic and apathy. Lately he had mostly been docile - no doubt due to exhaustion from grief and lack of food and sleep. Now he would only get agitated when they tried to force him away from Remus' bedside. The bed next to Remus' had been reserved for Sirius, but he refused to use it. Every so often, he would dose off in his chair, his head dropping to Remus' bed. Sometimes Madam Pomfrey succeeded in levitating him to his own bed without waking him up, but even then it would be an uneasy and brief sleep.

They found him sitting in the exact same position they'd left him in earlier that day - and most other days, for that matter - sitting on a chair next to Remus, staring at his face as if willing him to open his eyes. It almost seemed like he was afraid that if Remus _did_ open them while he wasn't looking, it wouldn't be happening for real.

"Hi, Padfoot," said James in a soft voice while Lily walked over and hugged Sirius from behind.

"Hi," he whispered, not taking his eyes off Remus.

They all pulled up chairs and sat down, Lily next to Sirius, and James and Peter on the other side of the bed.

"We've brought you some soup..." tried James. "Tomato. Your favourite."

Sirius didn't respond.

Peter handed the small bowl of soup to Lily, who in turn offered it to Sirius.

"Here. You can eat a bit of this, can't you? It's not very foodish. If you can drink pumpkin juice, you can eat this..." She held a spoonful up to his mouth.

"Take it away, Evans. I'm not a baby who needs to be fed."

"Sorry," she said, putting the spoon down, "we just wish you'd eat something. We're very worried about you."

"You should worry about Moony," said Sirius.

"We DO," James said. "But we worry about _you_ too. You should see yourself - you look... horrible."

"Stop pestering me, Prongs, or go away."

"We're just trying to help you. It pains us so much watching you torture yourself like this," replied James.

"If you don't want to eat, then how about taking a sleeping draught and get a good night's sleep for once?" suggested Lily. "It would really do you some good..."

Sirius shook his head. "I can't. I have to watch Remus."

"But he's right here!" intervened Peter. "You can see him from your bed!"

The black-haired boy shot the blonde an irritated look. "I can't see him with my eyes closed, can I?"

Peter clammed up. He rarely talked back to Sirius - his hot temper had always scared him a little.

"Why are you so scared of leaving him out of sight?" asked James. "You know he's safe here. Madam Pomfrey or the nurses are always here to look after him."

Sirius fidgeted slightly in his chair and focused his gaze on his hands as he answered. "I'm just... I'm... terrified to wake up and find that he's... you know..." Fresh tears started trickling down his cheeks, and he couldn't finish the sentence.

James nodded slowly. Then he looked pleadingly at his girlfriend. "Lils, could you..."

"Of course," she said and stood up. "We'll see you tomorrow, Sirius, okay?" She kissed his cheek and left the ward dragging a confused Peter along with her.

James moved to the chair Lily had been sitting on next to Sirius.

"Padfoot... would you be comfortable getting some sleep if I promise to sit here and watch him the whole time?"

Sirius looked indecisive. "I dunno..."

"If I promise to wake you up immediately if there is any change in his condition - good or bad?"

"Hmm... but if I've taken a sleeping draught I might not be properly awake."

"You could have a pepper-up potion sitting ready on your night stand."

"All right..." said Sirius hesitantly. "Tomorrow. And just this once."

James let out a relieved sigh. "Good. After dinner tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah..."

"Padfoot?" said James tentatively after a moment of silence.

"Mmm..."

James didn't quite know how to put it, but there was something he _had_ to ask. Something that had been nagging away at him for a long time. He took one of Sirius' hands in his and gathered his courage.

"Have you... if he..." he took a deep breath and took the plunge: "If Remus dies, you're not going to... do something stupid... are you?"

Sirius looked him calmly in the eye. "If _'something stupid'_ means kill myself, then yes, I am going to do something stupid."

James had expected it, but felt a wave of shock going through him anyway.

"Sirius... you can't do that."

"Yes I can. It's the only way."

"It's the easy way." James could feel himself getting a little angry on top of his fear. "It's cowardly. And you've never been a coward, Padfoot."

Sirius watched him with a sad and defeated look in his eyes. "I don't care. It's the only thing that prevents me from going insane when thinking about that he might die. It's my only comfort to know that if it happens, at least I can escape the pain. Please don't try to take that away from me, James."

"Why don't you cross that bridge when you come to it?"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm sorry, Prongs. But I have to. I don't want to lie to you."

James fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. "What about US? Would you do that to us? Not only would we lose Remus, but you as well? Have you any idea how much that would hurt?"

Sirius swallowed hard and looked down at the hand that was holding his. "I don't have anything to live for if I lose Moony."

"What about ME? Don't I mean something to you, too? You're my only brother. I... I love you."

James could see Sirius eyes' widen and fill with something that could only be guilt.

"I'm so, so sorry, James," he whispered, "I love you too. But I just don't think I have the strength to go on without him."

* * *

><p>"You have a visitor," one of the nurses announced.<p>

Sirius groaned. He didn't much like to have visitors - except for, of course, James, Peter and Lily. He felt exposed and didn't want their pity. The curtain was drawn aside and in stepped -

"Re-Reggie?"

Regulus didn't say anything. He stopped at the foot of Remus' bed and rested his hand on the foot-rail. There was a long moment of awkward silence.

"I... I've meant to find you and thank you. I just haven't been able to leave Remus..." Sirius began. "I'm so grateful for what you did. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"I just came to see how your friend was doing." There was another silence while Regulus absentmindedly twisted a lock of his hair around his index finger. "Is he going to make it?"

"Of course," said Sirius. "He's just sleeping. His body is recuperating. He'll wake up any time now."

Regulus looked at him with an expression that showed that he didn't really buy that, but he nodded slowly, nevertheless. He moved to the head of the bed and contemplated Remus' pale face with a peculiar interest.

Sirius tensed up. He didn't like just anyone getting too close to Remus. He'd flat out refused people he didn't know well or trusted. James said that he had turned into an overprotective watchdog. He'd basically chased a shocked Camille out of the ward, yelling at her that it was all her fault that Remus had been attacked. But he couldn't very well deny the person who'd saved them, could he?

"He's pretty," said Regulus, looking at Remus' face. "In a sad kind of way."

Sirius didn't know what to make of that. "I thought you said he was half-blood scum?"

"There's nothing wrong with being a half-blood..."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"...we just shouldn't interbreed with them. But then again - that shouldn't be a problem with the two of you," Regulus finished with a sardonic smile.

Sirius pressed his lips together, not wanting to fight with his brother just now. Instead he kept quiet for a little while.

"Reggie?" he asked tentatively. "Why did you do it?"

Regulus shrugged. "Because they were out of line."

"What do you mean?"

"That cruelty... they were being malicious for no good reason."

"But that's how Death Eaters ARE, Reg!"

Regulus glared at him. "You don't know anything about that!"

"How can you support people like them?"

"Just because there are a few rotten apples..." Regulus began.

"But don't you see? THEY'RE not the exception - YOU are!"

Sirius leaned over and pushed Regulus' sleeve back. Like he'd suspected, he found the Dark Mark glaring up at him.

"Oh, Reggie - how_ could_ you?" he whispered. "This is not who you are!"

Regulus yanked his arm back and sneered at Sirius. "You don't know ANYTHING! So mind your own business, Sirius."

"Did you get in trouble with your housemates for ratting on them?"

Regulus shrugged. "Nothing worse than the howler from Mum..."

"What's going to happen when you go home for the summer? What are the other Death Eaters going to do to you?" asked Sirius concerned. He thought he saw a brief flash of fear in Regulus' eyes, but then his face was back to its usual indifferent expression.

"I don't need your concern."

"But I don't want them to hurt you," said Sirius.

"I'll manage. I'm sure they will see the greater perspective."

Sirius didn't think they would at all.

"Reggie... you can get out of this. Dumbledore will help you, I'm sure. Just ask him."

The young Black glared at him. "I told you to stay out of it."

After another awkward silence, Regulus cleared his throat and announced that he should get going.

"Whether it matters to you or not - I'm so grateful for what you did for us. I'll be in your debt forever." Sirius stood up and pulled Regulus into a hug.

Regulus tensed up for a few seconds. Then he roughly pushed Sirius away. "Don't get any ideas! Don't think that I care about you! You're still _not_ my brother." He turned around and made to walk away.

"Regulus?" Sirius called.

Regulus stopped and turned to look back at him.

"I'm so sorry. I've let you down. I feel somewhat responsible for you turning out like this. You don't belong with these people - it's not who you are, I know it. I'm afraid that this is going to be your downfall. I wish I'd done a better job at making you see it. Reggie, _please_ just reconsider. Get out while you can."

Regulus stood there for a long time, just looking at him with his poker face on. Finally, he opened his mouth and spoke slowly, but firmly.

"You think you have that kind of power over me? Lack of self-confidence has certainly never been your problem. You are not responsible for how I turned out, as you so delicately put it. I'm a person in my own right. I have my own values and I make my own decisions, and nothing you can say now or back then is going to have an influence on me. So you can stop your guilt trip."

And with that he turned on his heel and walked swiftly out of the infirmary, leaving his brother with another gash in his already mangled heart.

* * *

><p>"I need a word with you, Sirius," said a grave-looking Professor McGonagall. She sat down on a chair in front of the once so lively and healthy-looking boy, and cleared her throat.<p>

"This whole business about not eating - it has got to stop," she said sternly.

Sirius looked down at his feet, but didn't say anything.

"We can't just sit by and watch you starve yourself to death."

"I'm... that's not what I'm trying to do," he protested.

"Maybe not. But I'm sure you've learned enough biology to know that when an organism goes without food for an extended amount of time, it will eventually die."

"I'm... I just can't eat right now. Not when Remus is lying there. I'll eat when he wakes up. Promise."

"That's not good enough, Sirius."

"Why? Are you saying that he won't wake up soon?"

"I'm saying, that none of us know _when_ or even_ if_ he wakes up. Don't look at me like that - you know it's true. No use in denying it. Now - Madam Pomfrey will not force you to do something you don't want to - but _I _will if needs be."

Sirius looked up at her. "You can't force me! I'm of age."

McGonagall nodded slowly. "That's true. I _can't_ force you. But I _can_ give you an ultimatum." She sighed. "I'm so sorry to do this to you, Sirius, but I don't really have a choice."

"What kind of ultimatum?" he asked nervously.

"If you don't start eating, then you won't be allowed to stay up here all the time. You'll sleep in your dorm and you can visit Remus between classes and before curfew like the other students.

"You can't do that," he whispered, looking at her with tear-filled, pleading eyes.

"I can, and I will. I'm your Head of House." Seeing the tears trickling down the unhappy boy's face, her voice softened. "I'm not asking you to eat a whole hippogriff, Sirius. Just 1000 calories per day. A boy your age and height _should_ eat at least twice that, but we will go easy on you."

Sirius just sat there, weeping silently.

"Well... do we have a deal?"

"I... I don't have a choice. I can't leave Remus. Ever. But - what if I CAN'T eat? I'm not hungry. My stomach feels like it's not even there."

McGonagall leaned in and, not very used to touching students, hesitantly stroked his hair. "I'm sure you can, Sirius. And you'll see - it'll make you feel better."

Sirius knew it wouldn't. Nothing would. Except for Remus coming back to him.

* * *

><p>Sirius' eyes stung and burned. He couldn't read anymore, at least not tonight, so he put away Remus battered copy of <em>Numerology and Grammatica<em>.

Henry Potter had told Sirius that some healers, himself included, believed that sometimes coma patients were able to hear, and that talking or reading to them _might_ help them come back to consciousness. He had emphasized that it was only a theory, and that it all depended on the condition of the patient. He didn't want to give Sirius false hope, but Sirius was ready to grasp at any hope, however small it was. So he had read, and read, and read to Remus. James had picked up a stack of Remus' books and Sirius was working his way through them, not caring what they were about.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I can't read anymore right now. I'm so, so tired. I don't know what to do anymore..."

It was silent in the ward tonight. No other students were hospitalised at the time, and the only sounds Sirius could hear were his own breathing and heartbeat. Remus' breathing was barely audible - even if leaning in close. In fact, if it wasn't for the small rise and fall of his slight chest, he might as well be dead by the looks of it. His eyelids were greyish pink, thin and frail, almost transparent-looking. His face was chalk white, having been out of the sun for so long. Even his lovely lips were pale. Sirius touched them with a shaky finger. They were cold, but just as soft as they'd always been. He leaned in and hovered over Remus' face. He wondered if kissing someone in a coma would be considered sick or a violation of some sort. Either way, he couldn't help himself and pressed his lips lightly to Remus', closing his eyes. It was innocent enough; no tongue, just lips against lips. A plethora of emotions surged through him; pleasure, pain, comfort and grief. When he couldn't stand it any longer, he pulled away.

"I miss you so much," he whispered. "I can't stand it anymore... you have to come back to me... please. I need you."

He felt desperately lonely. And without thinking, he lifted up the covers and slipped in. He curled up next to Remus, his head resting on his chest so he could feel him breathing and hear his heartbeat. He closed his eyes and concentrated on pretending that Remus was just sleeping and this was a normal night in their dorm like any other.

When Madam Pomfrey, half an hour later, pulled the curtain aside to do her nightly check-up, she was surprised at the sight that met her. It was highly irregular, of course, but seeing the peaceful expression on the sleeping black-haired boy's face, she decided to let it pass. Just this one time, she promised herself.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: All right. 2 more chapters to go. Again, thanks for all the reviews. I appreciate every single one - they really keep me going.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Second last chapter. I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. It's been way too long since last chapter already. Hope you like it anyway.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

Sirius let out a heavy sigh of relief as they removed the restraints that had been put on Remus for the full moon. The transformation hadn't happened, and Sirius thanked God, or Merlin or whoever might be responsible. He had been scared to death that Remus might transform and die as a result. Madam Pomfrey had administered a sedative to him early on when he had started to panic.

Remus' bed was surrounded by healers. Madam Pomfrey, Scott Fletcher, Henry Potter and another St. Mungo's healer Sirius didn't know the name of. He was a lycanthropy expert that Dumbledore had called in for the occasion. They had speculated that Remus' brain and body function might be so detached that he could not transform. They had all been worried about what would happen if the transformation _did_ take place. The question was, whether Remus' body was so damaged and fragile that the strain of it would kill him.

Sirius was sitting with James, a bit back in order to give the healers space to attend to Remus. He could see their grave body language and frowning faces. They were apparently discussing what this new development could tell them about the condition of their patient.

"Why aren't they relieved?" asked Sirius in puzzlement.

"I'm not sure," answered James. "I think they're worried about _why_ he didn't change."

"What's happening?" Sirius called in the direction of the healers.

Mr. Potter walked over to them. "Boys, the thing is... we're afraid that this is..." He stopped and frowned, evidently thinking hard about how to put it. "Fletcher and Campestris believe that this is proof that... that the damage is irreversible. The fact that his body is not responding to the full moon..." He shook his head. "And Fletcher's spells reveal no changes at all since the first time he examined him. He'll.. he'll probably never wake up, Sirius."

Sirius, in shock and still dazed from his potion, just gazed at him, dumbstruck.

James' face turned white. "Dad - you - you must be mistaken! Are you _sure_?"

Mr. Potter shook his head. "No. We are pretty certain, but one can never be a hundred percent sure, I think."

"Then there's still hope," said James, trying to sound optimistic.

Sirius hadn't said anything. He hadn't even moved.

"Padfoot? You're quiet... what are you thinking?"

"What?" he replied, looking like he'd been shaken out of a trance. "It can't be. They're wrong. They... they don't know shit."

Mr. Potter and the others moved to Madam Pomfrey's office to continue the discussion. Only the Marauders and Lily remained with Remus. There was an awkward silence, since all were shocked about the development and didn't really know how to start talking about it. The three others kept eyeing Sirius discretely, looking for an indication of how he was taking it. Peter shuffled his feet uncomfortably and decided that maybe a joke would loosen up the tense atmosphere.

"Well... at least he's finally found a way to avoid turning into a werewolf..."

James and Lily both froze for a second. James was just about to tell Peter off for his highly inappropriate comment, but before he could open his mouth, the rat animagus had been punched to the floor by an enraged Sirius. James, acting on instinct, launched himself at Sirius, and held him back long enough for Peter to get to his feet and scramble out of the infirmary, pressing a hand against his bloody nose.

"Get OFF me, Prongs!"

"Let him go, Padfoot!"

"Didn't you HEAR what he said?" Sirius demanded.

"Yes, I heard him. He's an arse sometimes, but there's no need beating him up."

"Bastard!" intervened Lily. "If YOU hadn't punched him, Sirius,_ I_ would've!"

"He didn't mean anything by it..." began James, feeling like he, as the composed one, ought to mellow down his hot-blooded friend and girlfriend.

"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO PROTECT HIM?" yelled Sirius.

"You'll regret it later if you go after him. You gave him a good punch - now leave it at that. He's not the real reason you're upset," said James, finally letting go of the other boy.

"Fine!" snapped Sirius, yanking his arm ostentatiously away from James. "But you better tell him to keep his sodding arse away from here, or he'll get it!"

* * *

><p>A good while later Dumbledore returned from Madam Pomfrey's office and asked James and Lily to give him a moment alone with Sirius. The old man sat down facing the boy, placing a hand on his shoulder.<p>

"How are you feeling, Son?" he asked, his voice thick with sympathy.

Sirius took a couple of deep breaths. "I'm fine..." he said unconvincingly.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "I appreciate how difficult this must be for you. I can't even begin to tell you how much it grieves me that this has happened, and that we did not manage to stop it earlier."

"It's not your fault," Sirius mumbled, avoiding Dumbledore's pitying gaze.

With an aching heart the old wizard contemplated the barely recognizable teen. He looked sickly and emaciated, his cheeks hollow and eyes sunken. His normally perfect and shiny hair was now dull and matted. It was almost impossible to fathom that this was the same kid who used to turn the school upside down on a regular basis, and was responsible for a fair amount of grey hairs on most of the teachers. Now there was nothing left of the spirited and mischievous aura about him. The fire in his eyes had gone out completely.

After a short silence Dumbledore spoke again. "I think it would do you some good talking about what has happened and how you feel."

Sirius fixed his gaze on Remus.

"Potter says you don't talk much," continued the headmaster. "He's very worried about you - as are we all, of course."

Sirius kept staring at Remus, trying to keep up the facade.

"I just want you to know, that I'm here for you. You can talk to me about anything you like, and I will keep it all confidential. Anytime you want, Sirius."

The black-haired boy finally cracked. "It's not fair!" he sobbed. "We'd finally found happiness. We were going to live together, and... IT'S NOT FAIR!" he yelled through bitter tears.

"Sometimes life is unimaginably cruel and unfair, Sirius. There's no explanation for it. Horrible things happen to those who least deserve it."

"We don't - _Remus_ doesn't deserve this! He's had so much pain and unhappiness in his life. He's been treated like dirt by people who didn't even know him, and he's NEVER retaliated. He's never let it ruin his good and kind nature. He's never hurt anyone. He doesn't deserve this!"

"You don't deserve it, either, Sirius," said Dumbledore. "You have had a very hard life as well, not knowing love most of your childhood."

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not good and pure like Remus is..."

"Sure you are. Of course," he said with a glint in his eye and a faint smile pulling at his lips, "you _are_ prone to hassle those you don't like, but when it comes down to the things that really matter, you have a very good heart. You've been so brave to reject your family's intolerant values and stand up for what you knew was right - _even_ though it cost you almost everything."

Sirius just sat there, weeping silently, for a while. Finally he said, with a bitter smile: "I must have cried a whole river since this happened. It's strange that I still have tears left, and I haven't gone blind."

"What do you mean?" asked Dumbledore, a little puzzled.

"Oh, it's just something my mum used to say when we were little. She told Regulus and I that a person only had a certain ration of tears at his disposal, and that when it'd been used up, his eyes would dry out and he'd go blind."

The old wizard frowned, wondering how a parent could say something so malicious to their child.

"We were _so _terrified of this happening to us. We quickly learned to lock up our feelings and not cry. Just one of the many things that old dragon made up to control us..." Sirius added.

"I don't know what to say to console you, m'boy."

"Professor?" asked Sirius cautiously.

"Yes?"

"What are you going to do with Remus?" Sirius, dreading the answer, couldn't keep his voice from trembling a bit.

Dumbledore was quiet for a minute. Then he sighed and said, "I guess you have the right to know what's going on."

Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Mr. Potter has already informed you that they believe Remus will never come back to us."

"Yes," Sirius whispered.

"To answer your question... well, we do not quite agree on that. Campestris wants to take him off life support..."

Sirius gasped, his wide eyes the image of horror.

Dumbledore raised a calming hand. "Now, now - take it easy. I'm not going to allow that."

"Why would he want to... _murder_ him?" asked an incredulous Sirius.

"He believes it's for the best. To let him have peace. And for your sake, too - to give you closure, so you can get on with your life."

Sirius thought that this man must be a raving lunatic. How could he even _think_ that he could just go on with his life, and that it would be the best for Remus to die? He started shaking by the mere thought of it.

"Don't be afraid of that," said Dumbledore in a calming voice. "Like I said, I'm not going to allow it. You have my word. As long as there is even the slightest possibility that a person might wake up, I think it is wrong to terminate their life."

"So you think there is a chance?" asked Sirius hopefully.

"I don't know, Sirius. The healers don't believe so. But how can one be certain that there is absolutely no hope when the heart is still beating? Don't despair, Sirius. If I'm not completely mistaken, the two of you share an exceptionally strong love for each other..."

Sirius nodded, looking up at Dumbledore through heavy tear-soaked lashes.

"Love is the most powerful form of magic, after all. Although, it is often overlooked and underestimated.

* * *

><p>Another couple of months had gone by, and all the students were busy with their exams. Well, not<em> all<em> the students - Remus Lupin was still in a deep coma, his condition not having changed one bit, and Sirius Black, never leaving his bedside, was more miserable than ever. His grief and lack of care for himself was taking its toll, and starting to make him seriously ill, both physically and mentally. He had lost even more weight and was weak and dull. He had trouble thinking straight, had lost sense of time, and could no longer tell the days apart. Sometimes he even had trouble making out whether he was dreaming or awake. It had all become sort of a blur.

The people caring about and responsible for Sirius knew that this couldn't go on much longer. They had all given up on Remus, and were busy debating what to do now and how to deal with Sirius. Most of all, they were afraid that he would commit suicide when he finally accepted that Remus wasn't coming back to him. James had ensured them that he would, and begged for them to keep up the charade for as long as possible, but even he was beginning to see that it wasn't right.

* * *

><p>Sirius was sitting in his chair, half asleep, when he heard numerous footsteps approaching.<p>

"Padfoot?" he heard James' voice say, and opened his eyes. Before him stood James, Lily, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, and Mr. and Mrs. Potter. Immediately he felt a knot forming in his stomach - this seemed way to ceremonious for his liking.

Mrs. Potter stroked his cheek and smiled at him, but he could see the concern and sadness in her glistening eyes.

"Sirius..." the headmaster began. "We've made arrangements for Remus to be transferred to a long-term ward in St. Mungo's."

"Why?" asked Sirius, confused.

"He cannot stay here forever. We have to place him somewhere permanent."

"P-permanent?"

Mr. Potter stepped forward and squatted in front of the black-haired boy. "You need to come to terms with reality, son. Remus is not waking up."

Sirius started weeping and shook his head vigorously. "NO! You don't KNOW that."

"We are as certain as we can be. If there was any chance, we would have been able to detect some kind of sign by now," answered the healer. "He'll be picked up tomorrow morning."

Sirius shot a glance at James and Lily. He could see from their red and puffy eyes that they had both been crying.

"Can I... can I come?" he asked in a small voice.

"No, Sirius. There are visiting hours once a week," replied Mr. Potter.

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" he screamed. "He needs me! I need him!"

"You need to get on with your life, Love," said Mrs. Potter, continuously stroking Sirius' hair. "We will take you home with us. Henry has taken leave, so he can look after you. And James will come home as soon as exams are over."

After much discussion about what was best for Sirius and at the same time preventing him from killing himself, they had agreed on this model. In the Potter home he would be in homely, loving surroundings. Henry Potter would stay home so Sirius could be under constant surveillance. They were well aware, however, that he might not cooperate, and that they might have to take drastic measures. In worst case they were ready to have him involuntarily committed.

"NO!" yelled Sirius and batted Mrs. Potter's hand off him. "I'm NOT leaving Remus!"

"You're holding on to an illusion, Sirius. Remus is gone. What's left of him is just an empty shell..." said Mr. Potter.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM! He might still wake up! Professor," he turned to Dumbledore, desperately seeking an ally, "- you said it yourself - that love is the most powerful magic..."

The old wizard looked almost remorseful. "It was wrong of me to say that. I'm so sorry to have given you false hope, Sirius."

* * *

><p>It was late evening, and Sirius was sitting in his usual spot by Remus' bed. His head was heavy and buzzing from fatigue. He had cried inconsolably for a long time after having been informed that Remus was to be transmitted the next morning. He had no idea exactly <em>how <em>long, but he had kept going until he was too exhausted to shed one more tear. He had refused anybody holding him or trying to comfort him. Finally, they had left him alone, reluctantly agreeing to give him one last night alone with Remus.

He was _so_ tired. This was it, he thought. He felt completely drained for energy, will and hope. He just didn't have the strength to fight anymore. He was finally on the verge of giving up.

"Remus," he whispered, holding his limp hand in his, "they're taking you away... Tomorrow. I... I'm not allowed to come with you. I'm so sorry. I thought I could save you, but I can't. I've failed you. I just... wherever you are, I just want you to know that I love you more than life."

He struggled to keep his eyes open, but exhaustion won and his head slowly dropped to the bed, Remus' hand still clutched in his.

He was dreaming. Remus was standing before him, smiling. He looked strong and healthy, his skin smooth and tanned, his eyes warm and dancing. There was a bright light surrounding him, coming from somewhere behind. It made his hair shine like pure gold as it waved faintly in the light breeze. Sirius felt a huge lump forming in his throat and he wanted to run to him but found that he couldn't move. Remus nodded in the direction of the light, signalling for Sirius to follow him, before turning and walking towards it.

Sirius fought the lump in his throat and finally managed to call out in a small voice: "Remus! Don't go!"

Remus stopped and turned halfway around. He smiled softly and reached out his hand. Sirius reached for it but it was too far, and his legs still wouldn't move. "I can't reach, Moony - come back!"

Remus just kept smiling, a sad expression in his eyes, as he started moving backwards, away from Sirius.

Sirius could feel the panic rising up inside of him. "Don't go!" he cried. "Don't leave me... you PROMISED that you'd never leave me. Remember? That day by the lake..."

Remus was slipping away, further and further into the light. It was so bright, that his features were getting hard to make out and Sirius' tear-filled eyes were making it even harder.

"Don't leave me!" he wept, feeling despair tightening its grip around him. "Moony! I love you - come back! Remus! REMUS!"

"Sirius?" a hoarse voice called from somewhere far, far away.

"Don't leave me..." he repeated.

"Sirius - wake up," said the voice again.

"No! I want to stay here. I want to be with Moony..."

The voice called again and the dream began to fade away. He slowly opened his eyes and raised his head to find himself looking into a pair of hazel orbs.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I've decided to write an epilogue, so this is technically the second to last chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

"Re-Remus?" asked Sirius incredulously.

"Yes?" said Remus, his voice husky and weak from long time's disuse.

"You're... you're awake?"

"Yes... you called me."

"Are you for real?" Sirius didn't know what to think. Was he still dreaming? He must be - Remus was a lost cause, wasn't he? Everybody said so.

"Wh-what do you mean?" asked the caramel-haired boy, confused.

Sirius pinched himself hard. It hurt like hell and he didn't wake up. So... he must be awake...?

"What's wrong, Padfoot?" croaked Remus.

"I..." he reached out a shaking hand and touched Remus' face tentatively with his fingertips. At the feel his whole body was overwhelmed with emotion and he exploded in loud sobs as he buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck .

Madam Pomfrey, hearing the commotion, came rushing. "Sirius - what's wrong? Oh, dear - has he...?"

Sirius pulled back a little so the matron could see her patient's face. The tray she was carrying slipped from her hands and landed on the floor with a loud clink. She clapped a hand to her mouth and her eyes flew wide open. "It... it can't be!" She rushed to Remus' side and waved her hand in front of his face. "Remus - can you see me?"

"Er... yes?"

"How are you feeling, Hon?"

"It hurts..."

"Where?

"All over."

"I'll get you some pain reliever. And," she added, looking at Sirius, "I'll floo Fletcher." She hurried off.

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and kissed it frantically. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Why are you all acting so strangely?" whispered Remus.

Sirius couldn't help laughing like a maniac. "Because everybody thought you were gone. You've been lying here for three months!"

Remus' mouth flew open. "Th-three mo-months?" he stuttered. "What happened?"

"We were attacked by Death Eaters. You were crucioed. You don't remember?"

Remus shook his head weakly. "I don't remember anything. Were _you_ hurt? You look horrible."

Sirius smiled. "Oh, nothing bad. They just slapped me around a bit. I look like shit because I've been out of my wits about you!"

Madam Pomfrey came rushing back, a baffled Fletcher at her heels. He hurried to the bed end bent over Remus.

"What's your name?" he demanded.

"Er... Remus?" answered the perplexed boy.

"Last name?"

"Lupin."

"Good," nodded Fletcher, "good. Birthday?"

"March 10th."

"Is that correct?" Fletcher asked Sirius, who confirmed, nodding.

He returned his attention to Remus. "How would you fight off a Dementor?"

"I'd... I'd conjure a Patronus..." answered Remus, looking very confused about the question.

"What are you doing?" asked Sirius.

"I'm checking his memory and sanity," replied the healer. "It's looking good."

Sirius leaned forward and whispered into Remus' ear, "when did I first tell you that I love you?"

"Just after Christmas last year," answered Remus. "I said it first, though," he added with a grin.

Fletcher proceeded to check all of Remus' reflexes. "Extraordinary," he mumbled, "unbelievable."

"Is he okay?" asked Sirius.

"Yes. He's... he's completely normal! I can't believe it. Never seen anything like it. It's nothing short of a miracle!"

* * *

><p>"Moony!"<p>

Remus felt somebody shaking him. He slowly opened his eyes and saw an excited face hovering over him. "Padfoot, will you let me _sleep_, already? What time is it?"

"Four o'clock."

Remus sighed. "It's the fifth time in two hours you've awoken me!"

"Sorry," said Sirius, biting his lip and looking a little shameful. "I just need to make sure that I _can_... you know - wake you up."

"Shouldn't you get some sleep yourself? You must be tired. Madam Pomfrey said that you've barely slept for the last three months..."

"Yeah... I'm dead tired. Just too excited right now, I reckon."

"Get a sleeping draught, then. Please - for both our sakes."

* * *

><p>Over the next few weeks Remus was slowly recovering his strength. Now that he was conscious and on the mend, Fletcher could get to work on the last of the lingering effects of the curses. Sirius was an eager participant in helping with Remus' physical therapy exercises, stretching and bending his limbs and later supporting him as he started getting used to walking again. Remus couldn't help laughing heartily as Sirius scrunched up his face as if it took a lot of concentration bending someone's ankle <em>just <em>right.

Campestris, the lycanthropy specialist, came by every so often to check up on Remus, and each time Sirius looked daggers at him. He hadn't forgotten that it was he, who had advocated for turning off life support. On his third visit he pulled Sirius aside.

"What?" snapped Sirius.

"I know you're angry at me, but I think that you'll want to hear what I have to tell you," said Campestris.

"Oh, really?" asked Sirius in a tone that did nothing to hide the fact that he seriously doubted he would be interested in hearing anything the healer could possibly have to say.

"I really DO care about my patients, you know, including your friend," he started. Seeing the boy's incredulous expression, he continued, "I only did what I thought was for the b-"

"I don't want to hear it," Sirius interrupted flatly.

"All right," Campestris nodded. "I'll get to the point, then. Madam Pomfrey tells me you're learning healing and that you're also a quite talented potion maker..."

"Yeah - so?"

"Have you heard about the Wolfsbane Potion?"

Sirius lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "No. Why?"

"I didn't expect you to. It's very new and not even approved yet. It's still at the experimental stage. Very promising, though."

"What does it do?" asked Sirius curiously, his grudge against Campestris temporarily forgotten.

"Don't get too excited now," the man warned with his hand lifted, "it's not a cure. But it does ease the suffering of the condition greatly. Basically it allows the individual to keep his own mind during transformations."

Sirius' mouth flew open and his breath hitched. "R-really?" he finally managed to stammer.

"Yes, really," Campestris nodded. "But there are some difficulties connected to it. First of all - it's an extremely difficult potion to brew."

"I can learn!" Sirius burst out eagerly.

"Well, maybe you can, and maybe you can't. Like I said, it is very advanced. It has to be taken immediately after being brewed - it can't be stored, so one can't just go somewhere and buy it."

Sirius felt tears well up in his eyes. He knew just how much it would mean to Remus to be able to keep his body under full control during the full moon. He knew that he was much more afraid of being a danger to somebody than he was of the pain. "I'll learn to make it. I'll keep at it until I succeed," he assured the healer.

"All right. I'll try to teach you, then. If you can let go of your grudge against me, that is," Campestris said with a smile.

"Yeah - of course!" replied Sirius giddily, his head buzzing with excitement.

"But," added the healer, "like I said, it hasn't been approved yet. You'll have to wait until then. And you will have to keep in mind that there is always a chance that complications can arise. Worst case is that it will have to be abandoned." Seeing Sirius' sudden anxious expression, he quickly added, "but between you and me - I'm sure it will work. I'll keep you updated."

"Could we... not tell Remus about it just yet? I mean, I don't want him to get his hopes up if it fails..."

"Of course," agreed Campestris. "That's why I pulled you aside. You can tell him, when you think it's appropriate." He contemplated the boy for a minute, clearly impressed with his level of commitment. Then he said, "he's lucky to have someone like you."

"No - _I'm _lucky to have someone like _him_," Sirius declared earnestly.

* * *

><p>Finally came the day when Madam Pomfrey discharged Remus and allowed him to go back to the dorm. Although he was still rather weak, Remus insisted on walking all the way to the Gryffindor Tower.<p>

Madam Pomfrey made a long speech about how careful Remus had to be with himself and to keep to his exercises, take his potions and come to her for daily check-ups.

"And - boys..." she said as they were getting ready to leave. "No erm..." she looked uncharacteristically uncomfortable. "No..._ interactions_ for at least a week."

James unsuccessfully tried to contain a giggle. Sirius punched him on the shoulder. Remus looked embarrassed and disappointed at the same time.

The trip back took almost an hour because Remus had to stop to rest many times on the way. He allowed Sirius and James to support him but refused to be carried. When they finally got to the dorm, Remus was utterly exhausted and collapsed on the bed immediately. James quickly took his leave to let Sirius and Remus be alone with each other.

Sirius, who still had a lot of sleep to catch up on, felt almost as exhausted as Remus as he crept under the covers. Remus curled up and pushed his back against Sirius and let out a contented sigh. Sirius wrapped himself around Remus and buried his face in his hair at the nape of his neck. Finally, after so long time, being able to feel Remus' warm body pressed against his felt better than anything else could possibly feel. As he inhaled his scent and nuzzled him, he couldn't remember ever feeling quite this happy. They were both peacefully asleep within minutes.

* * *

><p>Sirius slowly surfaced from deep sleep. His eyes fluttered open and he looked into the beaming face of his boyfriend. "Hey," he yawned. "What are you doing?"<p>

"Looking at you," Remus smiled.

"Why?" asked Sirius, not completely awake yet.

"Because you look absolutely adorable when you sleep." He leaned in and kissed each of the other boy's eyelids. "You are so beautiful. I could watch you all day and not get bored."

Sirius face cracked in a smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You're staring."

"So are you."

"Come here, silly," laughed Sirius as he gently pulled Remus' head towards him and caught him by the lips.

Remus edged himself closer and opened his mouth slightly to invite Sirius in. Sirius happily obliged and started caressing Remus' mouth with his tongue. Remus moaned softly into his mouth and deepened the kiss. The sensation sent sparks of electricity through Sirius' body, making it prickle all the way out in his toes and fingertips. He ran his fingers through Remus' hair and then along his jaw and down his neck. Remus let his hands roam Sirius' chest. He went on to caress his stomach and then his hand dipped lower towards the waistband of Sirius' pyjama bottoms.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked suddenly and grabbed Remus' wrist.

Remus looked at him, slightly confused. "What do you THINK I'm doing?"

"Remus, no. We can't. You heard Madam Pomfrey - no sex!"

Remus stared at him, disbelievingly. "Since when have YOU let any rules stop you from doing what you wanted?"

"Since you went and almost died on me. If Madam Pomfrey says you shouldn't strain yourself like that just yet, then you shouldn't."

"Ah, come _on_, Padfoot! A little fooling around won't break me! I want you so badly."

Sirius pushed Remus' hand away from his crotch again and shook his head. "You don't understand, Moony. You don't know what it was like for me. I've been to hell and back. I thought I'd lost you forever. When you woke up, it felt like I was given the gift of life or something. And damn if I'm not going to treat that with the respect it deserves."

Remus contemplated him for a long time. Then he sighed and said, "All right, Padfoot." He brought his hand up to Sirius' face and started gently rubbing his cheek with the thumb. "I'm _so_ sorry you had to go through all that. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it must have been for you. You've suffered far worse than I have. It pains me so much thinking about that."

"It's not that I don't want you, Remus - Merlin, I really do - but I just can't risk _anything_ concerning your recovery."

"It's okay. As long as you're not going to treat me like I'm made of glass for the rest of our lives."

"Just let me do it for a little while, okay? I need that. Just be patient. We've got all the time in the world."

They lay there for a while, contend just to be close to each other and kiss and touch tenderly.

"Let's stay in bed all day," suggested Remus.

"Yeah, that'd be nice," replied Sirius. "I'll just go down and get us some breakfast, though. And then I'm going to swing by Madam Pomfrey and ask her to be a bit more specific about just what kind of _interactions _we can and can't do..."

"Oh, she's going to LOVE having that conversation with you," laughed Remus.

Sirius sighed happily and cuddled up to his love. Life was good. They were facing a long summer holiday together at the Potters, and then they would be going back to Hogwarts for one more year so they could get their N.E.W.T.s.

Yes - they had all the time in the world.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry, guys - no sex. Don't be mad at Sirius - he's had a rough time.**

**Epilogue will be up shortly - tomorrow or the day after.**


	27. Epilogue

**A/N: The absolute last chapter, guys! And this time I mean it.**

****I've enjoyed writing this immensely, and have enjoyed all the feedback. Thank you so much and thanks for coming along for the ride - it's been real! I would love to hear your opinion, not just about this chapter, but the story as a whole. ****

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

The Hogwarts Express steamed and creaked as it was warming up, getting ready to roll out of the train station. The platform was busy and hectic with parents kissing their children goodbye, and reminding them to behave and do their school work.

Remus and Sirius had loaded their trunks and were saying goodbye to James and Lily. Peter had started on his new job, and couldn't come to see them off.

"This is going to be strange..." said Remus.

"Yeah," said James biting his lip. Damned if he was going to cry over something like this. "Yeah," he repeated. "I sort of wish we were going with you... but then again," he said, grabbing Lily's hand.

Sirius slapped his shoulder playfully. "You're a big boy now. You're ready to go out into the real world and start a family."

"Right," said James.

"It won't be that long. We'll see you at the wedding! I'm going to be the best best man ever!"

"Yeah, I better not regret it!" groaned James.

Remus chuckled.

"Shut up, Moony! Or _you_ can be Lily's bridesmaid!" said Sirius.

"Shut up, yourself!" Remus retaliated.

"Okay kids - time to be off to school," said Lily, adopting an authoritative tone.

"Prongs," said Sirius and pulled his best friend away from the others.

"What?" said James, looking at Sirius with a puzzled expression.

"I, uhm... this is going to sound funny, but... don't trust Peter."

"WHAT?"

"It's just... I don't trust him completely anymore, and -"

"Is this still about that stupid comment he made about Remus when he was unconscious?" said James incredulously.

"No," said Sirius, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. "No, it's just... I don't know, it's just a feeling I have. I can't really explain it... Haven't you noticed that he's been a little strange lately, and distant?"

James shrugged. "I think you're reading too much into it. He's our long-time loyal friend, Padfoot."

"Yeah," said Sirius, looking a bit ashamed of himself and shuffling his feet uncomfortably. "But... I'm a little anxious leaving you guys here... it's stupid, I know, but... Could you just promise me not to trust him with any _really important_ secrets?"

James sighed. "It's crazy, Padfoot. But okay - if it makes you feel better, I'll promise to run it by you first if there's anything."

Sirius grinned, visibly relieved.

* * *

><p>After the feast Remus and Sirius went to their spot by the lake to enjoy the warm late summer evening. If felt good to be back, and in one way everything seemed like it had always been, but in another it was rather different. It was strange that their whole year was now missing and they had to get used to share lessons with the year below. But most of all, it was strange to be there without James, Lily and Peter. No Prongs and Wormtail in their dorm. It was quite a consolation, however, that they had been given their own private room.<p>

They were sitting, side by side, looking silently, like so many times before, at the beautiful scenery in front of them. Remus was the first to break the silence. "I'm so happy to be here with you."

"Me too," said Sirius and gave his hand a squeeze.

"You. You're making me so happy. I want to do the same to you."

Sirius looked at him, pleased and perplexed at the same time. "You ARE making me happy, Moony!"

Remus shifted so he was sitting, facing Sirius. "I want to make you even happier. I want you to be as happy as you possibly can be for the rest of your life. You deserve that. And I want to take away all your doubt and worry. I don't want you to ever again be insecure about how I feel about you. I want you to feel safe and loved."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by Remus' finger on his lips.

"I know I'm not as good as you are at showing exactly how I feel, but I'm trying, because you deserve to know. You always make me feel good about myself by showing me that I'm the most important thing in your world and how much you adore me. And I want to do the same for you. I know you think that you love me more than I love you, but you couldn't be more wrong. I'll never be able to express in words just how much I love you and what you mean to me. When I came here seven years ago I had never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would ever be liked, let alone loved, by anybody - especially after finding out about my condition - but I was surprised to find that somebody _did_ care about me and wanted to be my friend. I hadn't known that kind of love since I lost my dad. And then in our 6th year you surprised me again by showing me that an even greater love was possible for me. You've spent every minute since then making me feel like the luckiest and most loved person in the world. You've done it so well that I've never doubted you - even though I've always been a very insecure person. You've changed my life. You've changed _me_."

Remus could see that Sirius was listening intently, drinking in every word, his eyes swimming with emotion.

"I wish I could do the same for you -" Remus started.

"You DO, Remus! You've changed my life too - for the better. You've changed ME. Made me a better person," interrupted Sirius.

"I want you to feel just as secure and loved as I do," continued Remus. "I'm not sure how to do it, but..." he trailed off, starting to sound very nervous. "You know the thing that James and Lily are doing... we can never do that... because we're blokes and all..." The normally so well-formulated boy was desperately searching for the right words and struggling with what to say. "But I've been thinking that maybe we could... you know... just do our own private thing. It doesn't have to be official to mean something, does it? It's the gesture that counts and not so much a piece of paper signed by some Ministry official, isn't it?"

"Remus Lupin - are you... trying to propose to me?" asked a baffled and wide-eyed Sirius. He could feel his heart racing at a ridiculous speed.

Remus flushed and swallowed hard. "I... I guess I am..." He fumbled for something in his pocket and came up with a small box. "I had these made. It's probably stupid..." he added uncertainly. "I didn't know how to... what to..."

Sirius steadied his shaky hand with his own. "It's okay, Moony. It's _not _stupid. Show me."

Remus opened the box and put two rings in his palm. "I had these made," he repeated. "This one is for you," he pointed to the one of gold. It had a crescent moon and the letter R engraved in it. "And this is mine," he said, pointing at the silver one [_Note: It is Muggle superstition that silver hurts werewolves_]. This one was engraved with a star and the letter S.

Sirius stared at them for what seemed like an eternity. Then he looked up, and Remus could see that his eyes were filling up with tears.

"What... what do you say?" Remus whispered.

Sirius stretched out his hand. "Put it... put it on," he said in a quivering voice.

Remus held his breath and put the gold ring on Sirius' finger. He had to grab hold of his wrist to steady his hand because it was shaking so much it made the task difficult.

"I'll never, ever take it off," whispered Sirius as his tears of joy started spilling.

Remus' face cracked into a huge smile as also he started to cry. "Put mine on too," he said, and presented his hand to Sirius.

As Sirius put the ring on Remus' finger he felt light-headed and giddy. It was like all the bad things that had ever happened to him lost their significance and all traces of fear, worry and doubt evaporated into the air and disappeared.

"Consider your mission accomplished. You've just made me the happiest person in the world!" he grinned at Remus and took both of his hands in his.

Remus grinned back and leaned forward on his knees to kiss him. Sirius edged forward until their bodies touched and deepened the kiss. Although kissing Remus was always absolutely mind-blowing, he thought that this one was probably the best they'd ever shared.

"It's getting dark," said Sirius when they finally broke the kiss. "How about we go and inaugurate that new room of ours?"

"I'd like that," Remus smiled.

They got up, and headed, hand in hand, back towards the castle.

**THE END**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That's it! **

**I've been pondering a lot over whether or not to write that last part, but I thought "what the hell" and went full-blown on the sappiness. Hope I didn't make anyone puke :)**

**To those who might be interested: I have a bunch of ideas for new fics. Tomorrow I'll start on a _Remus/Regulus_ fic and plan to be**** posting first chapter soon. I'm definitely not done with Remus/Sirius, though, since they ARE my favorite couple, and I have plans for several more of those stories, too. Among others, an AU which I'm quite excited about. Just keep your eyes open - I'll probably keep being pretty active.**


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